fairytale mind

hi i'm having a REALLY bad day can you cheer me up please? ily

AIGHT LISTEN UP ANON, BECAUSE I’M ABOUT TO TELL YOU ABOUT TREES

AND RIGHT NOW YOU’RE PROBABLY THINKING “TREES? WTF HOW IS THAT GOING TO HELP ME THEY DON’T EVEN HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME ABOUT TREES TAYLOR?”

AND THE ANSWER IS: BECAUSE TREES ARE FUCKING AWESOME

SEE THIS TREE RIGHT HERE???

THAT’S A FUCKING BRISTLECONE PINE TREE. THESE MOTHERFUCKERS ARE SO DAMN AWESOME BECAUSE THEY LIVE TO BE OVER 5000 YEARS OLD. YEAH, YOU HEARD ME. 5 FUCKING THOUSAND YEARS OLD. THESE PLANTS ARE OLDER THAN THE PYRAMIDS AT GIZA. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW FUCKING METAL THAT IS? IT’S HELLA FUCKING METAL, THAT’S HOW FUCKING METAL IT IS

LOOK AT THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE:

THAT IS A FUCKING REDWOOD TREE. NOT ONLY DO THESE GIANTS ALSO LIVE TO BE THOUSANDS OF YEARS OLD, BUT THEY’RE THE BIGGEST DAMN TREES ON THE GOOD GREEN PLANET. THE TALLEST TREE IN THE WORLD IS A REDWOOD BY THE NAME OF HYPERION. YEAH, THAT’S RIGHT. A TREE THAT’S SO DAMN AWESOME THEY NAMED IT AFTER A GREEK TITAN. HOW TALL IS IT?? 379.7 FEET, OR 115.7 METERS. LEMME GIVE YOU SOME COMPARISION: THE STATUE OF LIBERTY IS ONLY 305 FEET TALL. THERE ARE FUCKING TREES TALLER THAN THE STATUE OF LIBERTY.

NOT COOL ENOUGH FOR YOU???? CHECK OUT THE MOTHERFUCKING QUAKING ASPEN.

WHAT’S SO SPECIAL ABOUT THIS DECIDUOUS PLANT???? QUAKING ASPEN ARE CLONAL ORGANISMS, MEANING THEY’RE ALL IDENTICAL AND THEY ALL STEM FROM THE SAME ROOT STRUCTURE (IN A PARTICULAR COLONY). THIS IN TURN MEANS THAT THE ENTIRE COLONY OF QUAKING ASPEN IS ONE SINGLE LIVING THING. AN ENTIRE DAMN FOREST IS ONE LIVING THING. HOW FUCKING AWESOME IS THAT!?!!!??  THE COOLEST PART THOUGH IS THAT THERE IS ONE COLONY OF QUAKING ASPEN NAMED PANDO. PANDO IS HELLA COOL BECAUSE IT’S ALSO THE HEAVIEST LIVING ORGANISM ON RECORD AT AN ESTIMATED 6,000,000KG OR OVER 13,200,000LBS. ALSO,PANDO IS ANYWHERE BETWEEN AN ESTIMATED 80,000 - 1,000,000 YEARS OLD. HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT.

LOOK AT THAT HELLA COOL TREE EDUCATION THAT YOU JUST GOT. ISN’T THAT FUCKING AWESOME??? AREN’T TREES FUCKING AWESOME???? ANYTIME YOU’RE SAD, ANON, THINK ABOUT TREES. TREES ARE SO FUCKING METAL. IF THEY COULD TALK I BET THEY’D SAY YOU’RE HELLA FUCKING METAL TOO!