hmmm

“Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?”

Soft rocks… http://srsfunny.tumblr.com/

can you imagine though

you send your enemies a rather large amount of these in various sizes. you leave no return address or explanation. they open all the boxes to discover these wondrous pillows. they are reluctant to keep them but eventually they give in and integrate them into their home like the above pictures. after a few weeks or even months, theyve gotten accustomed to having them in their home and routinely relax in a large pile of the odd pillows. until one night you just take every single one back and replace them with actual rocks of the same dimensions so that when its time for them to relax and unwind from their day day fall into a pile of hard unmoving boulders. they break their spine and are paralyzed. you have won

What the fuck is wrong with you…

use my generator and find out your sexy monstersona, babes

i already been knew

i do have a sexy ass..

Sounds Homestucky.

This is just a discription of me

Oh come one!

Um. Nice.

group chat

monday afternoon baby we gettin it!!!!!

Every day I become more and more sure that we’re in the cursed timeline

rung out a cute little old lady dressed in a bright orange raincoat and a hat with flowers all over it and when I told her to have a nice day she said she was going to walk her dogs before it rained so I said it’s cool enough out to do that have fun! and she said you know what? it’s a gloomy day but I’ll make it shine and I’m like

have y’all seen pics of cosplayers being arrested because

it is simultaneously

the best and worst thing

I have ever

fuckIN G seEN

likE WHAT DID THEY DO

TO GET ARRESTED???

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE TELL ME

pleasE I NEED CONTEXT

HSNJDJDJSJSJSJ

phil collins didn’t have to go so hard on the tarzan soundtrack but he did that…… he did that for all of us

spelling bee contest

announcer: spell the word "THICK”

contestant: “THICK”

 “T - H - I - C - C”  “THICC”

NAME A WOMAN

big mood

the reason i don’t go to the doctor anymore is because i went once and the medical intern was super young and super hot so naturally i got nervous, and when he measured my heart rate he said ‘hmm it’s…faster than average’ and then he smirked. cos he knew. cos i’m not subtle. cos i’m a dumb motherfucker. anyway imagine your OTP

anyone else fucking LOVE BEING IN BED???

bitch im in bed right now!! how did you know!!

I was just trying to get a video of her moving bc it looked cool but then she did That and I melted.

this shit feel like it happened 20 years ago

my bf has many interesting stories and observations from his new job as a 911 operator

my favorite is how meandering people are, even in the midst of a terrible emergency

they respond to “what is the emergency” with “well, the thing is, four weeks ago–”

and then he’s like “WHAT IS THE EMERGENCY RIGHT NOW”

and they’re like “so what happened this morning was, i said to my wife, i said–”

“WHAT IS CURRENTLY HAPPENING AT THIS MOMENT”

“oh i’m having a heart attack”

my second favorite is how specific he has to get sometimes

like, “what is your emergency?”

“i’m sitting in a pool of blood.”

“… is it… your blood?”

“yes i think so”

“do you know where it’s coming from?”

“probably the stab wound”

“have you been stabbed?”

“oh yah definitely”

In all fairness shock is a hell of a drug