have a mercer moodboard that also doubles as an alignment chart
NO BUT YOU ALL NEED TO UNDERSTAND HOW FUNNY THIS IS THEYRE LITERALLY FILLING A ROBOT WITH BULLETS, LIKE BULLETS THAT YOU FIRE FROM A GUN. NOW NORMALLY FIRING A GUN TRIGGERS THE BULLET TO EXPLODE CREATING A PRESSURE THAT CAUSES THE TIP OF THE BULLET TO BE FORCED OUT OF THE BARREL AT A HIGH SPEED.
WHaT CAVE JOHNSON’S TURRET’S DO IS LOAD A TON OF FUCKING BULLETS INTO THE CASE OF THE SENTRY LIKE IT”S A GODDAMN GUMBALL MACHINE AND THEN USE A FUcKIN SPRING LOADED PISTON TO FIRE IT THAT IS SO UNNECESSARY AND INEFFECTIVE LIKE NO WONDER CHELL CAN RESIST SO MANY BULLETS THE LIKELIHOOD ITD CAUSE ANYTHING MORE THAN A BAD BRUISE IS LIKE ONE IN A HUNDRED
but it’s 65% more bullet per bullet
Wait a second are you telling me
that Portal is such a perfect goddamn game that they even have an explanation for why a video game protagonist can withstand being shot multiple times??????????
I wanna be 14 again and ruin my life differently… I have new ideas
So when YOU sew a bunch of unmatched parts together, it is “a quilt” and “a beautiful gift” and “will assuredly become a family heirloom” but when I sew a bunch of unmatched parts together it is “A MONSTER” and “AN ABOMINATION, AN AFFRONT TO THE GODS” and goes on “A MURDEROUS KILLING SPREE.”
you know what’s always bugged me? when a character is faced with some magical two headed being or some shit and one always lies while the other tells the truth and to figure out which is which the character’s like “which one of you is the liar” or something like bruh literally all you gotta do is be like “what’s two plus two” one of them’s gonna say four and the other one is gonna say 83 or some shit. there you go. answered. go on with your magical quest to defeat david bowie.
this has forty notes. that’s forty more notes than expected.
THIS IS A VERY GOOD POINT and deserves more notes
LISTEN i don’t normally engage in Discourse but this information is DANGEROUSLY MISLEADING!
the point of the riddle isn’t to figure out which one is lying, in fact, knowing which one lies and which one tells the truth is irrelevant. What you want is the correct answer from the magical beast/two guards/etc. Usually this means knowing which path to take. For that, you HAVE to ask it “if i ask the other head/guard/etc which is the safe way to go, what will they tell me?”
if you asked the truth-telling one, they’ll tell you the wrong way, because the liar will always mislead you. if you ask the liar, they’ll tell you the wrong way, because they’re misleading you, so
ALWAYS do the opposite of whatever answer you get.
“who cares this is a stupid tumblr post this doesn’t matter irl–”
WRONG AGAIN! story time:
A few years ago a friend threw a halloween party, and since he dressed as the Riddler, he decided to have a riddle contest.
now, i’ve been preparing for a riddle contest my entire life, since i first read the hobbit and it got bilbo out of trouble. for some reason, i assumed riddle contests were as inevitable as quicksand.
I answered the first riddle easily (it was one of the ones from the hobbit) and then i had to answer the next one to win a bottle of top-shelf rum. it was a variation on the two-guard riddle, only i had to choose one of two paper bags. one had crappy cheap vodka, the other the nice rum.
the host and his friend did the classic one lies one tells the truth thing, and of course before i asked everyone started shouting “ask him what color your hair is!” and stuff like that, but i already knew what to ask, so i shushed them and won the rum
remember, kids, it doesn’t matter which one is lying and which one is telling the truth. all that matters is you get the correct knowledge to move you forward, win your rum, and make you seem like a superhuman riddle-solver to a crowd of drunken party guests.
always be ready for a riddle contest
Here’s a thing that usually doesn’t come up when people try to criticise this riddle as well. One of the conditions of the riddle is typically that you only get to ask one question. You arrive at the liar and the truth teller and you need to find out which bridge is safe and which one will collapse when you’re halfway across.
They tell you that one of them always lies and that one of them always tells the truth. And they tell you you can ask them one question.
If you ask “What’s two plus two?” than great. You know which one lies but you also still don’t know which bridge you can cross and can’t find out.
You played yourself.
i can get the answer in zero questions. block all the other exits, light them on fire, and see which way they run.
^ Look at Alexander the Great up here, cutting the knot and all.
what do you call a pansexual man named nick who works at a cd store?
pan nick at the disc co.
Get the fuck out
fine, you want me to close the goddamn door too?
oh my god I finally found the post
tag yourself: lifesims and games that involve the mining and the crafting edition
The song “Jolene” but the singer never stops describing Jolene, going into more and more details and getting more and more disturbing until you’re not sure what Jolene is except that you’re afraid of her.
♪ your teeth are sharp / your mouth agape your claws rend flesh / there’s no escape from the judgement of the Eldritch One, Jolene ♪
He screams about you in his sleep and when he wakes, does naught but weep in terror, of the one they call Jolene
blackening the summer skies
with burning wings and countless eyes
we tremble at the sight of you, Jolene
♪ we cower here beneath your gaze that sets the earth and sky ablaze have mercy at the end of days, Jolene ♪
Accents 101
So if you’re a dm like me, you probably want to be relatively skilled in some typical fantasy accents for your game to make things feel that much more real. So i’ve decided to throw together a little master post of “how to” videos on some various accents. This is mostly for my own reference, but if you’d like to save this for yourself too, go right ahead. Feel free to add on to this, as well!
General Accent Tips
- How To Learn Any Accent (1)
- How To Learn Any Accent (2)
- How To Do 12 Different Accents
- US/UK/Aussie English Vocabulary Differences
- One Woman, 17 British Accents
- How To Lose Your Native Accent
- How To Learn A Different Accent
- Fun Tour of American Accents
Scottish
- Scottish In Under 2 Minutes
- How to Speak With A Scottish Accent
- HOW TO DO A SCOTTISH ACCENT
- Speaking Scottish 101
- Scottish Slang
- Gerard Butler Teaches You Scottish Slang
- Scottish Insults
English or “British”
- How To Do A British Accent
- 3 Ways to Sound More British
- HOW TO DO A BRITISH ACCENT CONVINCINGLY (1)
- HOW TO DO A BRITISH ACCENT CONVINCINGLY (2)
- HOW TO DO A BRITISH ACCENT CONVINCINGLY (3)
- Henry Cavill and Simon Pegg Teach You English Slang
French
- How To Speak With A French Accent
- How To Do A French Accent In UNDER TWO MINUTES
- Tips on how to do a French Accent
- French Accent Tip
Irish
- How to do an Irish Accent
- How To Do An Irish Accent
- How To Do An Irish Accent
- Guide to Irish Accents
- How To Do An Irish Accent In UNDER TWO MINUTES
Russian
- How To Speak With A Russian Accent
- How to Do a Russian Accent | Accent Training
- How to speak with a Russian Accent
- How Russians Speak English
- How To Do A Russian Accent
German
- How To Have A German Accent
- How to do a GERMAN ACCENT?
- Get the Perfect German ACCENT
- Me speaking in 12 GERMAN DIALECTS!
- How To Do A German Accent
- 5 Steps to a perfect German Accent
Canadian
I don’t usually do reblogs but this may come in handy for some of you.
Disclaimer: using accents is NEVER required, but it can add a bit of fun! Don’t feel pressured to adopt one if you aren’t comfy with it!
HI! I LOVE YOU! I need you to know that I would read a full length novel version of the chilliad, and that as a pan polyam girl, dite gives me life. Please continue this!!!
honestly, like, it’s dité’s world and we’re all just living in it. anyway, here’s a present:
—-
ares was not the most remarkable thing to happen to heff, the day that ares first happened, which is saying something, because ares is a lot.
it was the first couple weeks of their freshman year at university, and things were still … settling, for them. heff was used to seeing dité only in the summers, used to not hearing from her when she was back in barbados. that they’d ended up at the same college was half-fluke, half-coup, but he didn’t expect it to like, change anything.
he’d known every day of their relationship that probably she’d outgrow him, or at least outgrow wanting him, and didn’t mind. he’d liked her before the miracle of sex stuff, and he’d like her after.
it’ll be different, being together all the time, his mom had warned him. there will be lots of …um, other boys, at college. it’s not just the two of you anymore.
having your mom say you weren’t hot enough to hold onto your sex-friend was a pretty rough way to start college, but like, heff had looked in mirrors before. he knew what he looked like, and what dité looked like. he got it.
so when dité swanned into his room at the fraternity with this CW-looking frat bro attached to her mouth, he thought, okay. this is the part where she finally dates people in her league and heff goes back to being what he probably should have been all along, which was the comic relief.
it was kind of rude that she was doing all this while still wearing the earrings he’d made her for her sixteenth birthday, though. and like … on his bed. with him in the room.
“heff, this is ares,” she’d announced, once she’d detached herself enough to take a breath.
“hi, ares,” heff said, aiming for droll. “nice, uh … toga.”
“thanks,” ares grinned. “you should see what it looks like on the floor.”
heff blinked.
“he doesn’t like it when you leave things on the floor,” dité scolded. “it’s like a whole thing, with him. fold it and leave it on the dresser.”
ares shrugged agreeably, pulling the toga up over his head.
“you getting in, man?” he asked, resettling on the bed, “or are you more into, like, the visual? that’s hot, too.”
heff swiveled his head from ares to dité and back again. “uh,” he said. “don’t take this the wrong way, but what … is happening?”
dité smiled at him, soft and fond and the same as she always had. she got up off the bed and walked over to him, dropping unceremoniously into his lap. “oh, babe. do you really need me to explain to you how a threesome works?”
“shut up,” he said, shoving at her, but gently enough that she wasn’t dislodged. “just to be clear, you want to have a threesome. with him. and me.”
dité looked genuinely puzzled. “who else would i have a threesome with? it’s usually the boyfriend, the girlfriend, and a rando. no offense,” she added over her shoulder.
“fuck you, but none taken,” said ares.
“boyfriend?” heff felt more dazed and unsettled than he had in a long time. he’d been ready to – he’d thought –
dité’s mind was a bag of wet, furious cats, always, and he’d assumed that he was just the balm that worked for now. but with other options … with options like the buck-ass naked dude currently on heff’s own goddamn bed, why on earth would she sit in his lap and say – and call him –
she was staring at him, mouth agape. “ … ye-e-e-es,” she said, slowly. “heff, you’ve been my boyfriend since we were like fourteen, oh my god, did you – did you not know?”
she paused.
“wait, have you been cheating on me?”
“okay, you’re the one who brought a man into my room with plans to have sex with him, so let’s not get too defensive,” he snapped, grasping for something solid. “but also, of course not, look at me. it’s a miracle you want to have sex with me. it’s not like there’s a line.”
dité was silent, still gaping at him, but he could tell that her ire was rising and his surprise was still too great for him to figure out how to dampen it.
from the bed, ares said, “what? you’re buff as stuff, dude. little in the middle but you got much –”
“shut up,” dité snapped. “heff. heff. are you serious?”
heff thought about it. he thought about all the long summers, dité in sweatpants, her hair tied unceremoniously on the top of her head. crumbs on the corner of her mouth. laughing at him, so hard her chin tucked into her collarbone and made it double. dité talking to him and only him at parties, her eyes sweeping over the room and never finding anyone else she liked more than she liked him.
dité telling him her college choices and making him apply. dité saying, this is the one we both got into, so i guess this is where we’re going.
dité swearing, dité shouting, dité flirting with cops to get out of speeding tickets. and heff there all the time, because she chose him, because she wanted him to be, and no one else.
“no,” he decided, and rubbed his thumbs against the corners of her eyes, smoothing out the worried wrinkles. “no, deets. i’m teasing. let’s have a threesome, why the fuck not.”
tag yourself: lifesims and games that involve the mining and the crafting edition
I hate it. Bad post. Horrible. Have a terrible day
@ominouslymathematical you need to see this post :D
Hey guys!! Here’s the ✨ BIG NEWS ✨ ive been talking about for a while!! And where all my secret art has been going :)
Rezonite is a two-player dueling card game where mages battle using magical crystals. There are five characters to choose between, each with their own school of magic, or decks can be built from any of the 150 cards available. It’s a fast-paced, intuitive game and it’s really fun to play!
Robyn has been passionate about this for YEARS (she’s had me on board for the art since 2016) and she REALLY knows what she’s doing here. She’s a close friend and I played D&D in the same group as her for years and she taught me SO much of what I know about gaming in general; she has a real knack for it and this game is the culmination of that interest and skill, and I can personally vouch that she is going to work to make this the best product possible!
As for me, I have been 100% responsible for the art! :) I designed the five characters from discussions with Robyn about the five decks and their play styles, and have drawn around 45 cards at this point, with a grand total of 155 (including the character cards) by the end of the project!
Please have a look at the Kickstarter page, watch the video Robyn has put together (it’s incredibly informative!!!) and consider pledging and sharing this page with everyone you know!
I’ll be sharing art I’ve done for the Nature deck (featured above) throughout the next 30 days and am SO excited to show you all what we have been working on!
Game’s solid as hell, and I don’t say that lightly about card games. I really think Robyn has something special here.
It feels like trying to build a sandcastle in a warzone, and praying that your opponent only steps on the part you hid a bear trap in. It’s a game that puts its fingers around your neck and asks you which of your limbs you’re willing to part with.
(Disclaimer: The designer is an old friend, and I was one of the playtesters. But I’m not an employee, and I’m not receiving any money or benefits in exchange for promoting it. I just like the game and want Robyn to succeed.)
1998 me: What is 2018 like?
2018 me: Let me show you something.
I was already sold and then the end had me dying. Quality content
au where the trojan war is a party menelaus throws to win back his girlfriend who left him for some douchebag and he ropes all his friends into helping him and wacky shenanigans happen and a running gag is that odysseus doesn’t even want to be there he’s got shit to do and at the end he gets stuck in traffic on the way home
#IM LAUGHIN #in the middle of it achilles throws a fit #”MAN IVE BEEN DJING FOR 3 HOURS YOU TOLD ME ID ONLY HAVE TO DO IT FOR LIKE AN HOUR” #”achilles cmon do menelaus a solid your djing is totally putting helen in the mood” #”FUCK YOU TOO AG” #he mopes upstairs to make out with his boyfriend #in the middle of a really quick’n’dirty handie someone bursts in the room all #”THIS IS AN EMERGENCY WE’RE OUT OF VODKA” #achilles is like FUCK OFF ASSHOLES I CANT PLAY BEER PONG BUT AS SOON AS YOU NEED SOMEONE TO GO ON A BOOZE RUN ITS ME. OF COURSE #patroclus is like ”well you are the fastest driver” ”I DONT CARE IM NOT GOING” #patroclus ”FINE then i’ll take your car dont be a baby” #5 minutes after patroclus is out the door achilles is like ”shit i fucked up” and catches a taxi to the liquor store #to meet up with patroclus #they drink the vodka and have sex in achilles’ car and forget all about the party
on the way home odysseus gets into a very minor fender bender that’s more like a fender bumper with some shit driver who is almost DEFINITELY high. and it’s all this guy’s fault but he won’t stop screaming about how he’s gonna fucking sue and odysseus just wants to go the fuck home and the guy goes “I’M FILING THE POLICE REPORT WHO ARE YOU” and odysseus is just so done that he says “nobody” and drives the fuck off and this completely tripping guy ends up screaming to the police at the side of the road at like three in the morning “NOBODY CRASHED INTO MY CAR!!!!!”
#I’M FUCKING SCREAMING #THIS WOULD BE SO GOOD THO #ODYSSEUS’ GF PENELOPE IS STUCK AT ANOTHER PARTY #GETTING HIT ON BY DOUCHES FROM ANOTHER FRAT #BUT ODYSSEUS HAS TO LIKE FIND A NEW CAR AND TRIES TO BORROW ONE FROM THIS CHICK WHO GIVES HIM SOME FUCKIN LACED POT OR SOMETHING BC HE FEELS LIKE HE’S BEEN THERE FOREVER #AND MEANWHILE PENELOPE HAS BEEN FORCED TO SAY THAT SHE’LL GO HOME WITH WHOEVER CAN BEAT HER AT BEERPONG #ONLY SHE’S FUCKIN LEGENDARY #SUCKS TO SUCK THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN BEAT HER IS ODYSSEUS #BUT HE HAS TO BE ON THE DL BC THIS FRAT HATES HIS GUTS #AND HE BEATS HER #AND SHE KNOWS IT’S HIM
This was wild from start to finish.
#the chilliad