Scooby, 15 years old, but still a puppy in my eyes. She is a true cookie monster.

The family farm, I love the country.

Stitch’s photo shoot. He’s only three months old, but his cuteness demands your attention.

07/06/15

Alright! So, the past few days were amazing fun but horrible on my diet and exercise. 

July 3rd: My cousins came up for the weekend! I have a lot of extended family, but I hardly know most of them and the rest I don’t get along with, my cousins are the only ones I really know and care for. I didn’t go crazy with my diet that day, but I did slack on any from of exercise.

July 4th: Of course! You have to have a grill out! We made BBQ ribs and chicken, corn on the cob and Bush’s Baked Beans. I worked, weeding the mini garden and going for a swim in the pool. We ate at the end of the night before sitting around a bonfire and watching my cousins shoot off their fireworks (Super pretty and didn’t have to deal with all the people who would have been in town watching the show).

July 5th: My birthday! I got to choose what was for dinner. We made kabobs (beef and shrimp), plus deep-fried beer-battered zucchini! My parents threw in steak, potatoes, and potato salad to add some. I made cake for dessert, and we had pie and ice-cream to go with it! Besides working on the meal, I cleaned the house, played some bean-toss, and went for a swim. I was given a lot of candy (I’m still the chubby cousin with a sweet tooth, so I understand the sweets), some bones for the new puppy, smelly stuff, and a new pair of shoes for running. 

2:00AM July 6th I took two sleeping aides (I had a headache/cough) and I drank some Dr. Pepper (Which didn’t agree with my tummy). Stitch (Puppy) woke up at 2:00AM (We went to bed at 1:00AM) needing to go to the bathroom. I took him out and he went pee. I brought him back to bed, he then preceded to whine/nip for 30 minutes until my boyfriend took him out (All he did was sit on the porch and stare out). My boyfriend brought him back to bed and for the next 30 minutes he continued to bark/whine/nip/bite/scratch... I snapped! I slapped him, he bite me harder, I picked him up and took him outside, he finally finished his potty, I let him grab a snack and drink some water before dropping him in the bed with my boyfriend while I went to sleep on the couch. I felt so guilty and confused when I woke up I slipped into a moment of binge eating before sitting on the bed and seeing if he would forgive me, he crawled over to me, tail waging, and preceded to chew on me (To him that meant he forgave me). Now I feel guilty for all I ate in the morning, but I’ll survive, I just need to think before grabbing a cookie or three when I’m upset.

Moving to NOW. The rain makes it impossible to go outside. Stitch is going mildly crazy, I put him down for a nap now (A moment of peace). Maybe, I’ll work on cleaning the house a bit or making my weekly plans.

FMLS90: Week 1, Day 4

I forgot to work on challenge two. It was only sunny for a short period of time anyways, the weather is supposed to be better tomorrow which will hopefully allow for some nice pictures.

What do you hope to get out of this 90 day challenge? In the short term I would like to lose weight and gain some confidence, in the long term I hope to be set onto the path of a healthy lifestyle and having it turn into a habit that will allow for further weight loss and personal growth.

My ultimate end goal isn’t achieving my goal weight, would be a huge bonus though, my ultimate end goal is just adopting a healthier lifestyle. I would love to be able to say no to processed foods, not suffer withdrawals from lack of sweets, and exercise will be something I look forward to, not hate or fear.

What are you doing to drive towards your goals? Well… One, I am doing this challenge. :D Two, I’ve been working on my diet (clean eating). Three, I’ve been trying different exercise programs (C25K, yoga, swimming, OLD Boflex weight machine) to find things that click and things that I will continue to enjoy doing.

What is your fitness/weight loss history? What were the results? This will be my first attempt at healthy weight loss. Before this point I would restrict my calories dangerously and exercise in excess (cardio). I did this in both High school and my first year or two of college. In High school I dropped to my lowest weight of 160 lbs, but then I ballooned to 310 lbs. I then dropped back to 230 lbs and I count myself lucky I didn’t destroy my body in the process. I have no desire to experience the hunger pains and depression that comes with those bad habits ever again.

What are you trying differently this time? I’m going to EAT! I’m just going to avoid processed and sugary foods. I’m going to eat cleaner. I am going to still have a calorie deficient, but not one that would be considered as starvation. I am going to work out, but I won’t be concerned about the amount of calories I burn. I want to enjoy myself and get stronger. Instead of pushing my body to the limits, not caring what damage I may cause, I’m going to push myself to see what I am capable of and to watch how my body changes and grows. My body is amazing and it is time I actually take care of it.

FMLS90: Week 1, Day 3

I’m working on competing the challenges for Week 1! I’ve already met some nice people who are willing to be my buddies on my journey (I’d tag them in the post, but I don’t know how and I didn’t ask for permission). As long as the weather allows I will take the ten pictures that will show you a bit of my world tomorrow. Why are you on this journey? I want to add confidence and will-power. I’m hoping that once this journey is over my life will be different and I hope I can bring my boyfriend along for the ride. I’m afraid that if I don’t change now, I may never change... I always keep putting things off until the last minute (I already have cancer, I don’t want anything else to go wrong with my body). My life isn’t just at stake though, my boyfriend is in the same boat, I hope that if I am able to make some kind of transformation I will be an inspiration for him to follow. Why are you where you are today? In my introduction speech I explained how I went upon a path of self-destruction and self-hate. I could blame others, I could blame the food companies, but those would all just be excuses. I would eat when I was emotional or when I was bored. My weight is my own fault, my laziness is my own fault. No one has control over my life, I will change for the better!

FMLS90: Week 1, Day 2

Measurements, I don’t feel comfortable posting a photo... Maybe I will post a before and after at the end of this challenge.

Height: 5’9” Weight: 267.4 lbs

Bust: 51 in. Chest: 46 in. Waist: 45.5 in.

Hips: 51.5 in. Thigh: 30 in. Calves: 20.5 in.

 Upper arm: 16 in. Forearm: 12 in. Neck: 15 in.