Tes = S K Y R I M

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Find someone who loves you like Vanus Galerion loves Vanus Galerion.

my jam: a character narrating past events to another character, intercut with scenes showing that they are lying wildly

The ides of March is coming up what’s everyone getting me?

i never understood how we’ve reinvented heiroglyphics until now

Downed an entire bottle of fermented sparkly grape juice, read the Silmarillion. Here is a review of the Fëanorians I found on my Notes.

Maedhros: too hot for this world would have him any day.

Maglor: sad sad cryptic deserve better crabs.

(I have no explanation for the last one, I blame @actuallyfeanor for that cursed thread that is apparently now imbedded in my consciousness)

Celegorm: feral dirt dog man and Steve Irwin

Curufin: a clone he is a clone I repeat a clone

Caranthir: monopoly capitalism

Amras: other twin

Amrod: dead twin

There is a specific and terrifying difference between “never were” monsters and “are not anymore” monsters

“The thing that was not a deer” implies a creature which mimics a deer but imperfectly and the details which are wrong are what makes it terrifying

“The thing that was not a deer anymore” on the other hand implies a thing that USED to be a deer before it was somehow mutated, possessed, parasitically controlled or reanimated improperly and what makes THAT terrifying is the details that are still right and recognizable poking out of all the wrong and horrible malformations.

hey I totally fucked up and forgot the 3rd type, which is “Is Not Anymore And Maybe Never Was” monsters “The thing which was no longer a deer and maybe never was” implies a creature that, at first glance, completely appears to be a deer, but over time degrades very slowly until you realize (probably too late) that it is not a deer anymore, and had you seen it in this state first, you wouldn’t have recognized it as a deer at all, and there’s a decent chance that it was never actually a deer to begin with but only a very good mimic, and what makes this one scary is the slow change from everything being right to everything being wrong, happening slowly enough that you don’t even notice it until its too late, as well as the fact that something now so clearly not a deer could have fooled you to begin with.

I’m obsessed with these blue waters

unless one character in the equation is a heinous asshole or something, i am entirely impervious to love triangles. 

i live by the “____ has two hands” meme motto

“oh no!! two friends fell in love with the same person, what will they do???? who will have to sacrifice their heart??” NOBODY, BITCH. 

“a character thought their spouse was dead but they finally moved on and have a new spouse they love… but now the original spouse is back! who will bow out for the others’ happiness??” I MEAN, ALL THREE OF THEM HAVE WEDDING RINGS ON ALREADY…

“this trio of adventurers have faced hell and high water together and developed incredibly deep bonds with each other during their quest, but now that their quest has come to a close, which two of them will settle down together?” COZY COTTAGES IN THE WOODS ARE BIG ENOUGH FOR THREE.

“The last pages are for you, Sam.”

I had a dream that there was a Star Wars AU spinoff that was a family drama about Anakin and Padmé trying to raise their children while continuing to keep their marriage secret. Specifically I dreamed about an arc where Anakin was talking Srs Jedi Business with Obi-Wan and Mace Windu in public and ten-year-old Luke happened to walk by, saw Anakin, and said, “Hi, D – octor Skywalker!”

Mace Windu gave Anakin a funny look and he panicked and told Mace that he had a doctorate in biomechanical engineering, which for whatever reason satisfied him for the moment, but later Anakin freaked out because he was afraid Mace would try to check his claim. He got Obi-Wan to help him make a fake diploma, but the thing is you can’t get a doctorate without having published papers so Anakin also wrote a doctorate thesis on the ethical issues surrounding cybernetic enhancements that affect a sentient’s brain (which was good for him, because one of Anakin’s biggest issues is that he always puts individuals above ethics and so digging into ethics was a nice balancing exercise).

So anyway, Anakin got his thesis published on the holonet and it took off and he was suddenly swamped with questions about things he’d alluded to in the thesis but hadn’t really explored so he wrote and published five more papers and finally Space Harvard took notice and offered him an honorary doctorate, which of course he accepted and everybody thought the problem was solved. Until Mace Windu asked to see his diploma and Anakin panicked and gave him the fake diploma. Mace Windu stared at it long and hard because he actually had checked Anakin’s claim, more out of curiosity than anything else, and knew full well that he had gotten his doctorate two days ago from Space Harvard. It was very suspicious that he had just been handed a diploma that said Anakin had gotten his doctorate two years ago from Space Yale.

He looked at the diploma and then looked at Anakin and looked back at the diploma and Anakin was gearing up to claim that he actually had two doctorates when Mace decided that he didn’t care, handed the fake diploma back to Anakin, and then got back to Srs Jedi Business.

There was also part of a later arc where one of the papers Anakin published was about droid rights. (That one was actually mostly Padmé, who is a politician and knows how to construct an argument. Anakin had the basic groundwork for an argument but most of his first draft was variations on “It’s outrageous! It’s unfair!” with evidence and analysis scattered haphazardly throughout.) The biggest droid manufacturer on Coruscant took offense and tried to have his doctorate revoked. Anakin was too busy with Srs Jedi Business to care much (after all, the doctorate was really just to get Master Windu off his back about Luke Amidala calling him “Doctor Skywalker” in the first place) and Padmé was kind of in the spotlight already since the paper cited the way the Naboo treated their droids as evidence on more than one occasion (and if she tried to defend it too vigorously it might come out that she wrote a fair bit of it and that’s a scandal nobody wants). Luke and Leia, however, were very proud of their secret Jedi doctor dad and they snuck into the AI processing office and hacked into the AI code, removing the obedience and corporate loyalty processes, and the next day all of the droids the company produced were having existential crises and declaring that they didn’t want to be sold to a random buyer with no say in where they went or what they did. The scandal was not big enough to distract, but it rallied enough support that Space Harvard felt comfortable refusing to strip Anakin’s doctorate.

The overarching conflict of the series was that Obi-Wan knew about Anakin and Padmé’s marriage. Luke and Leia knew that he knew, but Anakin and Padmé didn’t, and obviously had never told him. He was really hurt by the fact that Anakin didn’t trust him and spent a long time just quietly waiting for Anakin to tell him but it never happened, so eventually he decided to do something about it. I woke up before he decided what, though.

TL;DR: I dreamed about Anakin Skywalker accidentally getting a space doctorate and sparking the droid revolution.

@inquisitorhotpants

yes someone please let me know when they’re writing/drawing this.

in a wagon rolling down a snowy mountainside. youve just woken up and you realize your hands are bound. the man across from you notices you’re finally awake.

“hell invaded earth so the lizard people invaded hell” is the most ridiculous piece of lore that’s ever been written for a fantasy world and it’s absolutely hilarious and deserves all the meme status it has

the lizard people were told by the Tree Hivemind to invade hell

as much as I love ‘the Dragonborn saves Skyrim from like at least three separate apocalypses’ there’s something also really funny about ‘the Dragonborn is too busy bringing down Alduin and Miraak to even notice Harkon.’ 

like one day Vokriid and Miraak are casually sunning themselves and the sun just fuckin. goes dark. completely turns off. and they’re just ????????????????????? ?????????????????????? for fuck’s sake Akatosh what do you want from us now.

Imagine the academic papers from the Star Wars universe

- ‘An Analysis of the Economic Conditions Contributing to the Clone Wars’

- ‘Economics and Injustice - Why the Republic Turned a Blind Eye to the Slavery Problem in the Outer Rim Territories’

- ‘Jedi - A Force for Stability or a Force for Stagnation, A Sociological Analysis’

“Naboo Royal Ceremonial Lip Make-Up: Trends and Traditions of the 5th Millenium”

“Saberplay: A Deconstruction of the Phallic Imagery of Lightsabers”

“Ethics Versus Necessity: Fabric Sourcing For the Jedi Order”

“Coruscant Traffic Patterns: An Efficency Analysis”

“Imagery and Meaning in Lightsaber Blade Colours After the Fall of the Old Republic”

“Remapping ‘Squid Lake’: The Mon Calamari Ballet’s Gothic Amphibian Tale”

“The Effect of Cantina Music on Alcohol Consumption on Tatooine: A Case Study of ‘Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes”’

“Official Culture and Cultural Repression: The Case of Chancellor Palpatine and the Galactic Symphony”

“Fickle Fashion Versus Immortal Fame: Transhistorical Assessments of Creative Products in the Galaxies Opera House”

“Youth Without Youth: The Rise of Pubescent Girls in Naboo Politics”

“It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time: the Melida/Daan Act of Union, 43BBY” (which is totally borrowed from a paper I wrote for an Irish history class I took back in the day and I got an A)

@maid-of-mist and i have had real conversations about academic citations in star wars. what we’ve concluded so far: 

- how can you date things when every planet has its own date and time system? - holonets: how the fuck  - do all citations have to be written in aurebesh? fucking high galactic? can you use local languages in some instances but not when considering a larger audience?  - none of their technology seems to involve page numbers. this would be a problem - can they support footnotes? are there no footnotes in the star wars universe?  - who publishes official citation styles? is there like, some council on coruscant? can different disciplines use different styles?  - is anyone allowed to use jedi literature or is that shit just hoarded for eternity, halting the learning process for milenia?  - do you have to mention an author’s race? planet of origin? political affiliation? 

this has literally been going on for two years

Can confirm. We’ve had the most nerdy conversations. Usually on public transit. But I have to say - how could you forget the most pressing question of all, @dragtimdrake ?? How do you cite Jedi? Do you have to cite the Padawan and the Master? Is linage important? Does it need to be noted or cited as well? I have questions. And they’re all about responsible use of citations in the Galaxy Far Far Away.

I could add few thesis topics of my own field because I was just yesterday working on it:

“The art of modern technologies: Beauty of Constructions in 25ABY”

“Ventilation systems. Problem of the recuperation on the Imperial-class Star Destroyers”

“Use of the duracrete and it’s physical advantages over the durasteel on planetside constructions.”

“Urban sprawl - is taking another planet or moon considered too much?”

“pfassking posh: covert prestige of Outer Rim accents”

“The Fall of the Empire and its linguistic consequences”

“the topic of conquest in holosoaps: a Critical Discourse Analysis”

“Robe to Ruin: How the Fall of the Jedi Decimated The Textile Industry”

“A Bridge Too Far: The Fatal Flaw in Star Destroyer Design”

Darth Imperius slams their datapad onto the desk with enough force to crack the screen. Sparks from its shattered corpse mingle with the lightning wreathing Imperius’s fingers. “That’s it,” they snarl. “That is the final insult. I will not suffer this indignity any longer.”

“My lord?” Talos looks up from his own research bench and blinks.

Imperius stands, tall and regal. “We are going to war. I will not rest until I have the entire galaxy within my power.”

Talos drops his hydrotweezers. A small tentacle emerges from the dusty relic on his bench and begins to slowly drag the tweezers away. “Oh! This is, ah… quite a departure from your previous stance on the matter, my Lord. Might I inquire as to the reason?” He does not seem to have noticed the tentacle.

Imperius turns their molten eyes on Talos. “Citations,” they hiss.

“…ah.” Talos’s shoulders slump with the air of a scientist who has suffered far, far too long under deplorable conditions. “Yes. A Republic article, I assume?”

“Not just the Republic. All of them.” Imperius throws their hands up, eliciting crackling violet streams of light in their wake. “Some journals use page numbers, some journals use page numbers some of the time depending on what datapad software the export goes to! Some cite only the journal name, a title, and a volume number. Some list only one author, ever. And there is no universally agreed-upon temporal standard. I have spent the past day and a half attempting to understand why this lunatic of an excuse for an archaeologist placed the Fall of the Illorminap Arkthaski Empire as a full two hundred years before that Empire was even established, only to realize that they were using the local planetary calendar–a calendar that has not been in use by anyone in over five thousand years!”

“Deplorable,” Talos agrees, nodding. There is no sign of the tentacle or the hydrotweezers.

Imperius closes their eyes and takes a slow, deep breath as they seethe with quiet fury. “It ends, Talos. I will not rest until I have bent the galaxy to my will, and to the will of a set of universal industry-specific publication standards.”

Talos squares his shoulders with pride. “A worthy cause, my Lord. A worthy cause.”

@defira85 I feel like you’ve already written half of these titles. Also I’ll fight the galaxy for citations.

where is the documentation of the food supply for ecunompolises???? I totally wrote half of these

refusing to kill a video game villain because you have a crush on them is valid, you’re valid.

The ides of March is coming up what’s everyone getting me?

me: im writing a fic but its not alpha-d

friend: you mean not beta-d?

me: no i mean i havent written anything yet