i wish i could have been alive when gods would regularly come down from the heavens and fuck the brains out of mortals for no reason other than they felt like it 

Bold of you to assume that’s not still happening

If you increasingly scratch a dog’s belly faster, how long will it take before you can use it’s legs as a boat motor?

there’s only two genders

take on me by a-ha and africa by toto

Stop hanging out with people who don’t give a shit about you

Im 18 and im having my 48th midlife crisis

*puts on my bitch face and walks like a stuck up in public to mask my anxiety*

it’s always a good idea to bring a little snack with u

the most important vine

*looks out my window and sees the moon* hi baby

i can’t ever step on a beach without thinking about “steppin’ on the beach” and the “doo doo doo” that follows and i hate that…… i hate it. i’ll never be able to step on a beach in peace

Let’s all take a moment of silence for anyone who has to work retail the next couple of months.. And please remember that as busy as the holiday seasons are, and you might be in a hurry, your cashier/other employees are working really hard to make you happy and also have feelings like you. 🙏🙏

@girls don’t let a man interrupt your education

My goal is to be rich enough to give people $200 when they're short for rent and not even have to worry about them paying me back.

Can we just take a moment to be thankful this tweet exists.