may you live until you die

— bell hooks, All About Love: New Visions

By Paul Lothar Muller.  From Der Guckkasten, 1909.

I think a lot about how we as a culture have turned “forever” into the only acceptable definition of success.

Like… if you open a coffee shop and run it for a while and it makes you happy but then stuff gets too expensive and stressful and you want to do something else so you close it, it’s a “failed” business. If you write a book or two, then decide that you don’t actually want to keep doing that, you’re a “failed” writer. If you marry someone, and that marriage is good for a while, and then stops working and you get divorced, it’s a “failed” marriage.

The only acceptable “win condition” is “you keep doing that thing forever”. A friendship that lasts for a few years but then its time is done and you move on is considered less valuable or not a “real” friendship. A hobby that you do for a while and then are done with is a “phase” - or, alternatively, a “pity” that you don’t do that thing any more. A fandom is “dying” because people have had a lot of fun with it but are now moving on to other things.

I just think that something can be good, and also end, and that thing was still good. And it’s okay to be sad that it ended, too. But the idea that anything that ends is automatically less than this hypothetical eternal state of success… I don’t think that’s doing us any good at all.

born to always mourn the present like it’s already become a memory

Fellas is it gay to have tasted your best bros blood

so hey i'm doing this cool thing where i'm trying to emulate a wildly idealized version of my relationship with my dead wife because what she and i had was magic (which is just me speak for "that was the last time i was doing what i'm Supposed To Do and felt like it worked and also im ignoring that she asked me for a divorce and also going back to what i already know is good and safe and totally a way for me to be happy and not alone") to the point where i'm remembering slash imagining slash hallucinating things about our life together that never happened. and also i invited her doppelganger on a date even though i have a "girlfriend" because what if this is my second chance at the life that we, and i cannot emphasize this enough, never actually had. yeah i dropped my son off with my husband before i went. cool right. can i get a large iced coffee

No more bad dreams. 9-1-1 | 7.07 Ghost of a Second Chance

refrigerator: hey dipshit my door is open I’m gonna beep at you til you close it. fuckin idiot.

me, playing 3D Tetris to try and cram all the groceries inside: please I have a family

I think one of the most harmful concepts that is widely accepted is the idea of there being a universally applicable ideal for anything.

There is no ideal parent. Different children benefit from different mixes of expectations, attention, and guidance. A parent that one child finds supportive could be far too involved for a more independent child. A parent that one child finds to be expecting the best of them could be expecting more than a different child can give.

There is no ideal teacher. Different students learn best in different ways. One student may adore a teacher who primarily presents information visually, and another may struggle to stay engaged. One student may thrive in a class heavy on discussion, and another may retreat from the discussion and struggle to stay afloat.

There is no ideal partner. Different people want different levels of involvement with their partner. One person's attentive may be another person's uncomfortably clingy. One person's curious and engaged might be another person's nosy. There is no ideal brain, there is no ideal body, there is no ideal diet, there is no ideal environment, there is no ideal biome, there is no ideal amount of trees, there is no ideal family structure, there is no ideal set of policies, there is no ideal method of international trade, there is no meaningful singular ideal for anything at a broad scale.

Attempting to define, let alone chase, a singular ideal is fruitless at best. At worst, it results in carefully sanding off those all-important differences to try to make things fit. This inevitably results in hurting people, because "This should work for everyone." never works for everyone.

It's such a tempting idea to chase, because it feels like if you could find that singular point of perfection, you could fix so much. That you'd be able to keep so many people from being hurt and struggling. That there has to be a correct solution that you can apply universally, and then everything will be fine.

Instead, there is only what works, and what doesn't, and that changes dramatically with the situation. Everything is in context, and everything is in flux. You always have to look at the exact problem that you are trying to solve, and fit the solution to the situation. Because the situation is not going to fit itself to your solution.

ketchup does exist. this post is fake

Rich people showers

reblogging for that gif

i’m sorry i couldn’t help myself 

Not gonna not reblog this….

The drawings are a necessary addition. (Gargle shower and fireplace showers still best)

*muffled screams*

Sorry I Spent all mY spoons this week already and it's fucking Tuesday. We're heading to the knives

had to make the inverse situation of this. lets give it up for time blindness yayyy