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Grief is a strange thing. You can try to ignore it. You can make yourself busy to avoid it. But, it will wait on you. Grief doesn’t care what you do to put it off. It’s patient. And when life slows down, when your mind slows the rapid fire hamster wheel you’ve kept it turning at to avoid thinking about things, the grief will be there, ready to swallow you in its cold embrace.
When my dad died, I avoided dwelling on it. The grief and pain were overwhelming and I avoided dealing with them. But they didn’t go anywhere. The pain, the loss, the grief- they waited on me. I eventually had to deal with them. It taught me a lesson. You have to deal with things, no matter how painful.
My best friend died unexpectedly February 9th. He lived one state over and we hardly got to see each other, but we remained close. I texted him on the 9th about finally visiting him the next weekend and bringing my 11 yr old to see all of his Star Wars armor and memorabilia. His 15 yr old son is the one who answered my text, telling me my friend, his dad, had died that morning.
Instead of running from the sorrow and pain I feel, I have met it head on. Instead of struggling against it and fighting, I have welcomed the grief like an old friend, and wrapped it in a warm embrace. If losing my dad taught me anything, it taught me that you HAVE to deal with the pain and come to terms with the loss, no matter how much it destroys you in that moment.
I won’t go into more detail about my friend, Sean. Other than to say he was my best friend for 27 yrs. I was closer to him than I am to some of my siblings. He was a brother to me and I’ll always mourn his loss. But, I’m grateful he was in my life. He shared my sense of humor. We understood each other
The above picture is at my wedding, with him sticking his finger in my butt right when the photographer snapped the picture, while my wife watched.
The other day, my wife asked me if I still kept up with my blog. Blog? What blog? I had almost forgotten I had one. I’m still in contact with a lot of folks from tumblr, but I haven’t posted on here in forevvvvvver. Not sure if anybody even still comes on here anymore.
So- a quick update. I’ve lost another 20 lbs since my last update- so a little over 70 lbs lost over the course of the last year. Frequent HIIT, lots of weight lifting, and cleaned up my diet. Keto gave me a jump start, but I just eat what I want now. Still have about 30 lbs to go, but I’m not obsessed with it like I used to be. The best part? Zero running was involved. Who knew?
Let’s see, what else? My wife had her thyroid taken out. It turned out to be cancerous. She’s fine now- everything is fine on that front. She’s cancer free and still lets me sleep with her, so that’s pretty great.
My Kids are bigger. My oldest just turned eleven, which is weird. I had the birds and the bees talk with him last week which was the highlight of my parenting life so far. I took him for a walk, thinking that it would take 5 min top, and it lasted an hour and a half. Apparently the whole “honesty and love no matter what” atmosphere that we’ve tried to cultivate actually sunk in because he had zero problems asking questions. He’s a genuinely sweet and sensitive kid, so it was nice that he felt safe and comfortable enough with me to ask all of the questions he did. I told my wife that since I talked to him, she can take on the 8yr old when the time comes. He’s the kid that as you turn a corner in the house, he will sometimes randomly be waiting there, pants down, cheeks spread, so that he can go around the rest of the night saying, “Quit trying to look at my butthole.” There’s something not quite right about that boy. I’ve always said he takes after his momma.
What else? Oh, thereluctantrunner wrote a book! I wrote a review for it on Amazon that got my account banned. So, I created another account and wrote a G-rated review that Amazon accepted. Maybe I’ll post the original review on here.
Wow, writing blog stuff is exhausting.
Instead of celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary yesterday, my wife spent the night in the hospital, recuperating from having her thyroid out the day after Christmas. She had a couple of nodules that were benign on needle aspiration, but were continuing to grow, so she had a thyroidectomy.
The surgeon called us tonight at home to tell us the pathology report came back this afternoon and showed a papillary carcinoma. Thyroid cancer.
Luckily, the thyroid is history, so that’s a plus
The wall I turned into a chalkboard is finally being used! In other news, drawing with chalk sucks and I’m ready to repaint that wall....
50 lbs down since the beginning of September. I was working with this giant bodybuilder/trainer for a while. I was getting great workouts, but was still as fat as ever. He quit training people to take a management job at a new gym in town. When he dumped me, something just clicked inside me. I don’t need a trainer. I know what to do. So, I started working out on my own. A little at first, and now 5 days a week. Besides my workouts, the big change was my diet. My cholesterol was super high. I was on the threshold of type 2 diabetes. (Probably had a toe in that pool already). I was tired all the time. I was depressed. I realized I was slowly committing suicide. I was dying... So, I decided to change the way I was living. To start, try a different way of eating. I researched, and then started eating a ketogenic diet. Super high in fat. Moderate protein. Low carb. I have already adjusted and worked more carbs in than when I started. I’m still eating 2500 calories a day. The key is the combo of high fat with the low carb. I starting dropping pounds. My blood work is all better than it’s been in a decade. Cholesterol: normal. Blood sugar: normal. Energy levels are way better. I don’t snore anymore. I make sure I’m hydrated- I drink a gallon of water a day. The keto diet has helped, but the real change has been mental. I just woke up one morning and decided I’d had enough. I’ve still got a long way to go, but I honestly don’t obsess about it anymore. I just Live life every day and make my health a priority- things that normal, healthy, fit people do every day without even thinking about it. So, life is good....
After a swim workout where my 9 yr old swam a mile and a half, my wife took both the boys to the local University's water park today. They were there for 6 hrs. When they got home, they were exhausted and starving. As a treat, I took them all out. Both boys ordered chicken strips. Both boys also talked to their food when it came. My 9 yr old (addressing his chicken): "You look so beautiful. Welcome to your new home- my mouth!" My 6 yr old (who had watched my 9 yr old talking to his food)*whispers to his chicken strip*: "Soon you will become my poop" Some things never change. I've been MIA on here for a while. No reason- just busy. My 6 yr old had his tonsils out earlier this year. My 9 yr old broke his arm. My wife has her crohns under control with diet alone, but has recently been diagnosed with Hoshimotos (hypothyroidism), and after months of moodiness and no energy- was tested and found to have next to no testosterone. So, hopefully, the replacement therapy will have her feeling human again soon. Who knew that the fat guy would be the healthiest one in the family?