Fight me

hate it when I'm eating and my stomach starts growling

if you could wait a fuckin second man big changes are coming I promise

hiring a wizard to break whatever curse is holding henry kissingers shitty body together and laughing with childish glee as he instantly collapses into individual limbs like a lego character

OP can I get your wizard's number

sure dude he's number fucking 1!!!!

i heard that guy doesn't have a library card let's kill him

She wishes to be armed.

me: *covered in scratch marks* i am still a powerful and respectable wizard, you know

my imp krongus: *doubtfully* yes, my lord

me: i did eventually kill the mouse with a needle for a sword

krongus: it’s just that it was so close, my lord

rasputin didnt become a fucked up sex wizard until he was like 30. your life doesn't end at 25 <3

if you're in your mid twenties and you're reading this you still have plenty of time to inadvertently topple a dynasty just by being really fucking weird and horny. don't worry.

my favorite thing about the mystery genre is that we all accept the concept of "world famous detective" without hesitation even though that is absolutely not a real category of celebrity

oh wow this is crazy when did I get a pool installed

man swimming is great

where'd the ladder go

Welcome to autism subway can i get you the same thing you've ordered here since you were 8

"i want morally grey female characters" you fuckers could barely handle rose quartz

These tags made me snort at work.

Two vital lessons from Brennan Lee Mulligan

3. birds are cool

L showing up at Light's school and introducing himself as Hideki Ryuga is fucking hysterical to me. imagine how every other student there must have felt. that's like if you were at college and some weird goth supergenius kid who looks like he hasn't stepped outside in 20 years showed up at your school and introduces himself as Harry Styles but not the one you're thinking of, and then he follows around some other weird supergenius kid for a week and they play the world's most homoerotic game of tennis and then they both disappear off the face of the earth forever

generational difference between people who learnt the word kin on tiktok and think it is a fun way of saying u identify somewhat with a character VS people who learnt the word kin on tumblr where people would threaten each other about kin lists because they genuinely believed they were a manifested reincarnation of karkat homestuck

genuinely people would have tiered lists of kins, from it's okay to follow me if you kin this, to never interact w me if any of your mutuals are kin w this because this is literally me

people were kinblocking like it was the beaches of fucking normandy

oversharing online is so important cus like what if someone needed to know that