Allen had just returned to the bar from refilling Azael and Charolette’s drinks when his phone vibrated on the counter.  Tapping on it nonchalantly, Allen sent a response to Lenalee.  

The backdoor is unlocked if you want to come in but… Alright… how do we do this because no matter which way I play it out in my head, it ends poorly for everyone involved. I don’t want to hurt Lavi. I mean, there isn’t a way this won’t hurt him, but if we can reduce how much it hurts him that would be ideal.

Allen paused for a moment, thinking, then sent another text.

The way I see it, either we let Lavi walk in here and see everything point blank or you meet him out front and warn him ahead of time. Honestly, I don’t know which option is better.

“Oh, um…” Lenalee stalled for a moment, not shocked at Allen speaking up but more at a loss for what exactly to call Lavi’s music.

“My point exactly,” Kanda said, earning another light hit to his side.

“Lavi’s pretty amazing; he can work in any genre and it sounds good. He can also play a few instruments himself, which is cool, but… overall… I don’t know. It’s hard to express with words. I guess… kind of nostalgic, maybe?  Like, it makes you think of days past or how the years have gone by.  Right now he’s in a kind of synthwave mood, I think.” Lenalee hated how unsure she sounded; it just made Kanda’s points even more glaring.

“Oh, but last year,” A soft, warm smile fell onto Lenalee’s lips as she spoke, “he made me an album for my birthday that I can only describe as the perfect summer album. It was so fun and alive. I kind of wish he would do more like that, but don’t tell him I said that. I like what he’s doing now too.”

“And I’ll get a fruit tea,” Allen chimed in, his smile and over all demeanor so different from Lavi’s that the barista nearly had to do a double take. “And I’m paying, so don’t let him. And you,” he said, pointing his wallet at Lavi’s chest, “no protesting or complaining. It’s the least I could do for the best friend of a friend. Also consider it a belated welcome to the neighborhood present.”

“It was a selfish act, really. I wanted to, no, I needed to know everything about you that everyone else did. I felt like there were years between us that I needed to catch up on.”  They were close now. Very close. If it weren’t for The Collection sitting between them, Allen would be in Lavi’s lap by now. He could  feel Lavi’s breath on his face. “I was missing you before I even knew you.”

Allen flashed Lavi a glance that fell somewhere between suggestive and annoyed. “Yes, but only because I can’t get this off by myself.  Be gentle with… it as well.” Allen turned around quickly in an attempt to hide the flush that came to his cheeks from almost asking Lavi be gentle with me.

Allen wanted to say more, to say that he needed to mention that Lavi was so nice, so kind, such a good person it made his mind spin and his heart bleed – but he didn’t. He simply gave Lavi a soft smile and said thank you again before turning and heading out of the apartment. Lavi probably took the thank you as a  response to his final statement, which it was, but it was also a response to Lavi in general. Allen could never thank him enough.

Allen hated waking up. Waking up was supposed to feel good.  It was supposed to be refreshing, soothing, the start of a new day. When Allen woke up he still felt tired. Exhausted. There was a heaviness in his eyelids and a weight in his chest that wanted him to go back to sleep. Too bad the light shining though the window blinds wouldn’t let him.  

Allen blinked twice but didn’t move more than that. He used to toss and turn in the morning, if he didn’t have to get up early, and search for Lavi. When he found him, he’d pull himself close and enjoy simply being with Lavi. Now it was different. Now he was good at waking up quietly, moving silently, and not  waking his bedmate as he went about his morning preparations. Even with the sun seeming too bright and his head pulsing something fierce, Allen could stay quiet. And he did as he slid out of the bed and headed to the bathroom, eager to splash water on his face to wake up and even eagerer to head to the kitchen for a glass of water.  

At least that was plan until his roaming eyes found the glass on his bedside table. Lavi must have left it there, considering Allen didn’t remember it before crashing. It’s funny how one small action can change things. Allen didn’t head to the bathroom. Or the kitchen. He quietly sank down to the floor, with his back against the bed and his shoulder on the dresser and his head on his folded knees.  

“That’s probably for the best.  I don’t want a distracted driver.  I also I don’t want you to be flushed the entire night,” Allen commented, sliding into the car and buckling in with a swift motion. That comment was an accident. Allen really did intend on not teasing Lavi tonight. It was just really hard to not tease him when everything set him off so easily.

“I know, I do too.  Seriously, what the holy fuck?  Lavi is one of the nicest people I know and I know a lot of people!” Allen’s voice must have spiked just a little too much because Azael glanced his way.  Allen, almost frighteningly quickly, laughed and put on the full flush of a smile.  “Alright, alright, apology accepted.  Just text me next time, no need to call me like it’s some emergency.  I trust you’ll get things sorted on your end and I’ll see you soon?  Oh, and I was able to clean up the piano from the other night, so it’s ready for you.”  

The last comment seemed to quell Azael’s nerves and make him think Allen was only talking to Neah.  He just hoped Lenalee would catch on, hang up, and call Lavi without him saying anything to make  Azael flee the scene.  This was… cruel… all things considered, but it kind of seemed needed.  Lavi loved Azael a lot.  He wouldn’t just take their word that Azael was cheating.

“And there he goes,” Lenalee chimed, mockingly saluting Lavi’s back as he filtered through the growing crowd.

“Look at him.  His set’s a mess and he knows it.”  

Kanda’s comment caused Lenalee’s hand to shoot out and smack him in the stomach.  Not aggressively, but subtly, like a reminder not to say things like that.  Her stern wide-eyed gaze echoed her silent comment.

“You heard him last time.”  

That was true and Lenalee thought it was a fine set.  She’d told Lavi as much but he only gave her a tired smile and mumbled that something was missing.  

“I think his music is great!”

“It’s not about it being great, it’s about everything sounding right together.”

“I tend not to be much of a coffee person.  I really like tea though, so I’ll give it a try.  Thanks.”  Allen smiled.  Really smiled.  Bright and bold.  He didn’t want to seem like he was trying too hard but he also could practically see the walls Lavi built up around himself.  A little pressure was probably needed.  

“You’re fairly new here right?  I think that’s what Lenalee mentioned to me way back.  She told me a very dear friend of hers from her ‘youth and glory days,” Allen made quotes with his fingers to signify he was using Lenalee’s own expression, “was moving to the city.”

“Well it’s certainly true but I’ll have to be careful not to let it get to your ego too much. I’ve seen everything you’ve ever posted, I know you do have one.”  Allen grinned, not even caring that he admitted to binging all of Lavi’s content in the months following his discovery that Lavi was his soulmate.  It didn’t matter, Lavi wouldn’t care.  Lavi was perfect like that.  Allen took Lavi’s extended hand with ease but it was more than just his hand that was beckoning to Allen; everything about Lavi was drawing him in.

“Yes, shockingly convenient really.  Almost like we were planning something like this for years but, like, subconsciously,” Allen whispered in reply, walking softly but without much caution.  Allen always knew when someone in the house was  awake and right now it felt like no one was.  No one but him and Lavi and hopefully they wouldn’t be awake for much longer.  Allen couldn’t wait to fall asleep in Lavi’s arms.  It sounded like heaven.

“Yeah, thank you.”  It took all of Allen’s effort to not practically sigh in relief at Lavi’s kindness knowing no bounds.  He almost seemed too nice.  It almost made Allen wonder what the catch was but he stopped himself from disgracing his neighbor’s good nature with his idle speculation. “I, um, appreciate everything you’ve done for me.”

There was so much Allen wanted to say. So much he wished he could put into words.  So much that lapped at him like waves, wearing him down, down, down.  Doing so much didn’t mean anything when there was no sense of direction, no end goal in sight, no master plan to it all.  Allen was lost.  Completely lost.  Everything was falling away, falling apart, crumbling to dust and getting scattered in the wind.  Allen didn’t know what to do – what he should do or what he wanted to do.

Lavi’s hands touched his face and Allen raised his eyes, fighting through the murk that had been clouding his visions for months.  Lavi looked sad.  And worried.  And kind of frantic.  Allen wondered if this made Lavi want to light up to escape it, like Allen sought escape in running, cleaning, and late night showers.  It wouldn’t surprised him, if he caused Lavi to relapse.  It made sense.  It would prove that they weren’t right for each other, that they couldn’t be together any more.  Not with Allen lying in pieces on the floor, disconnected from the world, lost in himself yet somehow not himself; not with Lavi surrounded with smoke, lost in a dream and at risk of falling deeper and deeper.  But Lavi was changing.  Allen was the one who couldn’t fix himself.  Allen was the one holding them back.

Nothing was in focus.  Allen brought his hands up to Lavi’s, gently running his fingers over the back of Lavi’s knuckles.  

“I’m sorry.”  Allen whispered the words unconsciously and fell back onto the bed, spreading his arms wide on the bed at first then moving them closer to his head, his chest, curling in on himself, his heart burning burning burning away behind his ribcage.  It hurt.  “No, I don’t need anything.”

“Bold of you to assume that we’ll be sleeping tonight,” Allen said, stepping into the car and pausing half way.  “Wait, no, not like that.  I’m just saying that I’ll probably be too excited to sleep, not whatever it sounded like I was implying, which was nothing, I wasn’t implying anything.  Stop looking at me like that.”

“Yes, of course, but Lenalee, keep it down.”  Allen glanced to the corner of the bar and let out a sigh of relief to see that neither of  them had caught on.  “Azael’s pretty on edge, but the girl, I don’t think she has any idea.  I kind of feel bad for her.  But Azael, no way, he deserves to choke.  I cannot believe he would do this to Lavi.  But… doesn’t it make sense?  Or rather, doesn’t it make things make sense?  He’s seemed so distant lately.  I mean, the last few times he’s been here with Lavi, didn’t he seem a little withdrawn to you?”