I’m so disgusting. I don’t feel anymore and I almost don’t want to feel anymore. I don’t know how to give emotions to someone anymore I don’t even want to be physical with any person anymore. And at the same time, I’m not sad, but I’m also not “happy “ I feel like this year has changed me more then anything in my whole life. When I look back at what I use to cry about, it was almost meaningless... like I can’t believe how selfish I was with my feelings. Getting sad over some stupid boy in the 10th grade? That’s fucken nothing. The fear of being alone is scary.. but if it happens then so what? No one has hurt. No one died... I think of all the friends and bonds I’ve lost recently and it hurts. But it’s my own doing, and to be honest it’s probably for the better. I wish I could go back to when I was “sad” and tell myself this is nothing to cry about, this isn’t true pain. And maybe the pain I’m feeling now is not as bad as when it started... but it lingers with in me. Time heals all. I know I may never get over this year, but I will learn to deal with it, and deal with what my life has become. None of this makes sense. But writing this made me feel just a tad bit better