Well. I should have figured this would happen. I'm shutting it down folks. This week while I was sick out of work, two people came into the store. One came specifically while I wasn't there because they didn't want to end up on the blog, and because they said I outed a friend's shopping preferences and didn't want that to happen to them, and another person brought it to my boss' attention that I include stories about the store on my blog. I've been thinking about this for a while, and part of me has always been uncomfortable with including the personal stories etc. But everyone seemed to enjoy those best. I should have known better and taken the high road and focused purely on educational posts. So for that I apologize. I also apologize to whoever I outed. I didn't mean malice by it, and I certainly didn't intend to offend. I often forget that shopping at an adult store is not like shopping at Target. Being surrounded by dildos all day every day will do that to you. I forget that I sometimes can't say "oh yeah, so and so stopped by the other day. They had a great time" or be talking in a group of friends and ask how they enjoyed their toy, or....whatever exactly I did that upset my friend. I'm personally hurt that they didn't feel comfortable enough to come to me directly and talk to me. But I also understand why. My bosses said I could continue the blog, and just be careful, but I think it's going to be best to take it all down since they are also somewhat uncomfortable with my toy reviews, and the potential that people could link the blog to the store and fault the store for my opinions. I'll be saving my educational posts, my rants, and the guest posts that were submitted to me. Maybe I'll refine them and start a new more discrete blog somewhere down the road. Thank you very much for being part of this experiment and experience. And again I apologize to any that I offended. I will begin taking posts down tonight, but this post will remain on the blog for the next couple weeks before I remove the blog entirely.

Short Tales - "Girls Will Be Girls"

Short Tales - It's A Terrifying Notion

Arousal =/= Stretching

The following is said with with intent to improve people’s sexual lives. If you read the following and go “But I like ____” you’re missing the point. Everyone is entitled to enjoy what they enjoy. That doesn’t mean everyone should or does. Saw an incredibly frustrating post about vaginal stretching the other day, so figured I’d do a post about that.

The vagina is a collapsible tube that is only about 4 inches long, and an inch wide depending on the person. The opening is usually smaller then that in a normal state.

When a person is fully aroused, their vaginal cavity nearly doubles in size. When they stops being aroused, it goes back to the original size. THERE IS NO STRETCHING.

If you’re having trouble fitting your dick in a vagina, or if it feels super tight or dry, it’s because you haven’t sufficiently aroused them.

If it feels loose and wet, then they are fully aroused. Well done.

If a person is having MORE sex, and having orgasms, and is dealing with different penis or toy sizes on a regular basis. They’re more likely to have STRONGER kegel muscles. Not looser ones.

Yes. That’s right. Get it on with a “slut” and you’ll probably have the tightest and most interesting ride of your life. Because they can be fully aroused, and still know how to clamp down. Because they've been working out their vagina. Similar to how, when you frequently go to the gym, you strengthen your arms, not stretch them out.

(Yeah... not supposed to happen) 

If you’re having sex with a virgin, and they’re super super tight, that means you haven’t done your job. It means they aren't having a good time. Congrats you asshole.

Vaginas are NOT supposed to feel like a vice. They are supposed to feel like a pocket.

If you need it to be super super tight and dry in order to get off inside of a vagina… You might want to look into using a cream or lube when you masturbate, and go easy on your grip. Because they aren't supposed to BE tight and dry in order to enjoy themselves.

(Not a vagina)

That being said… People with vaginas. Penises DO tend to like squeezing. Your vagina is the perfect size no matter what. BUT if you want to feel tight around a penis or a toy, do some kegel exercises, and work out the muscle groups down there.

Doing exercises does not shrink the size of your vagina, but it gives you more control. It helps your urethra and rectal functions, and as a bonus you gain more powerful orgasms.

In addition, if your partner is bigger, or if you want to use bigger toys, that’s cool too! But you should work your way up! Don’t force it! You’re much more likely to cause tears in the skin and muscles down there then “stretch it out” if you jump right onto a 3 to 4 inch wide piece. Start with a smaller toy to get the area fully aroused, and lubricated, and then work your way up to the big stuff.

It WONT stretch you out. You’ll return right back to the size you were before.

So enjoy whatever size penetrating objects you like!

And I swear to god if I hear anyone talking about this again, I will slap them with a giant dildo. And we have a foot wide dildo at my work. So don’t tempt me.

Short Tales - First Hand Experience

Overheard at the store Boy: I... Don't think this is what a real penis feels like... Girl: Aaand how would you know?! Boy:... Because I have one...

Short Tales - Unique Tastes

(I wasn’t going to share this one with you all. But it actually raises an interesting question that I’m going to try and tackle later in more detail. THIS IS SUPER NSFW.) Today a middle class couple came into the store. They were a bit testy, and I was a bit concerned, because they kept breaking the rules, and I kept having to remind them. At the end of their visit, the couple decided to ask me a question. "Do you have any bestiality porn?" "I’m sorry. What?" "Pornography with bestiality in it." "No… we do not…" "So it’s sorta a real underground thing then." "Um…" "So you don’t have any, any at all?" "We have some hentai…" "No I’m looking for the real thing." "Sir the sale of bestiality pornography is illegal in this state… it’s like child porn." "So internet only then huh?" "…" I’m honestly proud of myself for keeping a straight face. And I checked with my boss, I handled the situation the way I was supposed to. I can’t kick them out of the store of call the police for asking about it. Only if they try to look it up on our computers. People. If you have super unique tastes in porn. Please research the laws about them. You CAN actually get arrested for stuff like this.

I am a HUGE supporter for being into whatever it is you’re into. But I’m also a HUGE advocate for doing it safely, sanely, consensually, and legally.

Toy Collector Problems #10

When you’re organizing the electro play toys and keep going “Ooo it’s so pretty! I should get that!” And then reminding yourself you’ll never actually use it.

Kink 101  - What?

What is a Kink? Brilliantly I've heard it explained as "Anything you're not into", but the actual definition is thus

"A sharp twist or curve in something that is otherwise straight." Basically "Kink" is used sexually to describe something outside of what is perceived to be normal. Or to take it back to the original "Anything you're not into." Because let's face it. No one is actually normal. And most things that we think of as being "Normal" parts of sex are actually pretty damn kinky when you think about it. Putting your mouth on genitals? Whaaat? Putting anything in someone's butt? Excuse me, poop comes from there. Emulating a dog humping a person's leg by doing "doggie style"? What are we, wild animals?

Ok so yeah, we as humans in general are pretty past all that. But there's a lot of other things out there that started off as pretty damn kinky that are pretty normal in pornography and in people's personal sexual lives. Roleplay, light spankings, doing it anywhere but the bed, dirty talking, light bondage, rough play, obsession with a non genital body part, an obsession with a type of clothing etc etc etc. So basically the point I'm trying to make is that everyone who is sexual is kinky. There is no such thing as a "vanilla" person.  "But wait Saber! I don't do any of those things! I'm super vanilla!" Uh huh. So you're telling me that you only have missionary position sex, while being fairly quiet, thinking only of your partner, and you never watch porn, masturbate, use toys, have any fantasies, or do oral? "Yep!"

Oh... well... then I guess you are pretty "vanilla". Congratulations for not being influenced by your childhood, the media, religion, or your peers! If you and your partner are 100% satisfied by that arrangement then YAY. Keep on truckin! There is NOTHING wrong with that. For the record, you're pretty kinky to the rest of us.

One of the things that consistently bothers me about my kinky friends is there seems to be this contest for who can be the most kinky. You know what? If "vanilla" did it for me 100% of the time I would be SO happy. So much less work, and stress, and communication. But if you're not satisfied. Well then you might want to look at deviating from the "norm" and getting a little "kinky". And guess what? There's NOTHING wrong with that either!

You don't have to dive in headfirst and buy the leather straight jacket because you want to bind your partner. You don't have to engage in watersports because you think you might like being degraded. You don't have to get hit with a baseball bat because you think you might enjoy impact play.

Baby steps man. Baby steps. And it's not a contest, and there's nothing wrong if there's something you're "Just not into", but don't criticize others who ARE into it. And if you're into something, you don't get to put others who aren't, down. I am NOT into electric play. A lot of people are shocked by this.

Goddmanit.

A lot of people are surprised by this. And I get a lot of "Well you just haven't done it right." No. No. I'm pretty sure I don't want electricity coursing through my body. Does not sound like a fun time... to me. But I get the appeal. Doesn't mean I have to try it. But it also doesn't mean I'm not part of some super special club because I don't like it. Your kinks are your kinks, and you have them for a very specific reason. You don't have to deviate from them, you don't have to try new things, and you don't have to be kinky at all if you don't want to. But just remember to listen to what your body and your mind needs. You might be surprised.

In the end, for me, being "kinky" is just who I am. It's part of what makes me "normal". In my next kink post I'm going to talk about "Why" and explain how people develop their kinks in the first place. Using science!

Rant - You're Not Helping

Late night frustration post.

I see a lot of articles and opinion pieces shared around about how those of us with breasts should be allowed to have them bare in public, or how we should stop wearing bras for our health, or really anything that is about giving people with female figures the same rights as those who have males.

And inevitably I always see these posts, shared by male friends, going “Sounds good to me! More boobs!” Or “Ladies! Release the girls for all to see!” Or some such.

It’s like. Guys. Guys guys guys. Do you even understand what were fighting for? You are the reason we can’t go topless in the first place. Because you are over sexualizing a part of our bodies, that is not always sexual. You want to draw attention to the fact that “How awesome” would it be if we all went topless, or at least braless.

When all we want is the ability to do so without receiving attention for it.

I’m a nudist at heart. I hate clothes. They are evil. Ask my friends. When I am comfortable, I am naked.

Sometimes what others perceive as being a comfortable situation is not. I get asked “Why haven’t you gotten naked yet?” And I have to respond with “Because you feel like it’s appropriate to ask that question.”

You want me to get naked so you can look at me or comment on me. Not so i can be comfortable. You want public nudity so you can enjoy the nudity. Not because you want women to enjoy the right to be equal.

You want the ability to see and look at a woman’s body without having to be involved with them, or having to pay for it.

And that is exactly what we’re fighting against.

You’re not with us, you’re against us.

So please re-think before you reblog or repost an article about “freeing the nips”. Think about your motive behind the post.

Is it because you actually desire for everyone to have the same rights, no matter their sex, gender, race, or body type? Or is it because “Yay Boobies”?

Because if it’s the latter, you’re part of the problem.

Short Tales  - Pants On Fire

At my store, we offer to open any and all of the dildos we have to allow the customer to fully get the scope of the size and feel of the product (In their hand) before purchasing the item.

Awhile back, a young lady brought over one of the realistic UR3 dildos from Doc Johnson. As I pulled it from it's package, I mentioned that it was a "True size 6 inch" and explained that I meant that the length of the actual shaft, from the top of the scrotum to the tip was a full six inches. Not from the back of the scrotum to the tip (which is how most dildos are measured), so that the full 6 inches could be used for penetration. And after fully releasing it from it's box the girl's eyes went wide and she muttered under her breath "Well... every guy I've been with is a liar."

Lubrication 101 - pt.1 "What"

Lube. There’s waaay more to it then you think.

So let’s start by looking at the 4 main types.

Water Based

Lubricant made with water as the main ingredient.

Pros - Compatible with everything. Every toy. Every condom. Digestible in small doses. Cleans up easily with just water Cons - Dries quickly Often leaves a sticky or “tacky” feeling

So what does this mean for you in the bedroom? Water based lube can be used for EVERY type of toy you have, and if you get it in your mouth you’re not poison yourself. It’s easier to clean off of leather products, and only flavored lubricants are going to be waterbased.  It is the all around, multi-use lube. When it doubt about the type of lube to use, always go for something water based.

BUT it’s not great for anal unless you get a lube formulated for that. And the reason is, since it dries faster, you have to keep reapplying it over and over to get that nice think cushion between the skin and toy or other skin. So there ARE waterbased lubes for anal, and they tend to be thicker, or gel like. As for the “sticky” feeling many get from water based lubes, try something that’s Glycerin free and you’ll probably notice that feeling doesn’t happen. Favorite Brands: Wicked, JO, Pink

Silicone Lubricant made with silicone as the main ingredient Pros - Longer lasting with low viscosity Needs soap to wash away so good for play in water Doesn’t absorb into the skin as fast, so makes a better “cushion” Cons -  Only compatible with skin to skin contact or hard surface toys Indigestible or at the least, bad for your stomach Typically harder to wash off Silicone lubricant is amazeballs. It lasts and lasts and lasts and lasts. It stays silky, and pretty much never dries out. And when it does dry, it leaves you feeling silky.

However you can’t use it with gel, pvc, rubber, or silicone toys. This is because silicone tries to bond with other rubbers and eventually will melt your toy.

And now the controversy.

I believe It also causes thinning in Condoms. A lot of lube and condom companies say that silicone and latex are compatible. But almost every person I know who has had sex using a proper amount of silicone lubricant and condoms have experienced breakage or thinning, including myself.

Look go get some silicone lubricant, and a condom. Blow the condom up and then drip the pure silicone lubricant on the blown up condom. It will pop. You don’t want that effect happening during sex.

In the end tho, I’m not a professional on lube. And the professionals typically say it’s ok… so… your choice. Silicone is GREAT for anal tho, because you don’t have to keep reapplying it every little while.

Dimethicone is the ingredient you want to be listed first or second in a silicone lube. That’s essentially the highest quality stuff out there. Silicone is made from sand. Get a low grade silicone lube, or one that lists Dimethicone much further down the list, and you might notice a gritty feeling. Ow. (This could also be why it might pop your condom. When it doubt always go for a higher grand condom and lubricant)

Favorite Brands: ID, JO, Wicked, Uberlube Hybrids

Basically a mix of water based lubricants and silicone based. Still not fully compatible with soft toys or condoms. Hybrids are dumb. They’re harder to wash off then plain water based, and they don’t last as long as pure silicone. So… why? Oil No. Stop. Please. Just. Don’t do this. Don’t put oil inside of your body. That’s… no. It harbors bacteria and it’s almost impossible to clean it all out.

Also anyone using anything with a coconut oil base? Yeah that is NOT compatible with ANYTHING. Surface skin to skin contact only, and don’t put it inside of you. Instant complications and yeast infections.

Ew. Oil tho IS good for massage and for masturbation of a penis variety as long as it is completely washed off before inserting it. But more on that later.

So in conclusion pure water based or silicone based lubricants are best. I believing in having both on hand to allow for all types of play. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Next up “Why” and then last will come a post about some of the fun types of lube and a little more talk about my favorite brands.

Guest Story -

A friend recently shared this story

"So my boyfriend and I like to have a couple beers with dinner each night, but when we get a 6 pack he ends up drinking 4 of them in one night.

Since we’re counting calories and watching our food, I’ve been trying to discourage him from drinking that many beers in a sitting. So I told him to start getting 4 packs.

Tonight he once again bought a 6 pack, but decided to hide two of the beers from himself.

After deliberation he decided to choose a bedside drawer on my side of the bed, with the idea that he would not be able to access it without bothering me.

… It just also happened to be my intimate toy drawer. This new found knowledge did not stop him in his endeavor, so there is now hidden beer alongside my vibrators.”