• Send a strongly worded letter. With underlining, and exclamation points.
• Ask if I’m the real Slim Shady, in which case, I will stand up.
• Believe really hard that we’re already roleplaying. Believing makes things a little less fake.
• Submit your desperation and cry a lot.
• Throw a brick through my window. We can be penpals once you’re in jail.

Name: Age: Do you like to cuddle?: Can we make-out?: A night in or dinner out?: Ice cream or chocolate covered strawberries?: What makes you a good Valentine?: Would you cook for me?: Would you let me cook for you?:

send me a pair name and I’ll tell you what I think it would be like if they had a child.

• Name:
• Gender:
• General Appearance:
• Personality:
• Special Talents:
• Who they like better:
• Who they take after more:
• Personal Head canon:
• Face Claim:

• “We’re under attack! Light the signal!”
• “Send your troops to protect my people!”
• “A single grain of rice can tip the scale. One man may be the difference between victory and defeat.”
• “I’m going to uh… pray some more.”
• “How lucky can they be? They’re dead.”
• “This is what you give me to work with? Well honey, I’ve seen worse!”
• “You’ll bring honor to us all.”
• “Boys will gladly go to war for you!”
• “Even you can’t blow it!”
• “Who spit in their bean curd?”
• “I think it’s going well, don’t you?”
• “You will never bring your family honor!”
• “Can it be I’m not meant to play this part?”
• “If I were truly to be myself, I would break my family’s heart.”
• “What beautiful blossoms we have this year… But look, this one’s late! But I’ll bet that when it blooms, it will be the most beautiful of all.”
• “[ NAME ], you dishonor me.”
• “So you’ll die for honor?”
• “I will die doing what’s right!”
• “I know my place! It’s time you learned yours!”
• “You should go after them – they could be killed!”
• “Anybody who’s foolish enough to threaten our family, vengeance will be mine!”
• “Well we can’t all be acupuncturists!”
• “Okay okay, I get the drift, I’ll go.”
• “Jump back, I’m pretty hot, huh? Don’t make me have to singe nobody to prove no point.”
• “Just once chance, is that too much to ask? I mean it’s not like it’ll kill you.”
• “Don’t even worry about it! I will not lose face!”
• “That’s the master plan! Oh, you’ve done it now man!”
• “You’re lucky? Do I look like a sucker to you?”
• “Stop me? They invited me.”
• “By building their wall they challenged my strength. Well I’m here to play their game.”
• “How many men does it take to deliver a message?”
• “Ah I see you have a sword! I have one too! They’re very manly and tough!”
• “It’ll take a miracle to get me into the army.”
• “Who am I? I am the guardian of lost souls!”
• “My powers are beyond your mortal imagination.”
• “That’s it! Dishonor! Dishonor on your whole family! Dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow!”
• “It’s all attitude. Be tough, like this guy here.”
• “I’m gonna hit you so hard, it’ll make your ancestors dizzy.”
• “Ah, you ain’t worth my time, chicken boy.”
• “Say that to my face, you limp noodle!”
• “This is an enormous responsibility. Perhaps a soldier with more experience…?”
• “Leader of [ PLACE ]’s finest troops. No, the greatest troops of all time!”
• “I mean, sorry you had to see that. But you know how it is when you get those manly urges – and you just gotta kill something!”
• “I didn’t ask for their name, I asked for yours!”
• “Y’know, we need to work on your people skills.”
• “Place nice with the other kids. Unless of course, one of the other kids wants to fight, then you have to kick the other kid’s butt.”
• “Oh, I think my bunny slippers just ran for cover. C’mon, scare me!”
• “My little baby off to destroy people…”
• “Are y’hungry? ‘Cause I owe you a knuckle sandwich.”
• “I’ll get that arrow, pretty boy. And I’ll do it with my shirt on.”
• “You’re the saddest bunch I’ve ever met.”
• “Now I really wish that I knew how to swim!”
• “Heed my every order and you might survive.”
• “We’re doomed! There are a couple of things I know they’re bound to notice!”
• “I bet [ NAME ] and I could take you!”
• “I never want to see a naked man again.”
• “Those boys are no more fit to be soldiers than you are to be captain. Once the general reads my report, your troops will never see battle.”
• “Hey, I’ll hold him and you punch.”
• “Hello, this is the army! Make it sound more urgent please!”
• “And I do not squeal like a girl.”
• “There’s no time for stupid questions!”
• “Hey, think of instead: a girl worth fighting for!”
• “Bet the local girls thought you were quite the charmer.”
• “How ‘bout a girl who’s got a brain, who always speaks her mind?”
• “Yeah the only girl who’d love him is his mother.”
• “Search for survivors!”
• “What happened? You just gave away our position!”
• “Prepare to fight. If we die, we die with honor.”
• “You missed! How could you miss, they were three feet in front of you!”
• “We’re gonna die, we’re gonna die! No way we survive this! Death is coming!”
• “I knew we could do it! You the man! … Well, sort of.”
• “You are the craziest person I’ve ever met. And for that I owe you my life. From now on, you have my trust.”
• “I didn’t mean for it to go this far! It was the only way! Please, believe me.”
• “A life for a life. My debt is repaid.”
• “Maybe what I really wanted was to prove I could do things right. So when I look in a mirror, I’d seen someone worthwhile. But I was wrong. I see nothing.”
• “You risked your life to help people you love… I risked your life to help myself. At least you had good intentions.”
• “We started this thing together, and that’s how we’ll finish it. I promise.”
• “They popped out of the snow! Like daisies!”
• “Are we in this together or not?”
• “Let’s go kick some honey buns!”
• “Keep your eyes open. I know they’re here.”
• “Your walls and armies have fallen. And now it’s your turn. Bow to me.”
• “No matter how the wind howls, the mountain cannot bow to it.”
• “You! You took away my victory!”
• “You don’t have a plan?!”
• “It looks like you’re out of ideas.”
• “Stand aside, that creature’s not worth protecting!”
• “I’ve heard a great deal about you, [ NAME ].”
• “You have saved us all.”
• “I think I’ve been away from home long enough.”
• “Are they allowed to do that?”
• “You… you fight good.”
• “The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all.”
• “They’re gifts, to honor our family.”
• “Great, they brought home a sword. If you ask me they should’ve brought home a [ WOMAN/MAN ].”
• “Woo! Sign me up for the next war!”
• “Would you like to stay forever?”
• “Dinner would be great.”
• “You know, they get it from my side of the family!”

• ❝ Zing! I just got you with another one of my trademark ‘complete lies’. ❞
• ❝ Is this a picture of the internet? ❞
• ❝ I always thought losing your sunglasses was something that happened to other people. ❞
• ❝ When I die my entire fortune will be donated to charity, except the $40 billion I will have buried with me. ❞
• ❝ One time I punched a goose right out of the air. ❞
• ❝ I will drink every last drop of water on earth. ❞
• ❝ I know heaven is real because I saw it and abducted an angel. ❞
• ❝ Sometimes I feel like things would be better off if I never existed. ❞
• ❝ Whenever I feel sad, I just go down to the wreck of the titanic. ❞
• ❝ Please, make yourself at home while I silently count down the seconds until you leave. ❞
• ❝ I’m always open to feedback that I can get defensive about and ultimately ignore. ❞
• ❝ When I need strength, I turn to the bible or whatever else is around. ❞
• ❝ So help me God, I’m going to eat one of those multicolored detergent pods. ❞
• ❝ I wish I could get through to you with a sports analogy, young man. ❞
• ❝ God has kind of a loose outline for us all. ❞
• ❝ After another incredible summer, it’s time to put my shirt back on. ❞
• ❝ You really don’t know who people are until you make a vicious snap judgment about them. ❞
• ❝ If another country ever started calling itself America, I’d be so pissed. ❞
• ❝ I’d like to see the government try and take away my trash. ❞
• ❝ If you want to date my daughter, you’re going to have to date me first. ❞
• ❝ The only way to get over your fear of the moon is to walk on it. ❞
• ❝ A woman as beautiful and intoxicated as yourself shouldn’t be drinking alone, my dear. ❞
• ❝ Aw, fer crying out loud! ❞
• ❝ I only like movies where the whole cast dances in a little box next to the end credits. ❞
• ❝ Looking back on my life, I guess my biggest regret is trying to fight that alligator 5 minutes ago. ❞
• ❝ You might be wondering why I’m wearing a cap usually reserved for playing baseball. ❞
• ❝ As a failure, I’ve learned to appreciate the little things in life. ❞
• ❝ How about we go outside and settle this like emotionally stunted men? ❞