More mermaids! Two more of @badtusk‘s wonderful gals plus a slightly updated one from before. Its so late, why am I doing this. 

You’re all beautiful. 

Chrys Watches Got [x] / requests for individuals [x]

Driving directions in Europe, 1922.

Mixed? MIXED???????

do NOT offer me a big spoon if you see me with a small one. i know what im fuckin doing

can i offer a smaller spoon?

absolutely! finally, someone with some sense around here

Pro Tips on how to Dungeon Master with Travis Willingham

astrology says my pussy is tight

imagine being the first amish bitch in your village to like get your body done like ass shots titties done and like beat face contoured… and then you walked into like the saloon or whatever amish people have and everyone dropped their irish fiddles and was shookedt? like everyone churning butter was just in shock and you walked across the artisanal wood floors in your wantmylook.com thigh high lace up heeled boots like your life depended on it… yes god

my mans jedediah looks away in humility but you KNOW he’s churnin butter that night……milkin a different cow…..

Why y'all doing this when you know the Amish are not here to defend themselves.

the Amish can definitely defend themselves they got rakes

this is the best post on this website why do we all keep trying

so many men have no idea what to do when confronted with a woman who isn’t putting on a customer service personality

But so many women also don’t turn off their “customer service personality” for a guy when he wants to know the real them.

Maybe you should think about why you scare women.

Literally any other colour would’ve been a better choice guys.

I’d like to point out that the colour red has more positive than negative meanings.

im sorry but this reply absolutely killed me

red can mean whatever the heck you want it to mean, that is never going to change that this straight up looks like they DRAGGED A BLOODY BODY ACROSS THE FUCKING FLOOR 😂

Yeah I understand schroedingers law, that any closed box could contain either whatever is supposed to be in it, or a dead cat, which is why i don’t go into shoe stores,

actually when I was in 8th grade and obsessed with twilight my master plan as a twilight vampire was to sit around in famous shipwrecks like the super deep ones where they can only send robots with cameras from their submarines and when they sent one down i’d be sitting there, pretending to drink out of an old tea cup you know for the drama of it all and the guys in the submarine would know what they saw and that it was real footage but who else would believe them? no one important.

but it didn’t stop there. at the next party they threw to celebrate one of their latest finds, some museum-y banquet idk I was 13, I was going to show up. I was going to show up and make eye contact with them one at a time from across the room and they were going to lose their goddamn minds and then before the volturi could catch wind i was gonna be back in the ocean. how could they find me?

the drama. the theatrics. i can’t believe i didn’t realize i was gay right then but that’s another story, also involving vampires,

hate to burst your fantasy, but

1) vampires don’t show up in film

2) vampires can’t cross moving water much less sit at the bottom of the ocean

you’ve got me a in a difficult position here because on the one hand, this post is specifically about vampire lore in Twilight, so you’re wrong, but on the other hand, saying “you clearly didn’t read twilight” doesn’t exactly make you look like the bad guy here

some more updog memes i drew

The thing I love about cats is that they’re basically born ready to throw down. There’s something strangely life-affirming about seeing a ball of fuzz that could fit in the palm of your hand with room to spare react to an unfamiliar creature literally a hundred times its size by going “I roll Intimidation”.

#the really life affirming part is that sometimes it works

Cats will immediately let something bigger than them and obviously much more intimidating know that they’re not to be fucked with and I frequently aspire to be like that.

bastard keeps sprinting to get ahead of me then walks really slow so i accidentally kick him and then meows all pathetically like i attacked him

This Cat Commits Insurance Fraud

I’m sorry, does your cat’s name tag say “hello my name is bastard”

okay but hear me out, demonic possession would be a really good diagnostic tool. Especially for illnesses like fibromyalgia that are hard to test for and have “subjective” symptoms (like, you can’t externally measure pain and fatigue, and someone who’s had it all their life won’t always know it’s not normal.) You just draw a nice pentagon, set up all the protective candles, and summon a demon into the patient’s body and ask them the sacred Questions Three, which are “okay Demon Todd how bad is it in there,” “where are the main places that hurt more than the last thirty humans you possessed” and “got any wisdom to share?” and then you give Todd a beer and politely excise him from this material plane and start drafting your new treatment plan. 

tell me more of your sorcery hospital. 

it’s actually a diagnostic clinic only because last time they tried an innovative treatment it blew a hole in the ceiling and all the streetlights on Market Street glowed green for two weeks and when that kind of thing happens people with clipboards and crucifixes start to show up and poke around in your cupboards and ask what all the pentagrams are for

Which plane of existence is your diagnostic clinic on? I would like to make an appointment. Do you accept medical records through file upload on a secure server, or am I going to have to spell everything out via ouija board?