A lot of people ask me what my biggest fear is, or what scares me most. And I know they expect an answer like heights, or closed spaces, or people dressed like animals, but how do I tell them that when I was 17 I took a class called Relationships For Life and I learned that most people fall out of love for the same reasons they fell in it. That their lover’s once endearing stubbornness has now become refusal to compromise and their one track mind is now immaturity and their bad habits that you once adored is now money down the drain. Their spontaneity becomes reckless and irresponsible and their feet up on your dash is no longer sexy, just another distraction in your busy life. Nothing saddens and scares me like the thought that I can become ugly to someone who once thought all the stars were in my eyes.

this fucks me up every single time

I never expected this to be my most popular poem out of the hundreds I’ve written. I was extremely bitter and sad when I wrote this and I left out the most beautiful part of that class.

After my teacher introduced us to this theory, she asked us, “is love a feeling? Or is it a choice?” We were all a bunch of teenagers. Naturally we said it was a feeling. She said that if we clung to that belief, we’d never have a lasting relationship of any sort.

She made us interview a dozen adults who were or had been married and we asked them about their marriages and why it lasted or why it failed. At the end, I asked every single person if love was an emotion or a choice.

Everybody said that it was a choice. It was a conscious commitment. It was something you choose to make work every day with a person who has chosen the same thing. They all said that at one point in their marriage, the “feeling of love” had vanished or faded and they weren’t happy. They said feelings are always changing and you cannot build something that will last on such a shaky foundation.

The married ones said that when things were bad, they chose to open the communication, chose to identify what broke and how to fix it, and chose to recreate something worth falling in love with.

The divorced ones said they chose to walk away.

Ever since that class, since that project, I never looked at relationships the same way. I understood why arranged marriages were successful. I discovered the difference in feelings and commitments. I’ve never gone for the person who makes my heart flutter or my head spin. I’ve chosen the people who were committed to choosing me, dedicated to finding something to adore even on the ugliest days.

I no longer fear the day someone who swore I was their universe can no longer see the stars in my eyes as long as they still choose to look until they find them again.

This is so fucking important and I think it’s something I needed right now

Lesson of the Day

Don’t become a MattyBRaps fan account.

advice to all mutuals: flirt with me sometimes

someone please follow me before taytay hits me with a lawsuit

For fucks sake the 1989 trademark is only if it’s in the same font as it is on the album. Do your goddamned research.

if i made that fuckening larry picture my icon how many of u would unfolllow me 

i definitely would

I’M SSSSSO DONE WITH THIS FANDOM!!

I’m the girl

I’m just cookin pizza!

# WHERE WOULD THIS HAVE GONE IF HE HADNT SMACKED HIM

lol yes, so then i can shave.

     One minute, 37 seconds.      My legs are shaking. Holy cow, there is no way I can do this. None.      One minute, 29 secods.      I glance around at the faces surrounding the room. Of course my Meeting would take place in the gross, overcrowded cafeteria.      One minute, six seconds.      Somewhere within these four walls, someone has the exact same countdown on their wrist. They’re going through the exact same pressure as me.       54 seconds.      Mom said I should be excited, not nervous. Yet I still find myself wiping my sweaty palms on my dress. I can’t believe she talked me into wearing a dress. I mean, shouldn’t  my Soul Mate meet me as I normally am? All plain jeans, blah shirts, and wild brown curls?      30 seconds.      Something deep within me tells me to stand up. I do, drawing the attention of my tablemates. They all know too. They smile encouragingly up at me. I chew my lip nervously.      25 seconds.      That same feeling pulls me towards the center of the room. My stomach drops away from me as I take a step in that direction.      20 seconds.      I continue in that direction. With each step the tempo of my heart picks up.      19. Faster.      18. Quicker.      17. More rapid.      16.  It’s racing.      Oh my god this is it. The moment my life changes forever.      My eyes search frantically around the cafeteria, searching for someone who looks as nervous as me. For someone who’s heading towards their future with no sense of direction like me.      10 seconds.      The feeling directs me slightly to the left. I turn to accomodate.      5. My heart has given up entirely.      4. I stop walking.      3. Just waiting left.      2. Everything is about to change.      1. Deep breath.

     0000 d 00 h  00 m  00 s

     Someone bumps my shoulder. I twirl around and my gray eyes meet blue, blue ones.      “Hello there, love. It appears as though we’re Soul Mates then, eh?”      As my words fail me, the only thing I can think is “I’m so glad I shaved this morning.”

 I watch my friend carefully. Her excitement is glowing all over her pretty face. Exactly 2 minutes left, she tells me. We’re waiting at the bus stop and the bus is coming in two minutes. I think she hoped she’d meet them on a beach at sunset or something.  ”I mean that’s ok - these things can’t always be romantic I mean my mum met dad when he was working at the book store and it’s not like you can plan it to be romantic I just hoped, I mean everyone hopes don’t they-” she breaks off, looking at me awkwardly. “Sorry. It’s just a big day for me you know.” Yes I do know. You’ve been going on about it for the past year. I smile at her.  ”Don’t worry. You nervous? You’ll be ok, you always are,” I grin, determined not to ruin this for her. It’s selfish of me to be moody. This is her future being determined. Right here. In now, precisely 1 minute 30 seconds.  She smiles at me, but it isn’t quite reaching her eyes. She’s restless and keeps tapping her foot. Her eyes are wide with.. fear? Excitement? Nerves? Probably all of them and a thousand more things I can’t imagine. She keeps checking her wrist. So do I. The bus comes around the corner. 1 minute 10 seconds.  ”Hey. I’ll leave you alone now ok? The bus is here. I’ll sit a couple of seats away, and be there if you need me,” I say, squeezing her arm reassuringly. “Good luck.” I hope it sounded sincere.  The bus pulls up and I climb on first, taking a quick glance at her while I give the driver my ticket. She’s shaking and looks a little green. I want to give her a hug but know I shouldn’t interrupt now. I look at the passengers and it’s full of pensioners. My heart starts beating frantically. What? I can’t see anyone else at the bus stop. But she’s only 18, she can’t end up with a 80 year old.   I turn around and look at her - she’s breathing hard. The bus driver asks if she’s ok but she ignores him. Her eyebrows are creased and her face is flushed. Oh. Oh no. Stay calm. Someone is probably late. I give her a thumbs up and try to smile reassuringly. I think it’s more of a grimace.  I take a seat near the back. Look at my watch. 25 seconds. She sits down a few seats away.

 Suddenly a dark shape runs past my window and a boy jumps on the bus. He has that same frantic look in his eyes. I breathe out with relief.  ”Yeah get on, we’re running late,” the driver says, taking his ticket. The boy looks around, carefully stepping towards the seats. He’s tall and handsome, holding a sketchbook. I smile slightly; my friend hates art.  4 seconds  He spots her.  3 seconds  His eyes widen as he walks closer, as if being pulled by an invisible rope.  2 seconds  My friend stands up too, that same rope tying her to him.  1 second -  ”I was worried the bus would leave. No way could I miss meeting my soul mate!” he jokes, though he looks just as nervous as she. They smile at each other as they both sit down together. I can’t hear what they’re talking about.

 I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Suddenly I’m crying. Hot tears dropping down my cheeks.

 I look at my wrist, scratching at it. Trying to get rid of it. 

 The numbers have never changed.

 They’ve always been at 0.

Oh my god that last one…. My heart… The feels….

AGH ALL OF YOU WRITE A BOOK THIS VERY INSTANT. PLEASE.

this is beautiful and everyone needs to read it

i hate you tumblr, fucking breaking my goddamn heart

Then, one day, you’re having dinner with a friend you’ve known for as long as you can remember (or perhaps a friend of the family), and you finally talk to them about your counter. You’re crying, explaining that it’s always been at 0, and so you must not have a soul-mate.

Their eyes widen. Tears begin to form, and they throw their arms around you.

“Mine has always been at 0 too.”

And that’s when you know…

10 seconds: the doorbell rings, i get out of my chair 5 seconds: i give the man my money 0 seconds: i open the box. it is the most glorious pizza i have ever seen in my life.

This post always has different stories on it and I always have to read it and reblog it

Yeah but can I have that countdown for my period?

what about an ace one?

Reblog if your best friend is pretty.

sometimes i try to scroll past this but then i feel guilty

i’m rebloggin this on my best mates computer and i said “well i guess i have to reblog this” and she was like “awe bae” and i looked her dead in the eye and said

what makes you think i’m talking about you

gotta keep em on their toes ay 

i really love you…………..ng god by halsey

Things Troye Taught Us

The plan was simple:

I reached out to people all over Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, etc to tell me the things that @troyesivan has taught them individually. 

The response was truly heartwarming 

So here we go:

@troyesivan

This is little post I put together, with the help of many of my online friends.  This is a post of things you’ve taught, not only me, but many other people in your fandom. We’re all so thankful to have you as one of our idols, and we love you dearly. Thank you for everything.

Keep reading

Music is a very direct line to my emotions. My emotions are very accessible through music y’know? I don’t cry or anything like that, but if there’s something that makes me cry it’s music. It’s just always been very attached to my emotions and how I feel.

larry x troye sivan