heatherrelizabethh The messages are going to trickle out. But you’re still here with me. And I’m not done remembering your legacy. You would tell me “you look so skinny” EVERY TIME you saw me and it made me giggle slash I loved it and when I told you how it made me feel...you said “well I’d always like to hear that I look skinny so I make sure to make others feel good like that.” We had a play date in the works for this week and I can’t wait for it to be over so I can stop thinking about how I missed our chance to be together. I fucking loved how you drank martini’s and no one would know you smoked cuz you were a mastermind at hiding it. I’m doing something everyday to honor your strength and it helps me to feel close to you. I love you Nay

no matter how much we all shit on the show, glee played such a huge part in so many of our teenage years. i know, personally, i cried so much when i heard the news about cory back in 2013. losing naya 7 years later, AND on the anniversary of cory’s death, hurts so fucking much.. i’m in literal shock. 

I’m writing this post laying next to my sleeping girlfriend and my dog, living happily and comfortably as an out gay woman.

Back when I started this blog, I was none of those things.

It was only 2012 when I was laying next to the same girl, so scared of myself and truly acting on my sexuality that I slept as far away from her as I possibly could and snuck on the livestream of the Valentines Day episode of Glee to watch Brittana’s big moment instead of actually engaging with another human being.

Naya Rivera, be it through Santana or through the work she did in interviews or the way she spoke about the community that her character represented, genuinely changed my life. She was there for me during my formative years, when all I had to turn to was media, because real life wasn’t telling me much of anything about how to negotiate being gay and happy at the same time. From the age of 15, day in day out for years, she was there. Her character was telling me that it was possible to live happily this way, and Naya herself was telling me that I deserved love and respect and that I was seen.

It’s a hard thing to understand to mourn someone you’ve never met, but my younger self is so emotionally connected to her, and my older self is so thankful, that I feel the loss deeply.

She helped change my life and so many other peoples, and I will personally be forever thankful. I hope she knew how much she meant to so many.

we used to be glee blogs

i hope you’re taking care of yourself and loving the people in your life. be gentle to each other

may naya’s memory be a blessing

so.

i don’t even know how to begin.

glee meant so much to me, and then nothing, and these days it’s somewhere in the middle, but none of that ever touched the place santana lopez has in my heart, and by extension the person who brought her to life. how could it, when you grow around a thing. it’s there forever.

no one who has come into themselves after glee will ever understand what a true precipice naya stood on with santana. how could they, when everything that came after was so much for the better because she went first, and it was for keeps.

she did that. thank you, naya.

it’s a strange sort of mourning for somebody you haven’t met, but still has had an infinitely profound impact on your life.

naya is in all of us and in every way she touched our hearts

look, we give glee so much bullshit bc it turned into over-the-top farcical nonsense but the fact of the matter is that for three days all over social media i have seen hundreds and hundreds of young women talking about how watching santana lopez be out and proud on glee was a formative part of coming to terms with their sexuality. there’s an entire generation of women who watched and who felt comforted by this character and felt as though maybe they, too, could be happy and gay. 

santana did that. 

naya did that. 

My heart goes out to her family members and friends in their grief.

My heart also goes out to anyone for whom her art and advocacy have been important.

She helped to tell a story that mattered profoundly to many people—that changed, bettered, and, in some cases, even saved lives. Her respect for the real community whom Santana and Brittana represented never wavered. She was generous with her voice, her time, and her talents. She went out of her way to make her fans feel valued and seen.

Her life’s work made a difference.

There is more love and compassion in the world because of her. 

Thank you, Captain, for everything. There is so much love here for you. Always.

IN MEMORY OF NAYA RIVERA

Naya Rivera was a mom, a sister, a daughter. She was an actress, a singer, a writer, a model. She was a latina woman who went through a lot in this life. She was always vocal and open about important issues such as homophobia, racism, toxic relationships, sexism, motherhood, abortion. Her character in Glee was probably one of the most influential and important representations for the LGBTQ+ community and she always talked about how Santana was important for young LGBT people and how proud she was for being able to represent something good. If Santana ever helped you, Naya was so proud of that and of you. She changed lives.

Thank you, Naya. You’ll be remembered and missed. 

Okay I lied about that last post being my last post. It's eating me alive, and I need to let it all out here, because where else would I? This will undoubtedly be verbose word vomit, and yet, I guarantee these words still won't be enough.

I loved Naya Rivera an aggressive amount, this is no secret around this place. I obsessed over her in a way that's almost too embarrassing to discuss. While all my friends were out living it up in college, I was rushing home to my laptop, watching interview after interview, listening to songs, ogling over photoshoots, making low quality gifs and videos and screaming with my online friends. But for a very lonely, lost, depressed girl in her early 20s, desperate to connect to something, she was someone I latched onto. She was exactly what I needed when I needed it. There will never be another person I feel that way about. I had about 12 URLs saved that all related to her: nayas-upperlip, nayasclavicles, nayasmandible, nayas-lefteye all come to mind. Again, this is clearly ridiculous and insanely embarrassing to think about now, but it was real at the time. Her talent was unmatched, the way she could sing any song with her soulful tone and bring it to life. Her acting ability, starting when she was just a toddler, the way she could effortlessly go between delivering a bitchy one liner to tearfully pouring her heart out with such vulnerability. She moved every person that was lucky enough to witness it. Her beauty...God her beauty. I'll never have a bigger crush in my life. Her tender love and care with Santana's storyline was beyond inspirational for so many of us. Hearing everyone's stories the past couple of days has been eye opening. She did for so many exactly what she did for me. It affected girls, boys, young and old. That storyline didn't have to happen, she didn't have to fight for it, but she did that for us. She could have remained a bitchy, one dimensional, boy-crazed cheerleader who hooks up with her friend as a joke. But she knew it wasn't a joke to people. And doing this on a primetime hit television series? That was huge. She made sure that the masses saw it, at a time it just wasn't a thing. With the way in which she talked about the LGBTQ community, you could tell she just understood. She fully embraced this role, and she fully embraced us. Hearing all of her friends and cast mates share their stories about her has been both painful and heartwarming. They all adored her and spoke of her kindness and quick wit. She accepted everyone into her circle, it didn't matter who they were. It feels nice to know that someone you so admired was indeed just as good of a person as you imagined they were.

It was like she was the object of my 2nd grade little boy affection, and perhaps it was because during my coming out phase, I felt like a child starting life over again. I picked on her. A lot. Some would visit my blog and be confused. "Sooo...do you love her or do you hate her?" I often called her a dumb bitch, a whore, keysmashed about how awful she looked, said "I fucking hate you," teased her about her relationships and how she looked like a terrible kisser, the list goes on and on and on. I created "SHEFNRS" which was the Second Hand Embarrassment For Naya Rivera Society, where I called out every embarrassing moment from her life, whether it be a childhood modeling gig, cringey lines she said on The Bernie Mac Show or talking about her dumb tattoo. All because I loved her an aggressive amount, like that 2nd grade boy on the playground. When I was lucky enough to meet her in person, I walked up confidently and said, "Hey, Nay Nay Rivers," one of her many nicknames. She turned to Cory like, "Did you hear this??" and laughed her belly laugh, you know the one. I'm pretty sure I blacked out after that.

I could never repay her for what she's done for me, for a girl who, like Santana Lopez, hated herself and hated the world. The character she portrayed helped me be brave, to better love myself and helped me connect to so many amazing people all over the world, some I hope to keep in my life forever. No one on the outside of this thing will ever understand our love for her. But that's okay. They don't have to.

And while she was a big part of our lives, she was everything to her family and friends. My heart is with all of them right now, especially her son who was her world. It was a beautiful thing watching her become a mother, to see her face light up when she talked about him. I hope Josey will come to learn what a huge impact she had on this world. She will live on in all of us.

This still doesn't feel real, and it's all very hard to process and make any sense of considering the horrific circumstances, but we must take comfort in knowing she changed this world for the better. She was here for a reason.

Rest up, Nay Nay. Thank you for everything. We won't stop honoring you.

my heart is broken. thank you for everything. may you rest in peace...

RE: Naya Rivera

I’ve seen a lot of people be told off for expressing their feelings over this situation by contextualising their sadness through how much the character, Santana Lopez, meant to them.

Naya Rivera is beloved by the LGBTQ* community, a longstanding ally who never dropped the ball, who showed up for us time and time again, who pushed tirelessly behind the scenes for Santana Lopez to have meaningful storylines rather than just flippant derogatory jokes about her homosexuality. 

Naya saw us during a time when nobody saw us, and we saw Naya during a time we had never before seen ourselves depicted on television living full happy lives. The last few days I have been reminded of her kindness and utter humility, whenever she was commended for her contribution towards the progression of LGBTQ* representation on television she never failed to acknowledge the community:

“It has been one of the great blessings in my life to receive such love and touching stories as a result of my portrayal of Santana Lopez on Glee. We are all put on this earth to be a service to others and I am grateful that for some, my Cheerios ponytail and sassy sashays may have given a little light to someone somewhere, who may have needed it. To everyone whose heartfelt stories I have heard or read, I thank you for truly enriching my life.” – Naya Rivera, 2017.

When I saw the headlines I felt instantly transported to being sixteen years old again, to the incredible impact this woman had on my life, and for the first time in longer than I care to admit I shed a tear and hoped for a miracle. Now, I hope for her to find her way home in the most respectful and dignified way possible.

Please, if you see people expressing their sadness or feelings by referencing Santana Lopez, don’t assume it’s virtue signalling or shallow commentary. We understand she was a real human, and I know for me personally it’s because of her humanity and generous kindness to my community that I feel personally touched and saddened by this tragedy.

Thank you, Naya. You didn’t let them make us the butt of the joke, instead you opened the door so we could laugh and share in just a little bit of the glee too.

gays rb this with ur favorite way to sit wrong in a chair