Guys, I’m not trying to be dramatic, but we’ve got some serious miracle shit going on over here. First, the father-in-law, who was diagnosed with cancer 5 years ago and told he had 3 months to live, not only has lived another 5 years but as of this past December was told the cancer is gone. Completely gone. With no treatment at all.

And now, at age 81, his vision is 20/20. He’s been wearing glasses the entire I’ve known him (30 years) and now amazingly, his vision has corrected itself. 

This is pretty much going to turn into a place for me to vent about the freeloading lunatics that are my in-laws, since I have nowhere else to dump all this. I’m starting to feel like if I don’t get some of this off my chest, I’ll explode. On the upside, sometimes they are so stupid, it’s comical so there’s that at least.

Feel free to abandon ship now. I won’t blame you.

The husband and his mother had a huge blowup, which ended with him leaving. Then I hear his mother upstairs talking to her husband saying how he just lashed out for no reason and poor her blah blah blah. So I went up and called her out on her shit, how we know she talks shit about us to the rest of the family, how utterly ungrateful she behaves when she, her husband, and their dog all have lived here for free for over a year and it stops now.

She tried the boo boo cry cry everyone hates me. Well, that doesn’t work on me. She is not the victim here. She can either stop lying or leave and live with her other son. (Which she doesn’t want to do because he’s a giant douche. I wouldn’t live with him either.) We are literally her only option. She told me she thinks about killing herself everyday. I said put your shoes on then and I’m taking you to the hospital to be admitted. Oh no no, she wouldn’t do it. I said then quit threatening to try to get sympathy. (I know she wouldn’t do it. She will do anything to play the victim but wouldn’t actually do something that would take her out of the center of the universe.)

Her husband tried to come after me but I was pretty fired up and I stuck a finger in his face and told him to sit his old ass down and that seemed to do the trick. (Fun fact: I think I’d be absolutely no good in an actual fight, but I’ve never had to be in one because my crazy bitch screaming game is unparalleled.)

Now my husband and my son are at the movies and I’m here watching Midnight, Texas and waiting to see what she chooses to do next.

My argument all through this marriage has been that his mother behaves this way because everyone lets her. Says oh she’ll never change so why try? Well, I’m over it. She pits her kids against each other (which is how this started) so they don’t get along so she can believe she is their favorite. She lies constantly, to the point I don’t think she even recognizes it. She tried to tell me she doesn’t badmouth me but I literally quoted texts I’ve seen her send doing just that and she didn’t know what to say. I’m done playing her dumb ass games.

Things are either getting better or a lot worse around here real soon. Christmas. Gotta love it.

We did our Thanksgiving today and there’s not much to say that would be interesting so here’s my dog Gracie with our feral cat Elsie glaring at me behind her.

I actually don’t mind working on Saturdays because we close an hour earlier and I don’t have to call any doctor’s offices and even though we do all the same things we do during the week, it just feels more relaxed.

Friday Five

The in-laws are back. They were gone from September until last week. It was nice to have them gone. It’s not nice to have them back.

I wasn’t ready to be cold. But at least we don’t have any snow. Yet.

My son was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism. He has to go at the end of the month for a radioactive iodine scan so they can see what’s really going on. At least, he thinks it’s at the end of this month. Might be December. This is what happens when your kid is 19 and is charge of his own health stuff. Things get lost in translation. 

I went back to Chicago for my high school reunion and stayed in a hotel and slept 10+ hours a night. It was amazing.

I know I’m late to the party on this one but my new shows this fall are A Million Little Things and New Amsterdam.

Softball parent meeting tonight for fall ball. I am so bad at parent meetings. Like I start off paying attention and following along, but after 45 minutes, I’m scrolling through my phone and making faces at my kid.

Also there’s a new coach this year and really? My kid’s a senior. Last year’s coach couldn’t stay one more year so I don’t have to have the “my kid has a brain tumor so if she says she needs something you better fucking listen to her” talk with a new guy? Come on people. Work with me here.

Brain dump

Last Monday, my daughter had an MRI (since she hasn’t had one since 2014) and her meningioma is unchanged in size. That’s great news and means she won’t need to have it removed in the near future. But she’s having headaches and visual disturbances - think floaters but actually splotches of color instead - so we’ll go see an ophthalamolgist in July and see if he can explain it. 

Spoiler alert: he won’t be able to. Because they never can. 

When she was first diagnosed in 2010, they said she shouldn’t be able to see because the mass sits on her occipital lobe. But she can. They said her symptoms would get worse when she hit puberty. She hasn’t had a seizure in 7 years. Except for the headaches - and a tremor in her right hand which they also can’t explain - she’s fine. 

As frustrating as it is to never really know what’s going on, I’ve spent enough time on the neuological floor of the children’s hospital to know, it could be so much worse.