Land of Pillows and Moons

mark of betrayal..

salt in the wound

Your blorbo is he... [RESIDENT ALIEN EDITION]

New fear unlocked for Masterchef contestants:

When the Chocolate Guy (Amaury Guichon) sets the challenge!

I recognize that this is MASTERchef, so the contestants, especially this far in, are actually very good chefs but Amaury really woke up and chose violence huh.

Chocolate man went for their fucking throats omg

the whole damn thing was a draw

somehow despite his swiss heritage, this man chose murder, and the execution was public

Those replicas are so sad, I feel bad for the contestants. But it tells us what level Chocolate Man operates on.

vote now on your phones

I love this more than words can describe

When you're unsuccessfully looking for something and start gradually increasing your It Could Be There range. Like yeah sure maybe the rice cooker pot is in the freezer, idk

you may not know it, but this is what peak heterosexuality looks like

It hurts to see someone else living your dream

Lord, I see what you have done for others...

I'd say this is an anomaly but seriously roos are sometimes nosy and just need to be in your business, OR they will fight you if you look at them funny. I love them, they're great, but they make little sense.

The fucking horror I felt in my soul of the 3 seconds it took to try to and work out what the fuck this animal was

I was thinking "nah, why would they? not the right vibe" and was going to just assume the answer was no, but...

...I was very surprised to learn that in fact, they did. (close by, that is)

A hiker, clearly shaken, enters a remote English village pub, his clothes all torn and he's full of scratches. 

"You won't believe this," he says to the bartender. "I was attacked by a leopard!"

"Really?"

"Yes! A leopard! In England!" The hiker sits down and orders the strongest liquor they've got. "I tried to run, but it was if course much faster than me."

The hiker gets his glass, empties it, and asks for another. "It sent me to the ground with a mighty push from its paws, but weirdly enough it then just gave me a really sad look and left."

"Ah, you met Father Andrews," the bartender says, matter-of-factly.

"What do you mean?" asks the tourist, confused.

"Father Andrews was our priest. A truly kind-hearted man, loved by all. His only goal in life was to serve his congregation as well as he could. So when he one day found a lamp with a genie, his very first wish was to be a loving shepherd to the community."

"That's nice "

"Absolutely, if only he hadn't been so prone to spoonerisms."

the notes are broken 😂

Reblogging partly for awesome computer shortcuts, and partly because I wish to once again take part in a Post That Broke The Notes. 

WAH

How???

what is Going On Here

please don't reblog this post a devilish temptress tricked me into making it and she placed a hex upon it so that every reblog removes a molecule from my body

I think we can do it.

Posts that have 2x10^25 notes to me.

#we’re not even close to destroying a single cell#sunlight probably does more damage to op every day than we’ve done collectively as a site

We gotta work harder!!

me every time i spend over $50 on something, no matter how worthy of my money it is: oh god. what have i done. what have i just done. what have i

i need people do do me a favor and be absolutely normal about it

i have a completely normal coworker who does music and stuff and its good music and i want to send my army of followers to his video on yt and just +like it or something. something to boost him in the algorithm

the issue is no one can let him know this second life i live on the internet because if he finds out i have 25k followers on tumblr or 10k on twitter etc then the questions will flow and i will not be prepared for the conversation about werewolves that follows

Ok heres the video, just +like it and if you want to comment just say you're from reddit or facebook or somewhere

If someone DOES want to share it to reddit that'd be awesome and I'd love you but I dont have an active account there

Over 1k notes come on yall, sharing the post is cool but let's get those views up!

i need people do do me a favor and be absolutely normal about it

i have a completely normal coworker who does music and stuff and its good music and i want to send my army of followers to his video on yt and just +like it or something. something to boost him in the algorithm

the issue is no one can let him know this second life i live on the internet because if he finds out i have 25k followers on tumblr or 10k on twitter etc then the questions will flow and i will not be prepared for the conversation about werewolves that follows

Ok heres the video, just +like it and if you want to comment just say you're from reddit or facebook or somewhere

If someone DOES want to share it to reddit that'd be awesome and I'd love you but I dont have an active account there

Over 1k notes come on yall, sharing the post is cool but let's get those views up!

she tower on my babel till I ἐπιούσιον

#ἐπιούσιον is a word that’s only ever used in the Lord’s prayer#with extreme controversy surrounding its translation#i suspect the joke here is that this post forces the reader to do a bunch of linguistic research#only to not come up with a conclusive answer#mimicking the experiences of those who built the tower of babel#this has been another installment of overexplaining jokes until theyre not funny anymore with autistics via @exbeekeeper​

ok but you just saved my ass 30 minutes of research by explaining the joke and now i can laugh at it sooner you didn't make it not funny you made it funny faster

Get in the normal and functioning spaceship.

#derin I'm finally doing it#I'm getting on your spaceship

YEEEAH

FUCK nobody blogged about ttou in a few weeks and i forgot it exists

The perils of the readerbase having ADHD