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"Know thy self." Socrates

@pantasticpolygoat / pantasticpolygoat.tumblr.com

Hi
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So tonight I joined my parents, and the neighbours, at the local pub quiz. We won, and won the bonus round, much to the annoyance of the other teams. Apparently my parents and their friends win every other week. Nerds. So to prank them the landlord had a special “Super Hard Pub Question” for us for double or nothing on our prize (vouchers for a gallon of beer) to let the rest of the pub feel better because we were “guaranteed to lose” since there was “no way we could know the answer.” I got picked to answer it because I’m the youngest and have less General Knowledge.

The question?

“What is the word for beer in Ancient Egyptian?”

Pub: *loud raucous laughter and cheering*

Landlord: *looks smug*

Me: Do you want that in English or in the original Hieroglyphs?

Landlord: The hieroglyphs of course!

Pub: *more laughter*

Me: *scribbles quickly in the 10 seconds I had to answer*

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Landlord: Fuck. Me. 

Pub: *utter silence broken only by someone at the back exclaiming WTF* 

Landlord: How did you even know that?

Me: You picked the one person here who can read them?

Landlord: Oh shit it’s you isn’t it?

Dad yelling from the back: SURPRISEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

It’s safe to say we’re simultaneously fucking legends/not very popular at the local right now.

This is my new favorite post.

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camberdraws

The ink bottle lying on your desk... begins to crawl away..???

@quiddie snail ink demon??!?

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thegodthief

An old bottle of shimmery black ink that is still liquid after all these years. The glass jar collector found it at an estate sale for a dollar. He brings it home and consigns himself to spending the afternoon rinsing the obviously dried ink out but when he tries to pull the cork out, it's so tight that he fumbles it and drops the jar.

To his surprise, instead of ink splurting out everywhere, a blob oozes out of the jar, spreads slightly, and then pulls the old jar over itself and starts wandering across his desk.

He is too shocked to say anything, too shocked to be afraid.

The ink creature encounters the collector's journal and wiggles itself in glee. As it moves across the page, it aligns itself with the lines on the paper. In the ink trail it leaves behind, the collector starts to recognize words.

"It is time to write. I can help you."

The creature, looking like a snail made with the darkest part of the midnight sky stopped and turned its front portion towards the collector. Something like two eyestalks emerged and pointed up before pointing at the pen lying in the crease of the book.

"Wha... How?" The collector finds his breath but his words still eludes him.

The creature moves across the next line on the page, leaving behind more words in its trail. "You will need an iron nib for a bone stylus to use my ink."

This entire matter reminded the collector of some stories he has read. He thinks he's prepared to defend himself. "And if I agree, what do you want from me in return?"

The creature moved over several lines. "A plate covered in lampblack upon which for me to rest. A thimble of vinegar from which I will drink. A commitment from you that you will write often."

The collector regarded the words he read carefully, and the words he was about to say twice as carefully. "You are a summoned spirit, or demon, I guess. In all the stories I have read about such things, blood is involved. Why haven't you asked for that?"

The creature made one last slow crawl across the page. "Because as a writer, blood is what you will pay the page." The creature withdrew itself into the small jar as a snail would into its shell until it appeared like a small glass jar of dried up ink resting upside down on the open journal.

The collector picked it up and saw the mark the creature left behind on the page. The circular rim of the jar had left a perfect circle of ink and inside of it was something the collector had only heard about in stories.

The ink demon's seal shimmered as if the stars of the midnight sky had been ground into the black ink. All the collector had to do was to trace it, and his new friend would come to help him.

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redstonedust

randomly remembering the time in 2012 when everyone kept saying the world was going to end at midday that day and like, i didnt really believe it, but i didnt want to be a complete fool if i was wrong, so i excused myself from class to go sit the field and perfectly timed the beat drop to a skrillex song just in case something happened. and im just. retroactively amused by the idea of ushering in the appocalypse with skrillex. most 2012 thing you could possibly do.

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if you want to actually start to end homelessness, you need to give homeless people unconditional homes, including when we use them to do drugs or sit around drinking. either housing is unconditional or it isn’t

someone sitting at home alone, an active alcoholic, squandering your charity, drinking all day is better situation than a street homeless alcoholic. someone using drugs in your charity house is better than them doing the same w no shelter

most of you would not like most street homeless people, I definitely don’t and didn’t when I was street homeless. for every one person who uses unconditional shelter to turn themselves around, someone else will do jack shit and very slowly, if ever, work through the issues that made them homeless, will maybe never be able to live independently. still better than street homelessness, still worth doing. ultimately either you believe that shelter should be universal or you don’t

homeless people actually can’t be rehabilitated if you want to end homelessness. we either affirm the right to shelter for the worst drunken, lying, filthy, cheating, self destructive homeless people that exist, genuinely irredeemable wankers, or we concede that shelter is not a right

This post is the distilled essence of everything I believe in.

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