¯\_(ツ)_/¯

sext: shit sorry i fell asleep

People falling for Clickhole is even funnier than people falling for the Onion becuase Clickhole doesn’t even ATTEMPT to sound convincing like the Onion does.

Clickhole liked the tweet

The scene in Shrek 2 when the Fairy Godmother sings I need a Hero when the giant gingerbread man attacks the castle is still the greatest scene in cinema of all times

of course the first ever sin was a woman eating

I was high off my ass last night and had this dream where I was in this dense ass forest and sitting there was a tall woman. She was so tall I couldn’t see her face but she was wearing gold and I was like “uh...hi?” And she said “I made you, do you know that?” And I nodded and she was like “I hear your thoughts. Why do you hate my creation? Why do you try to destroy yourself? I made you perfect as you are. Please don’t break my heart”. Then she started crying and it flooded and I woke up with fucking heart palpitations like what does it Mean™️????

kfkfdjd

blessed rescue

Me as that Uber driver:

I’m both pro herbal medicine and pro vaccination because you can treat burns with aloe vera juice and sore throats with lavender infused honey but you can’t rid a country of polio with plants. 

THIS.

Don’t forget kids, jewelweed is a natural counteragent to poison ivy rashes but it won’t do shit against whooping cough

Mint for nausea, valerian and chamomile for sleep, antibiotics for fucking infections.

I’m in love with this post

doctor: i’m sorry to tell you but your condition is chronic

me: you sellin chronic? 👀

doctor: please sir, you are really sick

me: haha thanks dude

a lot of you seem kinda dumb so i assume you’re a younger sibiling