I haven’t really been on Tumblr for a while now, but I still have a few followers who I thought might appreciate this post.

This is the worst, most visually unsatisfying thing I have ever drawn, and here is why I’m posting it online…

I’m depressed and I have anxiety. I have had for years, maybe even decades, but I have never really admitted it until now. My whole life I have felt sad but always for a reason, or so I thought. I would blame being bullied or my shitty friends or a dodgey break up or my migraines or feeling lonely, I would always think ‘it’s okay because I have a reason to be sad". I have an amazing fiancé now, a house of our own we share with a great friend and our whippet, I am the happiest I have ever been.

But I’m still sad.

My art supplies and tattoo machines still sit there untouched because my motivation isn’t low, it’s non-existant. I cry all the time. My head is bursting with ideas, projects, paintings that I wake up thinking “hell yeah I’m finally going to get that on paper today” and by the end of my morning coffee if I’m not sobbing on the couch it’s a miracle.

I had the urge today, I just wanted to art. I got my stuff out, figured I’d just do a few little sketches and started Googleing some reference pictures. I scrolled along and as each bird got more and more stunning my shit self started thinking I’d never be able to draw that, I’d never be able to make something that beautiful. And so I packed up my stuff and sat there. I didn’t want to do the thing I love most in the world because I couldn’t handle that it might be shit. I just wanted to draw something without any pressure. Then something in the back of my head said “who the heck is pressuring you?”. The answer of course was myself. Only myself. And so I got my things back out and just went for it. If I were to draw a mandala any other day I would have to rule out a grid first, spend ages measuring so that all the sections were equal, select the colours to compliment the pattern perfectly. This time I just drew. It’s uneven, unplanned, I chose the colours without looking, normally I would screw it up and throw it away before anyone else saw it but here it is.

I drew because I wanted to, because it’s fun, because I love creating with all my heart and soul and that’s exactly what my depression has made me lose, my heart and soul. I have my first ever psychologist appointment booked for next week and so in the spirit of self-acceptance, admitting my flaws, healing and knowing that it’s okay to be shit sometimes, here is my crappy mandala which was so very grounding to bring to life on the blank page of doom before me.

All your responses to this have been so lovely, heartfelt and full of positivity and I can't thank you enough 💚💙💜💛

#abuse #domestic violence

new link with better photo, please reblog. 

we’re putting together care packages and all of our siblings have donated or sent things to donelle, but we’re all super poor, so there’s only so much we can do. 

we’re making progress against my sister’s abusive husband, but i can’t say much more. all our family and friends are reaching out and offering help and resources and job interviews, but the real challenge is going to be paying the legal fees incurred in the divorce. he’s not going to let this go easy. he’s a literal monster. i’ve known him for 15 years, and i’ve despised him for most of them. this man spat in my biracial sister’s face and called her the n-word when she was 13, tried to drown me “as a joke” when i was 14, and brainwashed my sister into leaving home at 16 and not telling anyone what happened. he’s controlled and abused my sister for almost half her life, and she’s finally trying to get away, and he’s not going to let her if he can help it. 

So Donelle’s husband’s cronies have discovered our Gofundme and have left several nasty comments. They seem to think that since she still has her house and state benefits, she doesn’t need to raise money for her divorce. None of them have mentioned the abuse, which goes to show the sort of company he keeps. 

I learned more about my sister’s situation last night and I’m just horrified and heartbroken for my sister. I thought this was a one-time thing that was being handled immediately, but this has been happening for almost the whole time they’ve been together, and none of our family members had any idea. :( 

please reblog this if you can. thanks

Hey y'all Donelle’s rent check bounced because Joe stole all the money from their bank account after she sent the check. We’re working on gathering some money for her, but if you can donate anything, that would help immensely. This fucking asshole left his entire family without any money whatsoever for rent or food.

Hey, we’ve started an Amazon wishlist for Donelle and her kids if you’re able to help. 

http://amzn.com/w/5H1J03XER7DO

The kids’ summer clothes are all at Donelle’s husband’s mother’s house and they refuse to give the clothes back unless Donelle interacts with Joe’s family, which is unacceptable and just another way for them to control her. 

The pet food is for their dog and cat, and yeah, we know there are more important things than animals right now, but the kids would be devastated if they had to rehome the animals. Donelle’s son especially is attached to the dog because he is Autistic and developed a very strong bond with the dog. 

I am adding things to the list regularly, so please reblog this whenever possible. 

Thank you everyone

I’m trying to get more exposure for this, so if you know if any high-traffic blogs that would be willing to reblog this, please let me know!

Little fox 😁 #artist #art #drawing #sketch #mamavoodooart #pencil #graphite #graphitedrawing #fox #animal #animaldrawing

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Surreal Aquarium Scenes, Kim Keever

Kim Keever creates large-scale photographs that look like landscape paintings. The effect is created by constructing miniature topographies in a 200-gallon tank.

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Are you kidding me!??

Just finished this gift for one of mum and dad’s friends #art #artwork #artist #bees #bee #mamavoodooart #copicmarkers #copic #savethebees