Fork.

There's a fork in the road right now and I'm standing at the base wondering which prong to choose, there are four different path's/prong's to choose from. One is the choice my parents want me to choose, one is the same I've been traveling down for the past year, another is the one I would have chosen a few years ago and the last is the one where I know it's the best choice for me but I'mnot if I want to leave the path I'm on but I know eventually something is going to go wrong. Okay, I'm not making any sense, all I know is that I feel stuck in my life.

I know, it's been too long since I last posted anything. I'm trying to keep myself really busy. No call in almost two months and no letter in almost a month. It's driving me insane. Days like today, where all I want to do is talk to him and hear his voice, but yet nothing happens. It's beyond frustrating at this point. Giving up is not an option though. I know right now is just a rough patch and I'm sure there will be many more to come, it's just tough when you don't have close friends and family here for support. Keep your heads up ladies! Just remember you're one day closer.

Rock a bye baby.

I have major sleeping issues, I can never sleep well, ever. Which is probably why I'm always sick. Anyway, I've tried everything, everything natural anyway. Tea, night time lotion, baths at night, anything to make me completely relaxed! Most times I try a book, usually it works but lately it hasn't been. So I looked online and read somewhere that bananas help you sleep, of course I thought "seriously?" But I LOVE bananas so why not give it a try? For the past couple weeks, I've eaten a banana every night before bed (before I brush my teeth, obviously) and I think it really does work guys!! I've actually gotten great sleep and don't wake up at all. Usually I wake up about three or four times, after having some crazy dream about my inmate and then I worry for the rest of the night; I'm just a worry wart in general. Moral of this story...if you're having trouble sleeping, try a banana! I want to know if it works for you. Have a great night and be thankful for what you have in life

I have a love/hate relationship with Sunday's. They're usually a day you get to spend with your loved ones and just relax the day away, which is what happens but there's no mail and he doesn't call on Sunday. No mail is so depressing. I'm in a total funk today. My friends made jabs today that hurt, it's a big joke to them. How is my love for someone a joke? I get so frustrated and angry with people who just laugh at my situation. It also doesn't help when your family isn't supportive, one bit. Does anyone else go through this? I want to know how you deal with it. I'm having a very hard time trying to wrap my head around comments and remarks. It just doesn't make sense. Maybe I'm just in a total funk and I'll feel better tomorrow but tonight it's weighing on me, heavily. I hope all of you had a great weekend! Tomorrow is another mail day :)

Follow.

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Twitter: Prison_GFs

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Re-post.

I posted some of this last night, but it didn't post the whole thing, so hopefully it works this time around! "Missing someone isn’t about how long it’s been since you’ve seen them or the amount of time since you’ve talked. It’s about that very moment when you’re doing something and wishing they were right there with you." This fits into my daily life, as I’m sure it does yours too. Not only because I miss my inmate every single day and I long for his touch but this hits home with all the angels I have looking down on me. This is going to be more on the personal side; but I want to share because I know everyone goes through losing someone. Almost a year ago, I lost one of my best friends in a motorcycle accident, most days it doesn’t seem real and then there are those days that are just like the quote, you wish they were there at that exact moment with you. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of my friend, I wish I could be more like him; he was so carefree and honestly lived life to the fullest, he took chances and never thought twice about anything. Damn, I miss my dude. I hope you all had a great week and have an even better weekend!

Been MIA.

Hey guys, sorry I've been sort of MIA for a little bit. I hate excuses but I do kind of have one...I have pneumonia, so I've been out of commission for about a week. Started off as just a cold and has gotten worse the past few days. But I'm now on medicine and have NO excuses anymore! I figured I would just drop by and see how everyone was doing. I hope you've had a great week and getting ready for an even better weekend :) any visits or releases happening? Know that I am so thankful for your kind words and support, it means so much to me! I don't think I've mentioned this yet but I do have a twitter it's...@Prison_GFs

“Know that I literally hold on to the idea of walking out of here and into your arms.”

That was in the most recent letter I received from him yesterday. Talk about water falls down my cheeks, it was a very emotional letter and it’s been a rough few days for us. If you’re going through a hard time with your loved one on the inside, I understand, I’m sure a lot of us do. None of this is easy, I feel like some people think we get off by this lifestyle or something; I’d probably have a bigger smile on my face if I got off by it, because we all know we don’t have great sex lives, non-existent is what I should say.

Moving on, I cannot stand when people try to give me their opinion on everything. Just stop. I understand what I’m doing, I understand it’s not going to be easy and I completely comprehend what I’m giving up. My friends tell me that one day the “right guy” is going to come along and sweep me off my feet and I’ll forget about all of this. Forget? I tried to “forget” my love after our second break-up, when I was just 17. I tried to “forget” everything I felt for him and how much it hurt to see him move on with one of my close friends. I tried to “forget” how it felt like my heart got ripped out of my chest when he called me and told me he was moving 1,100 miles away. How can I just “forget” about someone who means so much to me, someone who I would do anything for, someone who I now consider my family and someone who will be in my life no matter what? Explain that to me, please, because I’m having a hard time trying to wrap my head around that damn statement.

I get it. They love me and they’re trying to look out for me. But I would NEVER try to interfere with their relationships and what happens in them. Obviously we’re all in different circumstances but I don’t give a damn to be honest. No one can tell anyone how to live their life and what to do with it. My rant is over.

Psychology Friends

I had a get together tonight with some close friends, only few people know about my situation; I like to keep things private to protect myself, him, family and friends. One of my friends is a psychology major, he said something to me that hit home tonight. He said "I believe that you like someone for their talents but you love them for their defects." Now read it again and think about it for a second. That statement is so true. Now I know some people might say "how can you like an inmate for his talents? His talents are what got him there in the first place." Could be, but just because they're in prison for something, doesn't mean that's all they know how to do. Now the defects...I'll love him for everything he is, even if he is a prisoner. Maybe I'm not making any sense but it all makes total sense to me. Don't lose hope or faith ladies. Know that your love is strong enough to get you by each and every day. I know it's tough, but it's just a little bump in the road. Things will get better. Heads up!

I haven't figured out how to reply yet!! Not spiteful, he's just worried, which is understandable. We'll get through it, everyone has their tough times. Thank you for supporting. Stay strong!! @beefdip

Rough spots.

Letter today but no call. Letter wasn't what I was hoping for. He's having doubts because of our lack of communication. It's a rough spot, I know we'll get through it but damn what does he expect me to do? I wrote him every day for months; I then decided just once or twice a week because I needed to have a life and not become such a hermit. After all, he didn't want me just sitting at home all the time either. But then, I didn't hear from him for over a month because he was teaching me a lesson; wanted to make sure I was really in this for the long haul. If I say I'm in it, then you better believe I'm in it. No games, no broken promises. Now it's on me about the communication, that I need to write more or else we should consider just "the friends thing." Really? Give me a break. Okay, I didn't come here to share my sob story or to have anyone feel sorry for me. I just want you guys, or girls I guess I should say, to understand how their mind is everywhere when they're in there. All they have is time. Time to over think, time to run situations through their head, time to over analyze, too much time. Sometimes it all comes back on the ones who care about them the most. It sucks, for both parties. With all that being said and me knowing how he is; I'm sure he's thinking the worst case scenario. But he's got another thing coming. He needs to understand that I'm waiting, not spreading my legs to every man that hits on me. I'm dedicated to him and only him, there is no other man that I would rather be with, besides David Franco/Channing Tatum/Chris Pine/Charlie Hunnam but those are all different stories for a different day. I wrote him every single day for months, then he decided he didn't want to write for over a month, I'm now suppose to just make communication better. He can't feel like he can have control over me while he's in there, I won't have it. Maybe I completely took the letter the wrong way, but he can't "boss" me around and try to teach me lessons, he KNOWS that. Ladies, never let your man think he has control over you; whether he's in a cell or not. Stand your ground, no matter what. We will share words with this and I'm sure there might be a few not so nice words but he needs to understand I have a life. Just like I understand that there are going to be rough spots and that I WILL be patient. We'll get through this, just one of the many bumps in the road.

Six years.

I need you now. I need you, bad. I need you wrapped up in these arms. My mornings are becoming easier but my nights are still the same. Now that I'm living on my own and have my own space, everything seems so dull and I'm beginning to feel fragile. I'm strong but am I THIS strong? I have to be, this has to work itself out, our love is too deep for it to not last. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy the past few days (I'm in LOVE! Started from season 1) and it is crazy how much the prison life compares to "The Club." Whether your in it or not, you deal with it for the rest of your life; there's good times, bad times and boring times. Everything you do, you either suffer a consequence or a never get acknowledgement for it. Am I really comparing this lifestyle to a TV show? Okay, okay; obviously I haven't had enough coffee this morning. But seriously, some of it makes sense. Being that we have six years left of this mess, I have to make the best of it somehow. SIX years. I know some of you out there are waiting longer or even sticking by their side if they got life, God Bless you all. What is it that we can really look forward to when you have so much time left to go? Besides phone calls, letter and visits. There's no "breaks," no "time outs" from all of this. It is an every day struggle to keep my head up. Don't get me wrong, I'm a strong woman but I still have my breaking points. It's safe to say I'm sure I'll have plenty more over the next six years.

Love. Numbers 2 & 7.

I Hope You're The End Of My Story.

"I hope you're the end of my story I hope you're as far as it goes I hope you're the last word I ever utter It's never your time to go Sometimes this road that we travel Feels like it's leading us on And spinning our wheels just stirs up the gravel Before you know it, it's gone. I hope you're the end of my story I hope you're as far as it goes"