just saw another fic that completely misunderstood elementary schoolers. going to make a post as soon as my shift is done

i lied im doing this mid shift.

okay starting with preschoolers (3-5 year olds) they range a lot. i mostly work with nonverbal preschoolers, but i know several who are insanely verbose and use big words. one of them will answer questions in full sentences, the other doesn't even respond to her name.

kindergartners are pretty similar, but they tend to do a lot of vacant stares.

first graders looove attention. if you pay attention to a first grader you're done for. they tend to start developing their personalities to an extent at this point, and are more like little drama queens than anything else.

second graders are complex, strange beasts. they know swear words. they watch horror movies. they stay up until 8. they're real rebels. at this point they get a little meaner. more likely to point out your boogers. they still think burps are funny.

third grade is a bunch of little guys. like at this point they're at the age where they think they're basically adults and have nothing to worry about. baby talking them is a bad idea.

forth grade is 9-10 year olds and trust me, they're so much more mature than you think. they're basically like people. some of them are pretty cool. some are not.

fifth are the snootiest, smuggest little bastards on earth. they understand slurs and use them. do not talk to them.

In what world is tall muscular man not conventionally attractive

We've all been down here too long. I truly think there's a chunk of tumblr's population that can no longer survive sunlight.

women will say “hear me out” and show u a photo of pyramid head and then tumblr users will go “this is a perfectly normal man and an ice cold take”

writing smut like

how many synonyms for “penis” do I actually know?

and how many of those synonyms am I actually willing to use

tier 1 (most accepted, considered sexy): cock, dick

tier 2 (generally accepted): length, manhood, member, shaft

tier 3 (clinical, too formal, but not cheesy): groin, penis, phallus

tier 4 (cheesy, barely acceptable): [insert name] Jr., dong, junk, knob, prick, rod, tool, wand, wood

tier 5 (ridiculous, unacceptable, pls don’t): anything to do with beer cans, baby-maker, bishop, choad, donger, dragon, fuck wand, fun stick, hog, johnson, jimmy, lap rocket, little [insert name], love muscle/rod/stick, meat stick, one-eyed [anything], piston, private eye, schlong, trouser snake, wiener, winkie

tier 6 (you’re literally a fourth grader): baby arm, baloney pony, beaver basher, beef whistle, custard launcher, dude piston, flesh flute, heat-seeking moisture missile, krull the warrior king, luigi, mayo shooting hotdog gun, meter long king kong dong, pig skin bus, piss weasle, purple-headed yogurt flinger, purple-helmeted warrior of love, schlong dongadoodle, single barreled pump action bollock, spawn hammer, steamin’ semen truck, tan banana, thundersword, wang doodle, whoopie stick, wing wang doodle, yogurt shotgun 

tier 3 (clinical,

too formal, but not cheesy):

groin, penis, phallus

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

I'd say this is an anomaly but seriously roos are sometimes nosy and just need to be in your business, OR they will fight you if you look at them funny. I love them, they're great, but they make little sense.

The fucking horror I felt in my soul of the 3 seconds it took to try to and work out what the fuck this animal was

Get you a girl who speaks in parentheses. Get you a girl who includes information in a sentence that isn't necessary but adds additional context or commentary.

Suddenly struck with a need to explain to you how boat pronouns work (I work in the marine industry).

When you're talking about the design of the boat, you say "it".

When the boat is still being built, your say "it".

When the boat is nearing completion, you can say "it" or "she".

When the boat is floating in the water you probably say "she", unless there is still a lot of work to be done (e.g. no engine yet) then you say "it".

When the boat is officially launched and operating, you say "she". If you continue to say "it" at this point you are not incorrect but suspiciously untraditional. You are not playing the game.

If you are referring to a boat you don't really know anything about you may say "it" ("there's a big boat, it's coming this way"). But if you know its name, it's probably "she" ("there's the Waverley, she's on her way to Greenock").

If you are talking about boats in general, you say "it" ("when a boat is hit by a wave it heels over")

If you speak about a boat in complimentary terms, it's "she" ("she's a grand boat"). If you are being disparaging it may be it, but not necessarily ("it's as ugly as sin", "she's a grotty old tub").

If she has a boy's name, she's still she. "Boy James", "King Edward", "Sir David Attenborough"? The pronoun is she.

If it's a dumb barge (no engine), you say it. But if it's a rowing boat (no engine), you say she.

I hope this has cleared things up so that you may not be in danger of misgendering floating objects.

Best people. #ACAB

Each sentence gets worse. Each sentence gets more MAGA.

Do think that one day, digitization will be looked at as a dangerous fad that resulted in entire generations of art and literature being lost.

— Shahrazad al-Khalij  (via loveage-moondream)

Remember these terms for professions to help encourage gender neutral language!

✨ Please reblog the polls to make them reach out to as many people as possible, but KEEP IT SPOILER-FREE to make people listen to the music with an open mind 💖 Artists and titles will be revealed after the poll's conclusion, check the original post for an update! ✨

save me monkey man directed by and starring dev patel

I can be normal about Dev Patel btw . In case you were wondering.

5 things your character can't do while speaking

Choked is not meant to be taken literally, an obstruction in the throat. It means they’re having difficultly speaking, they’re forcing the words out with difficulty. Often used when the character is convulsed in tears or laughter.

Hiss is a low, threatening whisper. Raw, guttural, vicious. It is NOT a literal hiss like an animal, it is a tone of voice that serves the same function. Someone will hiss that they’re going to cut your throat- a message from one person to the other.

Snarl is the same kind of thing. Not literal, it’s a tone of voice that serves the same function. It’s raw and gutteral like a hiss, but more savage than vicious. It’s loud, it’s showy, it’s intimidating. It’s very alpha male, big man, look at how fucking dangerous I am. I’ll take ALL of you on. Even if they’re snarling at one person in particular, nobody better back them up or they’re gonna get fucked up too.

Shriek. Come on, seriously? We’ve all heard people shriek either in fear or outrage. High pitched, loud, out of control, feminine. Men can shriek, but it’s funny and emasculating. Think angry italian women throwing pots and pans or ladies on tables who just saw a mouse.

Sneering is contempt whether it’s a facial expression or a tone of voice or both. There are a hundred different ways to sneer with your voice, but it all adds up to the same thing.

How descriptive words work 101

Op radiating cinema sins energy with that list lol

OP tagging this as “reasons they stop reading a book in ch 1” yet not grasping like the most basic form of figurative language is… something