I am both riding a cloud of relief and nursing a tension headache

If you’ve read any of my posts from this school year you’d know it’s been a rough one community wise, especially surrounding my district’s equity plan. I’m on the diversity team and it’s been a long road of wheel spinning and getting shut down left and right. There are a faction of people in my community that don’t know what they don’t know, don’t even realize there’s a problem, and are averse to feeling uncomfortable. We have an up to 35ish percent achievement gap between students of color and white students. That’s never going to be okay.

Our district hired a superintendent of equity and diversity this year and she is amazing. People have tried to sink her, but she is unstoppable. She quotes JFK with “A rising tide lifts all boats.” We, the believers, start to take action little by little and eventually others are swept in.

Anyway, the school board meeting with the official vote on the equity plan was tonight. It was standing room only. During public comment there were about 17 supporters, 1 somewhat uninformed individual, and 1 dissenter. The dissenter tried to say there were more people that disagreed but they had other things to do tonight, like coach their kids sports or lead their scout troops. A lot of parents of color showed up to this meeting. They didn’t have other things to do tonight? His comment only served to underscore why our community needs this so desperately.

A high school friend’s parents were there. They had no idea why I was there and even asked me as much. I said I was there to represent the counseling department and the diversity team. They started talking about “this plan” and sincerely looked like they thought I’d agree with them. “But there’s just some of this we can’t fix. What about the kids whose parents don’t read to them?” I explained I thought there is more to it than that. My friend’s mom physically took a step back from me. When our equity superintendent gave her speech about the plan the audience was rapt. She said at the end that some members of the planning team were in attendance and asked them to stand. She pointed to my colleague and I, and we stood. I couldn’t see my old friend’s parent’s faces, but I bet I know what they looked like.

TL;DR every. single. board member. unanimously passed our plan tonight. Lots of work ahead, but a major initial roadblock fell tonight. I am elated.

Just started Gretchen Rubin’s “Happy at Home.” It’s a follow up to her earlier book “The Happiness Project” that I tried to read in an earlier phase of my life, but it didn’t really click back then.

The page is dark because I’m crouched reading outside of my kid’s room until she goes to sleep, but read that first paragraph. I have felt this. Homesick at home. For what? This has happened in almost every phase of my life. As a child I’d be homesick for my own house when my grandmas babysat me. At my house I’d miss my grandmas. It’s also happened in every home I’ve ever owned or rented. My super cheap, first marriage farm house. My newly single, city apartment. My first house I bought all on my own. Then I was homesick for my house when I moved in with my husband. I love our family home, I am just so overwhelmed by work, the toddler, the geriatric dog, and the fact that one or all of us have been sick for the past month. This house feels constantly cluttered and even though I sort and donate, and do that over again, and try not to bring much of anything else in, it’s just not easy to keep put together. It is grinding on all of us.

So what am I homesick for? A clean, dream home? My old haunts that will never be the same again? Childhood? Who knows.

Caught a stomach bug tonight. I think the worst of it is behind me now🤞🏽. I’ve been sipping water next to the bed. When I finally dozed I just had this glorious dream I was at my grandparents farm, that has the best drinking water ever. I was standing in the kitchen drinking solo cup after solo cup of that awesome water with chipped ice, just chugging it. They were both alive and nothing was falling apart.

Aren’t our brains and bodies weird when they need something?

Omg, was I the gym weirdo today?

I got done with this meeting, and while a lot of it was good, it just seems that anything we try to do regarding diversity or equity education in our district gets pushed off, complained about, or shut down.

A colleague of color who presented to our group before got such yucky commentary (from counselors, you guys) that she swore she’d never do it again. Guess who’s facilitating in March? Both of us.

Anyway, I was flustered and hungry and my stomach felt weird, so I almost skipped the gym. I knew it was exactly what I needed so I forced myself to go. My friend had an emergency at her school, and when it was over she called me to debrief. I had my headphones in, and so did everyone around me, not to mention there was at least three machines between me and the next closest person. See me trying to backpedal here?

I talked to her as quietly as I could through my headphone mic. I was just so fired up! I didn’t use any identifiers and kept it pretty vague. Still trying to excuse myself, see?

I think I was the gym weirdo today. I was, wasn’t I? Put Lady Talksalot right up there with Old Man Squeaky and Broseph Smith. THE WORST. Who have I become?

We have a “cold day” from school today. I’m kind of meh about it. This is our fifth unexpected day off this year. This girl is real, real happy about extra snug time though.

The racism continues

I’m almost ashamed to be connected with my town right now. Talk about a modern day lynch mob. I know there are many of us who disagree with the hateful rhetoric being spread. It went so far today as someone digging into one of our district leader’s contacts to find a slightly unsavory photo of him. Nothing illegal, sexist or hateful. Just a slightly inappropriate action.

Is it too much to wish for one more snow day tomorrow and just stay safe in my blankets?

Football snack tray 🏈 GO CHIEFS!

From “The Little Paris Bookshop: A Novel” by Nina George