Not For Human Consumption.

aziraphale, tenderly, taking one of adam’s hands while crowley does the same with the other: whatever happens, for good or for evil, we’re beside you 

adam: cool. who are you

tbh I can’t imagine aziraphale growing attached to puppies or kittens or anything like that bc it would break his heart each & every time he lost one to age , but I can picture him palling around w a giant tortoise, who lives upward of 100 years

aziraphale, lying on the floor to be face level with his tortoise friend: when you don’t age, time has far less meaning. I could never understand the urgency—why go hurry eternity? just because the tortoise and the hare went different speeds didn’t mean they couldn’t both envision the finish line. but after the experience of almost losing him, I’ve begun to wonder, I have left him waiting an awful long time, haven’t I?

tortoise: *chews a piece of lettuce*

aziraphale @ any minor inconvenience

Parrots also live for 80-100 years or so but are incredibly high-maintenance, so the turtle definitely seems like a better option here

Warlock: only one? I want the barbie to ride the hotwheels

Crowley: both it is!

His mother: …

Ye olden days: “ we must never go in there, the fair folk may take us away from this world”

Millennials: *banging pots and pans together in the middle of a mushroom circle during a full moon on an equinox * “IT WOULD BE A SHAME IF SOMETHING ABUCTED ME RIGHT ABOUT NOW!”

Well if you’re bring iron/base metals in you’re actively repelling the fae!

Ways to attract fae:

1) mirrors - they like seeing themselves

2) sweet smells - a little vanilla extract goes a long way; as do cookies

3) glitter/sparkles - they looove them

4) music - if you wanna talk about getting snatched, at least give it a sick beat/melody; fae love to dance

Come on millennials: do a little research!

Ironically, Hemsworth credits the movie he almost left — “Ghostbusters” — with priming audiences to accept Thor’s turn to screwball comedy. He would have liked to have done a “Ghostbusters” sequel, and he still hasn’t forgiven the online fanboys who viciously attacked the reboot because the new stars were played by women. “That whole period I was like, ‘What ownership do you guys have over those characters?’” Hemsworth says. “Oh, you watched the film, therefore you should have a say over where it goes? I thought it was very unfortunate and kind of disappointing.” 

- Hemsworth speaking some serious truth about the toxicity of entitled fans

Chris Hemsworth is a good dude.

New one in the saga of Tony Hawk trying to live life as Tony Hawk

Area Demon Traumatized by Ineffable Plant Loving Angel. 

Comic Commissioned by the beautiful @pocketseizure(Please don’t upload without permission)

I’m sorry but the things Michael Sheen does with his eyes are utterly obscene. Giving Crowley the Gay Once Over? The way he oh-so-slightly turns his body towards him and then turns away? He’s looking at him like a Victorian lady who has just found a handsome and rakish highwayman crawling through her window and she’s nominally protesting just to protect her honour. Aziraphale you fucking tease. I know I’ve said this before but he’s literally eyeing him up like a fucking crepe. This is peak NSFW. I should not be seeing this before the watershed.

The way he says “Oh, good Lord,” as if it’s Crowley who’s done something obscene (which, yes, he is sprawled out in black and scarlet like a late 18th century pinup) but it’s 1000% Aziraphale’s thirsty brain that sees his demon and immediately goes to carnal thoughts. If he was pure of mind he would’ve just been like, ah yes, there he is, but instead he’s flustered and blushing and chiding Crowley in an “oh behave!” sort of way, when really it’s him who needs to get ahold of himself. Crowley’s literally just said how awful humans are and all Aziraphale can think is “oh fuck he looks so hot, I was not prepared, I need a moment but also let me scope that out one more time” 👀

I have to say I do think the funniest implied running joke in good omens is how Crowley has decided that the best use of his demonic powers is to make life just a little bit more irritating for everyone who lives in London but without ever considering that HE LIVES IN LONDON

He’s like. Haha. I shall leave these rakes strewn about and surely someone will tread on one and it will snap up and clock them in the face and they will be mad. And then without fail 48 hours later he treads on a rake

This happens every time and every time he’s like ARGH how could I have foreseen this >:[

Monday Crowley: [glues a 50p coin to the sidewalk]

Wednesday Crowley, walking down the street: Oh hey! 50p!

Crowley arriving in Hell once every century to take credit for something he didn’t do

This is my favorite celebrity headline of today

John Mulaney voice: It was even weirder, though, when I went out for the night with some money, black out, and wake up with more money, because that means that I earned money. That means that I traded goods and/or services. Which is scary.

Why is Marvel like this?

Anthony Mackie:

Brie Larson:

update: apparently canberra’s skywhale was harpooned and died 

Local resident Michelle Bedford says what she saw can only be described as ‘incredibly unlikely’ and ‘bizarrely beautiful’.

“The guy got on the roof of his van with a crazy look in his eyes I’ve never seen before, as if in his universe there was only him and the Skywhale. He hurled the broomhandle like a harpoon, got it right through the eye.

“We all clapped and cheered, not like we hate the Skywhale or anything but it was just unbelievably cool.”

It then took several hours for security staff and onlookers to disentangle Ahab from the corpse of the Skywhale which had slowly but majestically fallen directly on top of him, like a heavenly blanket with massive breasts.

The sculpture, a hot air balloon depicting a whale as it may have evolved if it lived in the air rather than the sea, has had a mixed reception since it was first launched in 2013. Critics of the Skywhale cited its outlandish appearance, large breast-like appendages and ‘dumb, smug whale face’.

…

Artist Patricia Piccinini, who designed the sculpture, has asked that charges not be pressed against Mr Ahab, claiming that she was “invigorated” to see the public engaging with the artwork on such a meaningful level and that she couldn’t ask for a “more fitting way for a big balloon that looks like a whale to complete its lifecycle in the public eye.”

When asked if the ‘killing’ of the Skywhale had any allegorical significance or if the quest to find and destroy it was in some way symbolic of a larger tale Mr Ahab told reports “Nah mate, just f-ing hate that bloody whale.”

….This. THIS is art.