thottoman empire

The Ottoman Empire has been dead for 100 slutty, slutty years

Gemina reread!

Okay so it’s August and so its time to reread Gemina! I’m planning on doing the same type of thread thing I did before for Illuminae, so if you didn’t like that or have suggestions of something else I could do while rereading let me know! Also remember to use #illuminae reread or tag @illuminaetme or I in any posts you do for the reread!

SO EXCITED TO HE REREADING GEMINA, LETS GOOOOOOOOO

Time lapse photo of hundreds of sunsets

This may be the best photo in existence

Somebody resurrect Vincent Van Gogh and show him this shit

GOD 

DAMN

B  E  A  U  T  I  F  U  L

@darechub

This is by the photographer Matt Malloy. You should check out the rest of them. They’re gorgeous. 

Hey! This is a family show!

2016 in a nutshell

You’re in charge of assigning every child on Earth the monster under their bed. One child in particular has caused every monster assigned to him/her to quit. You decide to assign yourself.

Case: #273402 Status: Disastrous.

I stare at the file and realize I have no options, over the last 2 years every monster assigned to Charlotte Dower has quit, every last one. Her first monster; a giant goldfish-faced humanoid named Bubba, had been with her for four years, and then she wasn’t scared of him anymore. After that it was a string of different common, uncommon, and rare monsters… I even assigned a sentient sock monster to her. He came back crying! I look on my tablet, only one assignable monster left; myself. Field work has never been my cup of tea, but desperate times call for desperate measures. So at 8:03 pm, after Mrs. Gideon tucks in Charlotte and her little brother Daniel; I slither into the space beneath Charlotte’s bed. Across the room underneath Daniel’s crib is a rookie, Chico, a standard Creep kind of monster. I turn my attention to the bed above me, Charlotte is still awake but barely, I reach up over the bed and run an ice cold finger over her cheek, silence, so I do it again. “I’m not afraid of you monster!” She whispers, but her voice is shaking. I can see a small clock on the wall 8:14, a door somewhere in the house slams and there is an audible hitch of breath from above me. A few minutes go by I can hear Francis Gideon yelling at his wife. There are heavy footsteps on the stairs, and loud panting breaths, Charlotte scrambles off the bed and… She. CRAWLS. Under. The. Bed. With. Me. “Move. Over!” Charlotte hisses at me. I do. The door to the bedroom slams open and I smell the stench of human intoxicants before the man even steps inside. I know why Charlotte isn’t afraid of any of my monsters; she’s afraid of her own. Francis reaches a hand under the bed and I thrust my wrist into it, he starts to pull, I slither out. “What the…” I cut Francis’s next words off by unfolding to my full 12 foot height. Looming over the drunken man I caress my cold fingers down his face. “If you ever touch, scare, or harm my child again, I will find you, and I will do the same to you, for all eternity.” I promise to him. As Francis runs from the room he soils himself. I pull Charlotte from under the bed, tuck her back under her covers and kiss her forehead goodnight. “I’ll be back tomorrow night, sleep well darling.” Charlotte Dower is my child, I am the monster under her bed.

WELL GODAMN, WE HAVE OURSELVES A WINNER

Holy shit I’m gonna cry that’s beautiful.

Irish dance is literally one of the best things that's ever happened to me

Fun game

Replace all the words “sir” and “son” in Hamilton with “bitch”

“CALL ME BITCH ONE MORE TIME”

If you can marry a sister, you’re rich, bitch.

Okay now im howling and crying laughing so hard

Come back home when you’re done. Take my guns, be smart. Make me proud bitch. 

“Bitch-” “I’m not your bitch”

Aaron Burr, bitch?

Pardon me, are you Aaron Burr, bitch? That depends… whose asking? Oh sure, bitch.

“Hamilton-” “bITCH” “…have Lafayette take the lead.” [muttering] “Yes, bitch.”

Gotta start a new nation Gotta meet my bitch

Stay alive reprise “WHERE IS MY BITCH?!”

Hamilton: Oh Philip you outshine the morning sun, my bitch

Your Bitch is nine years old today

Secretary Jefferson, you have the floor, bitch.

“What do you need, bitch? Bitch?” “I wanna give you a word of warning” “Bitch, I don’t know what you heard, but whatever it is, Jefferson started it”

I knew she had a degree but didn’t know she was the most educated First Lady.

this needs to be on everyone’s dash…

Michelle was actually Baracks political advisor that’s how they met, I personally believe she should’ve been president herself

Michelle Obama 2020

An example of someone acknowledging their white privilege and using it to help. #Love it!

Fucking dope

Tips That Can Save Your Kid’s Life.

No joke, this isn’t even just for unsafe situations. Have a code word for when your child just wants to come home but doesn’t want to be the “lame” friend who leaves early. That way you can make up an excuse to use.

IMPORTANT

me? overreacting? probably 

How tf California in a dtougbt

There’s water to the left of y'all Like Go get it. It’s always been there.

you know how hard it is to take saltwater and make it drinkable? Not that simple

Why ont you start with removing the salt from ya attitude

Katie Ledecky after winning the 800m freestyle by more than 11 seconds (via stillababyhorse)