😂 [@extrafabulouscomics]

Things I’ve always wondered

speaking with my minimal scholarly experience but also opening this up for all jews to contribute:

1. i don’t see any reason why such a promising torah scholar shouldn’t be allowed to continue to study torah, but practicing judaism would be difficult: blood of all animals is probably treyf, and blood of humans is definitely treyf, so a jewish vampire would have to break mitzvot on a nearly constant basis to survive. however under pikuach nefesh i feel like were the vampire literally about to die, they could consume human or animal blood. therefore a jewish vampire would have to live in a state of starvation at all times, which would probably have a fascinating impact on his torah study.

2. a shoteh is not held responsible for their actions by human or divine courts. maimonides defines a shoteh as any mentally unstable person - for our purposes, a jewish werewolf in wolf form can probably be seen as under the influence of mental instability, and is not responsible for their actions under the law.

3. this is fascinating because when we face jerusalem in america, we face east - even though, physically speaking, jerusalem is somewhere under us, on the other side of the globe. for this reason i’m inclined to avoid the obvious answer, “face earth”. perhaps it would be possible to face, in general, the stars? going by “earth time” seems logistically impossible, since earth has 24 separate times. i think this will be a separate issue for every planet.

4. we are already a reptilian alien race, this question is moot.

5. if robots cannot convert to judaism i am quitting. more seriously: this seems like a good place for the analogy of the four children: the simple robot asks, “what is all this”, i.e., judaism, and you download information about it into his database; the wicked robot asks, “what does all this mean to you,” i.e., humans, and you reply, “we are doing a human thing; if you were a human, you would not be part of it, either”; the wise robot asks, “can you please explain the laws and customs of judaism to me, fellow sentients” and you do so and allow him to convert if he wishes it; and the robot who does not know enough to ask a question does not pass the turing test, so the point is moot.

6. oh yeah, we’d totally still be jews! it’s like finding out for sure there’s no god - maybe it’s gonna stop some people from practicing judaism, but not most of us.

@jewishrey this is relevant to your interests i believe

In re question #3, we have developed an app that calculates the relative location of Yerushalayim for all zmanim for our residents depending on their location. Occasionally this results in prayer being conducted facing downward or upward. Zmanim are determined by LST (local Saturn time).

I thought these were pretty cool.

Here’s the orbital period of our solar system’s 8 major planets (how long it takes each to travel around the sun). Their size is to scale and their speed is accurate relative to Earth’s. The repetition of each GIF is proportional to their orbital period. Mercury takes less than 3 months to zoom around Sol, Neptune takes nearly 165 years.  

fuck this gifset do you know how long i sat here waiting for fucking neptune to drag its lazy ass into the frame

Birthdays on Saturn are tricky. Also, it was pretty tough working out a lunar calendar with 62 moons.

The Chart of Cosmic Exploration Elegantly Details 56 Years of Human Adventures into Space

Where's the @zionistgenerationship

Saturn Outpost Established

It was recently brought to our attention that Saturn had yet to be colonized despite wild antisemitic conspiracy theories to the contrary. So, several of us took a few passenger pods and supplies from the generation ship and here we are. Initial observations:

1. Saturn kind of sucks 2. It’s really cold here 3. Like, REALLY cold 4. We may not have thought this one through all the way

Anyway, we’re here so we’re going to try and make the best of things.

One thing we’re lacking is a flag to raise over our new territory. Has no one gotten around to designing a flag for the Eternal Diaspora yet?? Someone should. It’ll probably end up being us, honestly, because there is. like. Not a whole lot to do here.

@zionistmooncolony @zionistvenusiancolony @zionisteuropakibbutz @zionistgenerationship @zionistmartiancolony

You look hungry, why don’t you come over for a nosh?

And put a sweater on, I’m getting cold just from looking at you.

We’ll be right over. SOMEONE thought it would be a good idea to not bring any provisions except doughnuts.

THEY’RE CALLED SUFGANIYOT AND THEY ARE DELICIOUS

I’m reading that numbered list, and … I feel like some of our ancestors have probably had these exact observations, replacing “Saturn” with “Russia”.

Jewish horror story in seven words: “I can see…Russia…from my house…”

That ends poorly no matter the context.

In a choice between Russia and the other side of the asteroid belt, I feel confident that my deceased grandparents would have chosen space travel, on the sound logic that there are no cossacks in space.

And fewer buildings to burn during a pogrom.

What is the Saturnian equivalent of “Margolis”? Whatever it is, it probably would’ve ended up as my maiden name, seeing as when my great-grandfather fled Russia for the US, he Anglicized the name, thus providing future generations with “Pearlman.”

The Saturnian equivalent of Margolis is Marglorp. “Lorp” is the most common Saturnian suffix. Our three founding families thought it “sounded spacey” and dropped their own surname suffixes to become Steinblorps, Malklorps, and Gellorps. The second most common suffix among Saturnian Jewish families is -gerk. One of our most prominent families are the Hirschgerks. In fact, young Dov Hirschgerk is preparing for his bar mitzvah this coming Shabbat.

Greetings from the Minister of Education! 

I am currently working on a framework for pre-college schooling and am open to suggestions for what everyone thinks is important to be covered and when. I also wanted to reach out to @zionistmooncolony @zionisteuropakibbutz @zionistsaturnoutpost @zionistgenerationship (did I get you all?) Do we want a cross colony curriculum? Or at least something to make it easy in case there is moving between colonies while a child is still in school? I will leave a question mark on the post so you can send replies here, our ask box or contact me on my main blog mythicalmagistra. 

?

We at the Saturn Outpost support a cross-colony curriculum, with colony-specific history courses. So for example, a yearlong course in general Jewish history, a diaspora history course, then a course on the history of the Celestial Zionist Union followed by semester-long courses on the history of each colony. We think that starting with a broader focus and then narrowing the scope would be an ideal way of helping students to understand historical events in a wider context.

We also support the idea of a mandatory exchange program to promote intercolony understanding. So by the time a student reaches graduation, he or she will be required to have completed a minimum of one semester of study on another colony while living with a host family.

Am yisrael chai bechalal, ZSO

Now hosting the Jewish Baking Cartel

Bring your favorite challah recipes!

@zionistsaturnoutpost

@zionistmartiancolony

@zionistvenusiancolony

@zionisteuropakibbutz

@zionistgenerationship

short blurb descriptions for everyone.

–Administrator

Embassies

If the other Zionist Space Colonies make Embassies I will gladly include them on a page on the Zionist Moon Colony Embassy Site. @zionistvenusiancolony @zionisteuropakibbutz @zionistsaturnoutpost @zionistgenerationship @zionistmartiancolony

Welcome!

This is the Embassy of the @zionistmooncolony. Other Zionist Space Colonies looking to communicate with @zionistmooncolony through the means of diplomacy should contact the Embassy through the ask box. The Embassy of the Zionist Moon Colony would of course like to know if there are any other Embassies it should be following and keeping contact with. Todah Rabah. 

She could be my assistant or something. I will think through it!

-voeu, defense minister 

Someone ought to screenshot this and post it to Twitter and tag Carrie Fischer.

We at the Outpost request occasional visits.

Artist Rendition of Saturns moon Titan

js

Accurate.