Twitter is a shit show and I guess I’ll start my bull shit here.

I haven’t posted anything in a while. Today I felt like I needed to get my thoughts out. I fucking hate this whole pandemic situation. I’m unhappy not having the opportunity to go places and distract myself. Don’t get me wrong, I have my hobbies and people I can keep in touch with, people I share my life with. I’m just tired of not being able to fulfill my sense of adventure. I’m grateful for my job but I feel stagnant at times. I need to get out more and I can do it, but I don’t want to be alone when I leave the house.

I’m not sure if cutting people out fixes anything. I saw a quote that said something along the lines of “If their absence brings you peace, you never lost anything”. People always turn out to pop up again at some point. Bless the internet...

I’m not sure how I should feel about some things now a days. I’m not happy about it yet I’m not exactly phased by what I just heard today.

I feel like a failure

I don't like to disappoint, I want to give everyone the best. It makes me sad that I can't always give 100%. I'm so worked up over a stupid hotel. The fact that I don't have the proper funds to be able to spoil my wife. I want to give her everything. We have our priorities but at the same time I want to be able to say yes to everything. I don't want to go a day where we have to think about how much we should or shouldn't spend.

I came to a point where I realized I made more mistakes than improve anything. I’ve let my own anger and selfishness get the best of me and I’m here without anyone to actually talk to or acquaint myself with because of how I’ve been. I only have my wonderful wife to thank and always being there for me because without her, I would truly be alone. I’m working a lot and I’m doing my best to stay positive and I’ve been keeping myself consistent. But I feel that I’m a point where I don’t know what really inspires me and gives me the drive to better myself. I’m in the real world now and I can’t accept the fact that my paycheck isn’t going to get bigger by simply doing better. I don’t know what happened to that drive I used to have so long ago. I miss having close friends, people I can relate to and play video games with. I burned bridges because I chose to be mad rather than fix things. I’ve been feeling more tired lately too, but it’s not going to keep me from my responsibilities. I’m judge-mental, I look for things to upset me and I’m tired of it. I’m not a saint.

Again I thank my wife for always being there for me. I wouldn’t be anything without her.