60 medical reasons why I don't want to give birth

Ectopic pregnancy (can kill you)

Spontaneous abortion (awesome)

Chorioamnionitis (infection in the fluid, makes labour longer. Just what you need)

Shoulder dystocia (babys shoulder gets stuck in your vag, you tear, bleed or your uterus ruptures.)

Breech delivery (fucking thing is upside down. Cesarean or turning #fuckno)

Uterine rupture (it tears, more pain. oh yeah, disability or death for mother. )

Hysterectomy after delivery (or before, you know just putting that out there)

Postpartum infection

Postpartum depression

Septic pelvic thrombosis (infection)

Hypertension (high blood pressure)

Preeclampsia (caused by the above. Includes impaired liver function, kidney dysfunction, fluid in the lungs and seizures.)

Eclampsia (name for the above seizures)

Placental abruption (bleeding and dangerously low blood pressure)

Amniotic fluid embolism (amniotic fluid in blood, causes heart and lung issues and massive bleeding)

Delayed delivery (ouch)

Incontinence (ew)

Premature rupture of membranes (for her, bacterial infection) Incompetent cervix (they operate if needs be)

Macrosomia (big baby 8 to 13 oz, fuck that)

Twin pregnancy (no)

Triplets and more (Hell fucking no)

Seizures (again?!)

Gestational trophoblastic disease (tumors, yup.)

Gestational diabetes

Hyperemesis gravidarum (level 10 morning sickness all the way through)

Pelvic girdle pain (limits movement severely)

HELLP syndrome (possible kidney failure)

Acute fatty liver of pregnancy (might die)

Deep vein thrombosis (could lose a limb or die. 2nd most common cause of pregnancy death in the USA)

Pregnancy-induced hypercoagulability (blood clots, might die)

Mastitis (really sore boobs)

Peripartum cardiomyopathy (heart problems, might die)

Postpartum bleeding (losing upto 1000 ml of blood)

Perineal tear (vagina meet anus, now you are one!)

Thyroid disease in pregnancy (not good)

Pruritic urticarial papules and plaques of pregnancy (hives)

Intrahepatic cholestasis of pregnancy (itchy)

Gestational pemphigoid (like herpes)

Prurigo gestationis (gross lumpy skin)

Obstetric fistula (hole in the birth canal. Incontinence)

Uterine incarceration (constipation, back pain)

Gestational trophoblastic disease (more tumors)

Antiphospholipid antibody syndrome (blood clots)

Postpartum thyroiditis (underactive thyroid)

Hyperpigmentation (skin goes weird)

Hair growth changes/ falls out

Herpes

Pruritic urticarial papaules of pregnancy

Abnormality of maternal pelvic organs

Postpartum acute renal failure

Postpartum nephritis

Haemorrhoids

Obstetric embolism (lockjaw and spasms)

Obstetrical tetanus

Unicornuate uterus

Maternal death

All the swelling.

Hip dysplasia.

Teeth can fall out

Malnutrition

Mood swings

Uterine prolapse (for the love of God do not google