uwuculture ihatestuartlittle ok so my thoughts are very jumbled sorry about that i hope all of this makes sense and if not u can ask me questions about stuff ill try to answer ok but i wanna say that im very sorry about all the stuff that happened. Im sorry for real this time. I dont expect anyone to forgive me actually, because i understand that hazel and marth were hurt really bad by the antisemetism and everything, but i still want to try to apologize and explain things.
First im sorry for that angry bullshit i left on my other blog. I didnt understand what was going on then. No one had told me that kenny had done anything and i still dont actually know what he did other than lie, but from what i understand its bad. And i hadnt been online to know what had happened because i was at school that day. I was also having some sort of episode? i dont really know what was going on, ive never felt that way before not to that extent. I felt very violent and everything was fast and i couldnt stop laughing and i really scared myself and i dont know what that was but it wasnt me. I know thats not an excuse for the things i said but thats part of the reason why i said them. I have a lot of mental stuff, and when it comes to things like trusting people and understanding things i feel like i have the knowledge of a child. When people are nice to me i tend to trust them completely its a problem im working on. Kenny was so nice to me, i thought he was a good person. All of my other friends were so nice to me too i thought they were good. When i was typing that most of my friends were telling me i was right, that i had the right to be angry and me typing that out was a good thing, i even let them read it before i posted it, they said it was a good idea and i wasnt in a good place so i couldnt think critically about anything at that point and i know that doesnt excuse what i did im not trying to blame others its my fault.
Yesterday it was explained to me why i was wrong. I genuinely didnt know about the iron cross, and for some reason i didnt make the conection in my head with hetalia and the bad things about it.The stuff i said before was true, i havent seen all of hetalia and i based most of my knowlege on what others (mostly kenny) had said about it. Im not blaming kenny for my actions btw i understand what i did was all me, but im trying to explain why i did things because i didnt do them just to be a bad person i did them because i didnt understand.
Another thing, i wasnt actually kin with germany or prussia or anyone else from hetalia. I relate to the way ppl treat canada in the show but thats about it. But at the time when i said i was kin with germany i really felt like i was, i had convinced myself i was, because i was very lonely and wanted friends, and i thought kenny was a good person then, and i knew that kenny and the others would like me if i was kin with a hetalia character and germany fit bc at the time i had some sort of crush on kenny and i knew he liked germany, so i told myself i was him and then i was. This doesnt make up for what i did and im still really sorry about it im so sorry i was antisemetic and imsorry i said i was kin with germany, at the time my brain just literally did not make the connections it should have between germany being a nazi and all the other bad things i really just dont know why i wish i had and from now on i will try to think more about the things i say i like before i go defending them. i think one of the reasons i didnt is because i got into the show when i was around 12 and i didnt have tumblr back then and when i got tumblr and got back into hetalia i didnt see stuff about hetalia on my dash other than stuff from friends, so i didnt see anything about it being bad like i did with other things i like like homestuck (which i do understand why its bad and why the creator is bad and everything im critical of homestuck). Also someone said that hetalia was a special interest of mine so i should have known, but thats not true, i dont think ive ever said hetalia was a special interest of mine, i dont actually know a lot about it ive never seen past episode 20 i think. But i understand now and im sorry. Im sorry i didnt listen to hazel and marth at first like i should have, though i didnt actually know what people were trying to tell me then, but i do now and im sorry it took me so long to understand. I feel like im forgetting something so if theres something else bad im forgetting please tell me so i can add it. Im so very sorry for what i said and did and for supporting kenny i just didnt know. I would actually like to see the callout post when its done so i know what all went on that i didnt know about. I came into the friend group a lot later than everyone else and i barely knew everyone so id like to know the bad stuff i missed. and like i said i understand what i did was bad now, and im very sorry i did it, and i dont expect anyone to forgive me because i did bad things, but know that i will try to be a better person and be more critical of the stuff i like and im so sorry i hope this apology is ok because you all deserve a good apology for what i did and im trying my best to give you that. again if u have any questions or ive forgotten something please tell me thank you for reading this.
