Do y'all remember when Patton pulled the ultimate "I know my kids" momentand silenced the entire room with four objects?



Because that is a power move I admire to this day

My aesthetic: when you take off your glasses on a highway and all the lights go soft and smudged, a trail of amber behind you like a quiet afterthought

My aesthetic: keeping my own glasses on so I can see the road and not die

Im so sorry youve been trapped in the passenger seat all these years Yellow.

GOD PLEASE LET ME OUT I MISS MY FAMILY

tbh the best way that i explain to other people what it feels like to live with an anxiety disorder is the one time when i had to get a fingerprint and background check done for a job and i, someone who has never received so much as a speeding ticket my whole life, spent thirty minutes panicking that i would fail because i might secretly be a criminal and have no idea 

my solution to a terrible party is making grilled cheese. i was at this awful party one time so i went to the kitchen and just started grilling cheeses and everybody at the party was like “check it out this guy is grilling cheese” and i made everybody a grilled cheese. the party was good after that

this is the most casual post i’ve made ever so why is it being treated like a scorching hot take and also why am i seeing this on my dash

You just taught several thousand introverts how to deal with being stuck at a party AND get to eat a fresh grilled cheese AND feel appreciated by numerous others in the process.

Truly, you are a god amongst fish.

Story Time:

"So, today I was running around the desert with Varian, pretty normal stuff. You know, just a regular date in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by legions of hostile creatures. And then..."

"... I noticed SOMETHING that wasn't there before, so I decided to take a closer look."

"I... I had many questions. What the heck is this? Who put this here? What is its purpose? Is it sentient?? Does it bite???"

"Ultimately, I decided that it posed no threat. I even wanted to adopt it, and named it 'Bob the Floaty-Ethereal-Blade-Thingy' but Varian only gave me a concerned look and said we cannot have another pet... bluh. I can never have it my way..."

~S.

*looking in a mirror trying to practice self-love* ur doing great u stupid bitch

“Years ago a friend of mine had a dream about a strange invention; a staircase you could descend deep underground, in which you heard recordings of all the things anyone had ever said about you, both good and bad. The catch was, you had to pass through all the worst things people had said before you could get to the highest compliments at the very bottom. There is no way I would ever make it more than two and a half steps down such a staircase, but I understand its terrible logic: if we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known.”

— I Know What You Think of Me, Tim Kreider for the New York Times

after YEARS of seeing this quote online and finding it to be the most deeply and resoundingly profound writing i finally found the source article and absolutely nothing could prepare me for this opening paragraph

[ID: An excerpt from the beginning of the linked article, “I Know What You Think of Me” by Tim Kreider:

End of excerpt. The sentence about having rented a herd of goats (and it was good) is highlighted in blue. /end ID]

guess who ingested some foreign objects!

also he has now been officially weighed and he clocks in at a whole 7 pounds. (hes not malnourished hes just leetle)

bastard man ate some rubber bands

hi im sorry but “patient: the void” is the greatest string of letters ever created

ikr, I died when my mom sent me that picture

wow okay this got a lot of notes overnight

yes my cats name is The Void and for good reason because most of the pictures we try to take of him end up like this

and yes he is in that last picture ^^ youre gonna need to jack the screen brightness up to find him

or alternatively:

mr. void, would you like to meet the abyss?

twin agents of darkness

This is so cute.

To pet this cat to first have to sign a statement saying you are not Anish Kapoor.

my favorite trope is the thing star trek does where when a character lists something and they’ll list real things/people but add 1 thats fictional, like “great writers such as shakespeare, robert frost, edgar allan poe and zaxar the giant rat man“

Idk anything about Star Trek and this trope is absolutely hilarious but I’m also a big fan of the opposite of this trope, where the character is listing things that aren’t real but they’ll add 1 thing that’s real at the end

is there any temptation greater than being in the hardware store and seeing the place where they have all the little cards for the colours

as someone who works in the paint department of a hardware store i just wanna say that you are absolutely allowed (and ENCOURAGED!) to grab as many cards off the rack as you want so long as you don’t take more than one or two of each colour (they are free for customers but the store only gets so many at a time so please don’t just walk off with our ENTIRE supply of SW 7587 Antique Red cards)

That’s too specific. Have people been stealing the SW 7587 Antique Red cards in droves lately?

legally i am not allowed to comment

No one knows the future. For today — just today — let’s not worry about tomorrow.

Rating the gw2 mounts by their backwards walk animations:

Roman: When have I ever done anything rash or irresponsible?

Logan: I keep a list. It’s alphabetized.

Marks and Rec: Misc #1687

(Dialogue from Angel.)

six silly sides