That's right boys, mondo cool.

What I expected moving to texas: oh hm, cowboy boot... steak..,? the ole' prairie. youve been invited to,come lasso a tumbleweed,! 'howdy there sherriff' as a tramp stamp tattoo. Sweet teA hp potion... country girls make do

What I got when I moved to texas: i cant really leave the house bc theres about 20-30 of these big blue crabs that came up from their underground tunnels bc of the wet and rainy weather all standing on the patio having a fucking clawnference meeting

I lived in Texas for 2 years and I’m so glad I never had whatever this problem is. I would have left immediately. 

hmmm

Is there anything more nauseating than ‘expensive heterosexual wedding’ culture?

My dream wedding: outside, illegal fireworks, shoes are optional, mostly potluck, someone’s dressed as a wizard, I get to insult my relatives, hopefully some live music.

You want to get married at Bilbo Baggins 111th birthday

Mans out here got all the bread

GameCube promo blowup chair

[sits in this & thrives]

my very own iron throne

skin is just people crust

the outside of that crust is called the “horny layer”

u r on drugs

nope

Incredibly powerful underwear, spotted in Belize

me n the boys