Happy High Five Friday! Hope everyone has a great 2015!

GO BUCKEYES!!!!!!!!!!!

EFF ALABAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!

NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Go Buckeyes! Ohio State's QB trio. Cardale Jones, JR Barrett, Braxton Miller. Eff Alabama!

2014. Year in review

I've decided to make 2015 my bitch. Anyone wanting to join me is welcomed. 

In all reality, 2014 really wasn't that bad for me. I lost my cousin to cancer and got back on drugs, but besides that, it really wasn't that bad of a year.

There were lots of positives that happened this past year. It might not be my dream job, but I have my job. I have my family and friends. I had major surgery and I am happier and healthier than I have been in a very long time. 

I have lots of things to look forward to this upcoming year. My sobriety is a main one. I can't wait til this time next year and have a year clean under my belt. I am going to continue to lose weight. I am going to keep eating healthy and get my ass to the YMCA. I hope my family continues to be happy and healthy.

I am ready for a fresh start. 2014, you weren't that bad to me, but 2015, I am going to make you my bitch!

Happy New Years everyone. As corny as it sounds, I am grateful as all hell to have you guys around. You all mean a lot more to me than you think.

That is the amount of weight I have lost since November 11, after having Gastric Bypass surgery.

That's almost 10 pounds a week I have been losing. 

Pretty happy with myself. I still got a lot more to lose, but it's just a matter of time. I joined the YMCA and will be working out to hopefully get fit and lose even more weight. I will be shaking pussy away from me with a stick if I keep at this rate. 

Today is a good day. I am happy!

I feel gross

Not because I haven't showered in a few days, but because I ate 'fast food' just before.

I had 3/4ths of a junior roast beef sandwich from Arby's. It was delicious, but I seriously feel gross and sick to my stomach. I don't want to fall back in the pattern of eating fast food. 

I mean, I am craving drugs right now. So instead of doing drugs I went to my old crutch of eating food. Granted i've lost 65lbs, but I want to lose another 60.

I need to stop going to the food or drugs anytime I have feelings. I joined the YMCA and should've went and worked out instead of eating.

Oh well. There is always tomorrow.

Happy High Five Friday! I hope everyone has a great Friday and a great weekend.

And just like that...

Christmas is over!

I hope everyone had a great day today!

Ugh

So I have been struggling for quite some time. Just saw my therapist where I showed up coked up out of my mind. You know that isn't a good sign.

We have been talking about rehab for the past couples weeks now and how he wants to see if I can quit drugs on my own or if I should attend outpatient rehab.

I made it 8 days totally clean. Then I dropped the ball. Went back to the opiates. Then I tried to stop the opiates and I picked up cocaine, something I haven't done in 5 years. 

Now I'm all strung out left and right, just in time for the holiday's.

So I decided to go to outpatient rehab. I am going to get an assessment on Monday and go from there. This is going to suck, but it's what's best for me. Wish me luck guys, because I really could use it. 

It's never a good thing when I'm inactive from tumblr for awhile. I'm trying to stay outta trouble, but it's tough. Bengals vs. Broncos tonight. Pretty pumped up about this game, but I have a feeling my Bengals are going to get their ass kicked. Christmas shopping has been done for awhile now. All I do is buy presents for my niece and nephews. Thank goodness I got a mom that shops for me and I just give her money. Not a huge fan of Christmas. I get lonely during the holiday. I did ask this chick out on a date and we will probably go out after Christmas is over. It was nerve wracking asking her out. I will try to post more and stay outta trouble.

Happy High Five Friday!!! I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Numbers

8 days sober

60 pounds lighter

I am feeling good...if it were only spring or summer though.

Eff the Cleveland Clowns and Johnny Manziel. Go Bengals! WHO DEY!

Happy High Five Friday! I hope that you have a great day today!

Where to begin?

I have a lot of free time on my hands. Due to my surgery, I will be off til the beginning of January. I had my surgery to help save my life or to extend my life and to make me happier. 

Well the bitch is I am still destroying my life. I am still abusing the shit out of opiates. Hindsight it's scary how much I use on a daily basis. I was in a lot of pain from my surgery because my tolerance was so high, the pain meds didn't do much.

I am trying to change my life. I know I have said this before, but I really want to. I am two days clean and going through terrible withdrawals. I have slept about 15 hours today, fortunately. 

I had this surgery to make my life healthier. I want to be clean to be healthier. I just hope I can turn two days into three days and so on. I remember when I had 4 years under my belt, it was easy. Why is it so hard to quit? I fucking hate the way my life is right now.

In one way i am happier physically do to my surgery, but I am totally unhappy do to being addicted to drugs. I am debating on just battling this myself or going to an outpatient program. Inpatient is not an option. I just hope I get the help I need, because fuck this shit. I hate the life I am living. It's time to quit dope and become happier. 

My Life

I am off work until the beginning of January. I will be off a total of 8 weeks for my Gastric Bypass surgery.

My life consists of; eating every few hours, charting it, taking my blood sugar and charting it, make sure I take my vitamins, medicine and making sure I eat the proper food.

I am serious when I say my life revolves around this surgery. So I am going to be writing about my life and gastric surgery. I don't have much else to discuss.

I am frustrated though. I have been at 299lbs for the past 5 days. I have lost a total of 44 lbs, but for whatever reason I can't lose weight. I have become obsessive about stepping on the scale. I walk past my scale at least 10 times a day and probably weigh myself 7-10 times.

I am feeling so much healthier physically and mentally. It's odd, I CAN'T WAIT to exercise. I have 2.5 weeks left. I am going to join the YMCA and not a gym, just because the Y has a swimming pool and it's easier on my entire body. I don't even know who I am anymore. 

Thanks everyone for your support in my replies, text messages, kiks amd PM's, they have been wonderful and encouraging. 

Happy High Five Friday Hope you all have a great weekend!