If he drops my name then I owe him nothing

And if he spends my change then he had it coming

I really want a movie where there’s this Dark Brooding Male Hero who’s like, a total badass, and during all the fight scenes he keeps getting flashbacks to happy images of his wife, and like his whole narrative is framed around his wife, and all the other heroes on his team know that he’s got this passion and vengeance and think it all has to do with his dead wife… but then near the end of the movie his wife shows up and he’s like “hey babe” they’re all shocked and they’re like, “Wait I thought all your power and passion came from avenging your dead wife?” and he’s like “no bro, I just really love my wife, she’s really cool, she’s what keeps me going” like… a reverse fridge

Unfridge your wives 2017

Unfridge your wives 2018

“This whole saving the world thing has kept me from seeing my wife for like, three days and I was really starting to miss her!”

It turns out he’s normally a ray of sunshine and is only Dark Brooding Male Hero mode when he misses her. 

jk rowling’s at it again

Shakespeare, but every instance of “alas” has been replaced with “aw shit”

 “Aw shit, poor Yorick!”

-Hamlet, Act 5 Scene 1

“Aw shit, that love, so gentle in his view,

Should be so tyrannous and rough in proof!“

-Romeo & Juliet, Act 1 Scene 1

“O, no! Aw shit, I rather hate myself

For hateful deeds committed by myself.”

-Richard III, Act 5 Scene 3

“Aw shit, poor country, almost afraid to know itself! It cannot be called our mother, but our grave.”

Macbeth, Act 4 Scene 3

date a girl who says “fight me” to everything, including inanimate objects

TRAMAMPOLINE TRAMBOPOLINE

tony, calling at 3am: but can you stick to a non-stick pan

peter: mr stark 🅱️lease let me rest

peter: *sprinting to the kitchen as soon as he hangs up*

It’s CANON.

I just found the funniest fucking thingGGGGG it’s a website where you make fake simpsons synopsises and compile screenshots from the show that fit the plot, which is simple enough but this is the first one I found

he just fucking murders homer gay rights

When you reach That Point after hours of socializing

Hahahahahahaha oh my god

they just. straight up showed batmans dick in a recent comic. uncensored 

NSFW obviously but here it is 

what the fuck

Classic Stan Lee!