@yougavemeahome / yougavemeahome.tumblr.com
LOWERCASE LETTERS ARE FOR THE LOWER CLASS
and here we have a capitalist
Did you just.
let us all take a moment to appreciate that all of human history and human language and the universe itself aligned to make this joke possible
PREMISE: Nicole, raises her 7 year old son, Dion, who has superpowers. Life was hard enough keeping up with the bills, let alone trying to keep track of her son’s invisibility, plasma powers, and telekinesis. In order to study his progress, Nicole films her son 24/7 with the help of her friend, Pat, who is an aspiring filmmaker. But when Nicole starts to notice mysterious men tailing her, and with Dion’s developing abilities constantly changing and becoming more powerful, she must find the courage deep within herself that she can raise Dion on her own.
Indyplanet:
$0.00 Digital Download $4.00 Print-on-Demand
*wails* I WANT THIS TV SERIESSSSSSSSS
Spectacular!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOST! HULU, NETFLIX, AMAZON…TURN THIS INTO A SHOW NOW!!!!
people who laugh so hard at their own jokes that they can’t even finish the joke because they’re laughing so hard are my favorite kind of people
Doesn’t look like a limerick to you? Try this:
A dozen, a gross, and a score Plus three times the square root of four Divided by seven Plus five times eleven Is nine squared and not a bit more.
THE HECK HECK HECK HECCCCCKKKKKKKK
Here is the collection of lengths I go to with rp jokes.
The Presidential Campaign of Tony Stark
How it started: onlytothedream and I were talking about the 13 idiots running for the Republican nomination, and how if those were my choices, I could never entertain being Republican. This was in character as a conversation between Tony Stark and Steve Rogers.
How it Escalated: I received a text from onlytothedream which lead to the above correspondence perpetuating the joke. The following day I began correspondence with gothamisburning as Tony consulting Matt Murdock on the legalities of throwing himself in the ring for public office, part of that conversation is above. The ultimate result is a Stark/Murdock ‘16 ticket.
Final Result: In continued conversations with starksceo the campaign posters were created using pictures of David Gandy as the Stark faceclaim.
You’re welcome, internet.
Imagine one of your OT3 being asexual and the other two accepting that fact without leaving them out of the relationship romantically.
Okay I’m sorry my brain is stupid but all I can picture is the two sexual partners getting some sexytime in the bed after a date and the asexual on pulling the pillow on their head and going “Some people are trying to sleEP YOU ANIMALS”
And the asexual person shows up the next night while the two sexual people are trying to sleep, banging two pans together like, “I DIDN’T GET NO SLEEP CAUSE’ O’ YA’LL! YA’LL GET NO SLEEP CAUSE O’ ME!”
I was thinking about the Grim Reaper recently. They’re not tied to any particular religion, they just personify death and collect the soul and take them…where? What if they’re like afterlife HR?
“So hey! You’re right on time! Okay, your chart says ‘Hellenic.’ Got your coin for the ferryman? No?! Alright, here’s the deal: sign here, River Styx is down the next hall on the left, but you can’t cross for another hundred years. Hey, I don’t make the rules! What do you think a last will and testament’s for, Felix?!”
“Gina! Almost had you there in ‘93 with that heart attack, eh? Eh? Anyway, Catholic, right? Hang a left, St. Peter’s waiting behind the gates, he’ll give you your assignment.”
“Hey boss, this one didn’t believe in afterlife or having a soul– I’m headed to my next appointment.”
“Sanjay! Nice long life you had there, buddy. So you remember where the Great Revolving Door of Reincarnation is– oh wait! You qualify for nirvana! Look at you!”
“So Sam, you’re…agnostic. Come to my office, we’ll discuss your options.”
I really love this take on the Grim Reaper, actually. It takes everybody into account. Kinda reminds me of the afterlife several mediums have described.
these losers and the mugs they probably gave each other lbr
All things considered dark (not necessarily negative), strange, or occult associated with the signs.
Aries- Dragon, angry entities, bloody weapons, fire, rage/wrath, blood-lust, war, steroids, counting cards, risks, possession, thorns, enchanted weapons, hell hound, knights, and armor.
Taurus- Greedy or selfish seduction, lady in white entities, twisted or spooky trees and scary forest, violent Earth elemental, hexed treasure, werewolf, singing ghost, gemstones, black rose, black diamond, trolls, labyrinth, and magical items especially jewelry.
Gemini- Evil fairy, dark fairy, Mr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, old insane asylums, evil twins, con man/woman, trickster, magic words, rumors, dark colored butterfly, enchanted books, and getting lost.
Cancer- Witch craft, spells, tarot cards, grudges, curses, Frankenstein Monster, full moon or moon magic, haunted houses and areas, cloak, witches hat, black cats, sea monsters, nostalgia, cursed or magic mirrors, magic candles, and the past.
Leo- Radioactive waste and danger, scandals, evil king or queen, haunted opera/theater, mutation, pyramid, magical statues or monuments, temples, sand storms, rain dances, sun dances or worshiping, supernatural energy, and fire magic.
Virgo- Dr. Frankenstein or any mad scientist, good girl/guy gone bad, general corruption, herbs and potions used in magic or spells, gnomes, dark sex, sinister deals, dead garden, an enchanted garden, and man-eating tree or plant.
Libra- Love potions and curses, ravens, werewolf, the night sky, dark beauty, lust, genie, Dorian Grey, harpy, sacred smoke, masquerades, Queen of Hearts, bad dreams, magic lanterns, and charms.
Scorpio- Vampires, dark seduction, mystery, fortune teller, black widow, black/dark magic, underworld, voodoo, snakes, masquerades, tarot cards, black and white photos, secrets, dark sex, ravens, scorpions, dark still pool, and necromancy.
Sagittarius- Gypsy magic, fortune teller, traveling magician, traveling salesman of “medicine” and potions, wildfire, dark unicorn, dark circus or carnival, gambling and risk, General Zaroff from The Most Dangerous Game, and aggressive centaurs.
Capricorn- Horror, Gothic design, Victorian age, steampunk, spider webs, death, grim reaper, mad scientist, gargoyles, poppies, bats, a corrupt leader of a cult or underground organization, cave, dark humor, mine, graveyards, abandon buildings and places, and skeletons.
Aquarius- Dark science fiction, mad scientist, dark unicorn, storms, a corrupt leader of a cult or underground organization, magic keys, owls, Phantom from The Phantom of the Opera, corrupted technology, meditation, chaos, dark rebellion or revolution, thunderbird, aliens, portals, and dystopia.
Pisces- Ghost, mist, fog, Ouija board, medium, fortune teller, tarot cards, sea monsters, sirens, evil spirits, healing crystals, dream-catcher, nightmares, water spirits, addiction, false trust, drugs, poison, and illusions.
a kid at hogwarts who just wants to get a proper education but can’t focus because of all of the shit harry potter and his friends keep getting themselves into
Jenna B. Lacey, age eleven, knew exactly what she was going to do with her life.
She was going to go to Hogwarts, get top grades, and be the youngest female Minister of Magic by age 35.
It would have been a good plan, if she hadn’t been in the same year as Harry Potter.
* * *
Year one started out great. She was sorted into Hufflepuff, did well in all her classes, and aced the exams.
A troll smashed its way through the study room she was in on Halloween, but that wasn’t going to deter her.
* * *
Year two was a disaster. People were getting petrified, and worse—the teachers had to herd them from place to place, which severely cut down on her library time. She had to study in the common room, which meant instead of a nice, quiet atmosphere, she got a soundtrack of nervous Hufflepuffs.
And on top of that, exams were cancelled. It was a disaster.
* * *
Third year, she started to notice a trend.
First the troll, than the petrifications, and now dementor guards and escaped convicts. What did they all have in common? Potter.
After Black broke in and everyone had to spend the night in the Great Hall, interrupting Jenna’s last minute studying for a test the next day, she took to giving Potter angry looks in every class.
He did not notice.
* * *
They announced the Triwizard tournament at dinner the first night of fourth year, and Jenna almost started crying.
Potter was going to take this one over. She just knew it.
And she was right.
Voldemort rose at the end of the year. She honestly didn’t know what she had expected.
* * *
Fifth year brought Umbridge. She joined the DA because she was going to need a better background in defense, but that didn’t mean she was any happier about Potter.
She imagined it was him she was hexing instead of Zachariah Smith.
But, by the end of the year, focus on her studies was impossible. After Dumbledore left, it was complete anarchy.
Potter’s fault. Of course.
* * *
Sixth year she started volunteering in the hospital wing. She needed a backup plan in case Potter fucked it up.
All seemed quiet, until they brought Malfoy in. It was apparently Potter’s fault, which surprised everyone except Jenna.
Later, she was peacefully studying in a little nook on the third floor when some Death Eaters and some other adults started dueling right under her nose.
This was the worst fucking school, honestly.
* * *
They were calling it “The Final Battle.”
Jenna ran through the hall, dodging in and out of the children evacuating, until she saw him.
“POTTER.”
He turned, startled. “Um—Jenna, right? We’re sort of busy—”
She grabbed the front of his shirt and hauled him up until he was eye level with her. “If I’m not Minister of Magic by age 35, it is going to be entirely your fault and I’m going to hurt you.”
She dropped him and stormed away, leaving him to whatever he was doing. She had to fight this goddamn war so she could go back to her fucking studying.
* * *
She became Minister of Magic at age 36.
Fucking Potter.
I think I just found the best Harry Potter fanfic
my time has come
You actually can help this cause! Because of this project, there will be way too much data to realistically sift through individually, so they are granting public access to all of the data so everyday people like you and me can analyze it ourselves! Imagine being the person responsible for finding alien life and not even being a professional scientist.
I love how Stephen Hawking was just like “guys, this is bullshit. it’s 2015, where are the fucking aliens?”
I’m so sick of the drama in Marvel like I seriously would do anything for a Domestic Avengers book ok I’d read about them picking up their dry cleaning and vacuuming the living room over them fighting each other ANY DAY
Bonus, when Steve is upset he vacuums the living room shirtless.
[Captain America #231, 1979.]
Also we could watch Clint clean out Steve’s closet
[Captain America 401, 1992]
Tony making poor fashion choices (Ignore the dialogue)
[Iron Man 68, date uncertain, probably the 90s]
The crew giving press conferences with Stan Lee
[Avengers comic book ad, 1979]
Various boys gossipping while posing casually (Steve’s trousers are back in fashion!)
[Avengers 221, 1982]
Various ladies hanging out with cute haircuts
[Avengers 350, 1992]
The Domestic Avengers: get on it, Marvel.
“oh hey,” she said, “it’s a really touristy area, but since you’re gonna be passing through anyway, you might as well stop by pier 29, see the dragons. also, there’s a—”
“hold on,” i said. “i knew your city had mountains, but. dragons? uh, actual living dragons?”
“dude, it’s not a big deal. they’re there all the time. of course they’re majestic and everything, but they’re loud and cranky and mostly they lie around eating garbage. now and then the city council will talk about trying to make them roost somewhere else, but—”
“dragons,” i repeated. i knew it was making me sound like a rube, but it was a lot to take in. “you live in a city that has dragons.”
“no, it’s cool, we used to go see them when i was a little kid. it’s worth doing. but that whole area is mostly dragon-themed gift shops, and the commercialization is kind of a bummer. also, sometimes a dragon will melt somebody’s car and it’s a whole problem.”
“fairytale-style, giant scaly fire-breathing dragons.”
“honestly, i forget other cities don’t have them?” she said. “there’s a few other sites on the west coast where they gather. portland calls them wyverns, but that’s a portland thing.”
“chicago’s got, like, bunnies and songbirds,” i told her, “but otherwise it’s just your typical vermin. pigeons, rats, sphinxes—”
“sphinxes? what the hell.”
“oh, yeah, they nest in the el tunnels. sometimes a fucking sphinx will flap down out of nowhere, bring the whole train to a halt until the front car answers a riddle.”
“that sounds exciting,” she said.
“it’s the worst. your train winds up being twenty minutes late, and you just have to hang out hoping somebody up there read their mythology. there’s supposed to be a program where the conductors get trained in riddling, but i don’t know. rahm emmanuel keeps saying it’s not a budget priority.”
“huh,” she said. “guess the grass is always greener and all that. but on some level, it’s nice to remember that even with all these big box stores, the country still has some variety left in it.”
“yeah, did you know that in rhode island they call water fountains ‘bubblers’?” i said.
“whoa, seriously?”
“i read it somewhere. crazy, right?”
“crazy.”
SOME OF US LIKE THE SPHINXES
Mad Max: Fury Road + Dril tweets
RDJ is 5’ 8½”
Gwyneth (5’ 9”) and we know she is wearing killer heels ALL the time
Chris (6’ 0½”)
Problem solved.
I think I just bloody died scrolling down and seeing rdj wearing heels.
always reblog rdj in his hooker heels
This is fucking class
100 redesigns of janet van dyne 021
i wanted to do a guest star and there’s no one better than jennifer walters, aka she hulk- they’re both fashionable and kick ass and should be together way more often.
also because jen walters is a lawyer and one of the many people in the marvel universe who would never accept the injustice of janet van dyne being erased from the mcu avengers.
BUT CAN YOU IMAGINE JAN HAVING MATCHING OUTFITS FOR ALL THE AVENGERS. OUTFITS WHICH SHE WEARS ON VARIOUS LUNCH DATES WITH THEM. AND THEN CRIME HAPPENS AND SHE’S LIKE “WHOOPS OH LOOK AT THAT WE MATCH TEEHEHEE WHAT A COINCIDENCE.”
