Like a lot of trans people, I spent years and years hiding my body from the world. I quit sports teams and exercise in my youth to avoid changing rooms, spent endless hot summer days in pain under layers of compression vests, binders and baggy clothing, and rarely took my top off in front of partners. There were areas of my body that felt wrong and I couldn't allow them to be noticed or seen by anyone but myself. They were in essence - off limits. If I could deny their existence to the world, maybe they would just disappear and cease to be. People mistake these acts as self hatred for our bodies. It isn't. It's not hate that fuels these coping mechanisms, but merely acts of survival. It is doing what we can to help us understand why our bodies developed in ways that betray what our hearts and minds know to be our true and authentic selves. It is this re-learning and understanding that helps us find the strength to engage with services like gender clinics, empathic and well informed doctors and surgeons. Surgery can better our lives and our existence through means of altering the physical form that causes us emotional and spiritual unrest and uneasiness. Every trans person's journey is different, and not everyone seeks the same outcome. For me, it was something I had wanted from the age of about 16. Like many others, I upload these photos for myself. To document my progress, my self growth, and my experiences. It feels empowering to share it with others, but mainly, it feels empowering to feel at home in this skin. #weexist #transgender #ftm #recovery #progression #surgery
