shoutout to people going through puberty, that shit is exhausting 

Extra shoutout to the people going through puberty twice cause the first time wasn’t the right way

respect

I have the blog colors thing on and

Beautiful.

of all the outcomes in all the universes this is the best possible result

10 tricks you didn’t know you could do with your food.

By Blossom

The internet went from showing food recipe videos to alchemy in less than a decade. There’s going to be a quick video on how to make the philosopher’s stone from tomato sauce next week. 

The peanut butter crystal is complete and utter BS, just a hook to get you to watch the rest of the (tamer!) life hacks. As Seen On Social Media tested it here. What is shown in the video is a regular quartz crystal, which is a silicon-oxygen matrix and contains no carbon. Crystallized carbon is a diamond.

If you really want to make your own diamond at home (the size of a grain of sand, but a real diamond) it’s a bit more complicated. 

Mineblr: wow i just love minedcraft it is so calming and relaxing

Minecraft: literally has a mechanic where creepy unnerving sounds play if you are in low enough light levels just to scare people

@grandest-relic

A drink or two

A real revolver does not have a seam down the middle

^^^^

Joke Maker: “A horse walks into a bar, bartender asks, “Why the long face?” The horse says, “My wife died.”“

Your Dumbasses: “Wait, horses can’t talk.”

If anything the gun obviously being fake adds another layer to the joke about how the average COD punk is some 14 year that would piss their pants being confronted about their assholery in real life but act tough online.

Drink water, get plenty of sleep, go mad in the forest, speak with the dead, take your meds, don’t talk to cops

this text from my father is funnier than anything I’ve ever said

Happy Halloween

Big lick energy

Alternative:

happy halloween here’s my witchy cat who’s apparently discovered that the dryer stays warm after the clothes are taken out

G O U R D   H O A R D

I was digging for fossils in the shallows and found an angry male blue crab instead

what is a crab but a fossil that’s still alive

I saw this post about death’s head hawkmoths looking like they have abs so I did… the obvious thing and made a buff goth moth

he’s the lead vocalist for a noise band and gives excellent hugs

patreon / ko-fi

In holland when someone doesn’t close the door behind their backs we say ‘Ben je in de kerk geboren?’ which literally translates to ‘Have you been born in church?’ @useless-netherlandsfacts

In the United States we say, “Were you raised in a barn?” It’s supposed to imply that the person was raised without any manners. But as people who frequently use barns have told me, you would never leave the barn door open because then the animals could get out.

In Italy when someone walks in a room and doesn’t close the door we say “abiti al Colosseo?” (and other variants), which translates to “do you live at the Colosseum?” because the Colosseum hasn’t got doors

In Bulgaria we say ‘Da ne jiveesh v peshtera?’ and it translates as ‘Do you live in a cave?’ and it both implies you were raised mannerless like in the stone ages and that you don’t use use doors b/c caves don’t have any

In my house we say, “What the fuck, dude?” because I live alone and when a door is opened by someone who isn’t me, it’s usually my cat slamming his face into it at maximum velocity before disappearing into the next room.

Dog does not understand

ARE YOU KIDDING ME THIS RULES

i thought my mom put a gargoyle on our porch for a minute and then i realized

our cat is just very dedicated to being as creepy as fucking possible

‘If I fits, I sits.  If I don’t fits, I sits anyway.”