Local Gifts I Love to Give

It's no secret that I love local & love a good story. Inspired by Matt Corker's list of 10 gifts he loves to give, here are a few local companies & entrepreneurs that make my go-to gift goodies.

disclosure: many of these wonderful people I also call good friends. I suspect once you meet them, so will you...

A dive into designing your most desired life.

the goodie: The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte.

Going through this beautiful book and exercise will not only open you up to a space of inspiration and joy, but also help answer the question of "how do you want to feel today?", and then design your life around that.

Treat your taste buds.

the goodie: Vancouver Farmer's Market tokens

I LOVE food. It's my language of love, my creative outlet. Hosting dinner parties makes my heart happy. When I can source all the food from local, organic farmers, I am even happier. The Winter market is going on now at Nat Bailey Stadium. Head on over, treat yourself to a delicious food truck lunch, and grab some tokens to gift (they work basically as cash/gift cards). Some of my fav vendors:

The gift of beauty.

To quench your thirst.

Growing Pains

In the past 2 weeks I have had a few challenging conversations. Some of them left me feeling free and light, and some of them left me felling icky and wanting nothing more than to to curl up into the fetal position on my couch.

Each of these conversations circled around a common theme: growth. The evolution & growth of an organization, the changing base & growth of a friendship, and the definition & growth of my own values and beliefs.

This past year has been pushing me to grow, and I know many of my friends are going through similar times. I now compare this experience to our growing experiences we face as youth. In our teenage and childhood years, we went through physical growing pains as our bodies transformed to become a "grown-up".

Now, in my mid-twenties, I feel like I am going through another period of growing pains: this time, emotional and spiritual, from deeper within. We are going through internal growing pains as our hearts and minds transform and "grow up".

For anyone else that feels like this, let me offer up a gift that was shared with me last night: you are exactly where you need to be. Everyone's path along this is unique to them and kudos to you for continuing to endure in it. You are exactly where you need to be and when you arrive at the other side, you will feel strong and proud of yourself.

[and for those icky-curl-up-in-a-fetal-ball moments, read this]

Thank you Nicole for our chat that led us to understand our growing pains & Humaira for the beautiful reading on a kind sadness.

And sometimes... you just cry.

“Are you ok?”

“Hmm?”

“You are crying- are you ok?”

  Woah. I had not realized I was crying. Openly. In a coffee shop, with my laptop open in front of, hot soup untouched, notebooks open. I had just posted a photo on instagram of my work setup and got caught in a moment of just sitting and observing what was around me when... the tears just started rolling.

If you haven’t been, the Lost + Found Café is a beautiful café + nook in Gastown. The owners are wonderful couple and they are building a community around their social enterprise Dirty Wall Project Foundation.

It is also an extra special place for me as for a number of months over 2012/2013,my dear friend + co-founder  Humaira Hamid, and I, spent many hours discovering, creating, building, and growing. We were each on our own vulnerable journey (are were so blessed to have found each other on it!) of exploring and at some point down the road, created .theplay(ground).

We ran a number of cohorts, built an incredible community, and engaged in conversations that continue until today.

In May of this year, we both consciously chose to honor where we were at and chose to join two phenomenal organizations- H rocks events at Arts Umbrella, I build community with CYBF. We shifted our energy and took a summer hiatus to honour these choices, as well as big events for each of us: H moved out to create her own new home, I celebrated my relationship with my partner through a marriage ceremony.

With all of this, today I was hit with a wave of emotion. An emotion that felt both magical, electrifying, nostalgic, and… a bit like grief. While we’re both so proud of the choices we made and are embarking on conversations of the next stage of .theplay(ground), we closed a certain door (even if just for the time-being) earlier this year, and I had not given myself the space to transition my energy fully out and to grieve that change.

I guess today was the day for it. Despite the tears rolling down my face still, I smile. I smile that I have this story to share, I smile that I now feel comfortable sharing it, I smile knowing there is still so much more to come from it, and I smile because these intentional choices along the way have taught me more than I could have ever imagined.

Two Questions That Have Changed Me

I am a Pitta, which according to Ayurvedic doshas, means I am fiery, easily excitable, my energy fluctuates and small things can set me off.  I am also a Saggitatrius, which according to the stars, means I am spontaneous, adventure-seeking, restless and moody, prone to stubbornness.  And I am Paulina, which according to my kind, and tactfully smart husband, means I am extremely passionate and full of energy, and, to quote him: "passion & energy swing both ways".  At times, I love my energy. I love being ON and feeling like few things can stop me. I love getting in the zone and following my gut into the wild unknown winds. I love that I have a strong sense of intuition and when I allow myself to follow my intuition, good things happen.  At times though, my passion ignites the opposite in me- I tend to be emotionally reactive, guarded, aggressive, overbearing and possessive. I react without thinking and my reaction is based from a place below the line- it is driven by lacking, by past hurt, by wanting to shut out vulnerability so that I can appear stronger & more important in someone else's eyes.   I can go days being in the "good energy" zone and then a small incident or just a night of bad sleep and disconnecting from me, can cause a mudslide of emotional reactions. Over the years, I have learned to take notice when this happens.  For a while- I put myself down for it. I thought I was weak, thought I was too childish in my reactions & wanted to control them.  What I have since learned is that my emotions, in all their strength & intensity, are an incredible gift. They mean I am alive, that I feel, that I care, and that in my core, I am intuitively connected to me.  Now, instead of wanting to control my emotions, I seek to first understand them, acknowledge them, and then ask: "If I was my best self right now, how would I act?" "If I was acting out of love right now, how would I act?" This practice has let me still feel (my often wildly strong) emotions and honour them, while helping me be the person I know I am deep down. These questions allow me to take a step back, take a breath, and understand what is driving my reaction. They let me re-ground myself in my values and learn a bit more about what's going on within me. They also let me emphasize with myself on days where I'm just not my best self and recognize, acknowledge, sympathize, forgive & celebrate me for being... Me. 

Grandfather.

Do one thing a day scares you. Today that is sharing a poem I wrote many years ago.  Grandfather. 

He smiled whenever I entered the room that stank of piss and sweat, and I would kiss him on the cheek, ignore the yellow walls,  the liquid in the bag  attached to him. He smiled  whenever he asked about his wife, dead for twenty-five years. He listened as I tried to explain it, tell him the story of his life. He smiled whenever I cut his meat,  as though for a baby who could not handle more. My fingers touched his lips as I fed him, and he shuddered  under the warmth. He smiled  whenever I shaved his face,  working my way around the years and experiences that brought him here. He smiled whenever I helped him into his red plastic chair, placed his feet in grey slippers, which he threw forward,  out of place. He smiled whenever I put on my coat, tied the scarf around my neck, the mascara streaks behind my glasses, and shut the door behind me and walked away.

How to make decisions that feel GOOD.

“Am I making the right decision?”

“I just can’t seem to make any decision. I feel paralyzed.”

Over the past few weeks, I’ve had many conversations about evaluating and making decisions. I believe we each have it within us to make decisions that feel great and feel right, if we only re-frame the way we approach them.

  My first question for anyone struggling with a decision is:

what filters are you applying to make your decision?

I often get a blank stare. Here’s what I mean.

When making decisions, we force our heads to think through a lot of options, scenarios and forecasts. We try to predict, we try to keep everyone and everything in mind. What we often lose in the process is… ourselves.

  If you’re struggling to make a decision or want your decisions to feel stronger, here’s what has worked for me. 

  1. Identify your core values. If you haven’t already, the quickest way to do this: go through this list of values, pick your top 20; then narrow it down to 15, then 10, and then 5; sit on those 5 for a few days to check that they really do resonate.

  2. Write out your definition for each of your top 5 values. We all define and view words a bit differently, and it’s important for you to get clear for yourself, to know what you really mean.

As an example, one of my core values is intimacy. Many associate intimacy with only a romantic act or relationship. To me, intimacy means deeply meaningful, intentional, and attentive relationships with everyone in my life, not just my romantic partner.

  3. From your core values, build 3 guiding filters. These can be worded the same way, or in a different way, whatever works best for you. These will be the filters you use to evaluate every decision against. 

For example, mine are:

- learning & challenge

- contribution & meaning

- resources earned (time & money)

  4. When you’re faced with a decision, evaluate it based on your 3 filters. Here’s the key: most decisions won’t meet all 3 criteria and… that is OK! Choices and trade-offs are what rock our world and as long as you’re conscious of acknowledging what those are, you’re on the right track.

  5. If 2/3 filters are met- great! Consider how else in your life you can fulfill your 3rd filter- after all, your top 3 are must-haves and if your decision around work/volunteering/play isn’t meeting all 3, you will want to work on incorporating it into your life through a different avenue.

  6. What does this choice ENABLE you to do? We often consider what doors will close when we make a certain decision, but we don't consider what making that decision would enable us to do.

Would it free up some time that we could spend with family/friends/important projects instead? Would it remove some stress, worry, heaviness and allow our creativity to flow? Would it allow us to save away to fulfill a big hairy audacious goal? Would it enliven us? Would it allow us to come from a place of abundance? Would it enable choice and freedom?

Trade-offs are hard to make, but when we look at the whole picture, when we look at what we could get, just as much as what we would be giving up, we'll make fuller, long-term focused choices.

7. Do a gut check. Does this feel good? Is it a #heckyes feeling? What is your heart saying? If you’re struggling to hear your gut, try committing to a decision to yourself on someone else, and seeing how you feel in the morning.

  8. Commit. Decision-making is great, but taking the next stop and DOING is where the magic happens.

  You got this.

I choose a full life.

"Hey, how's it going?"

"Good, how are you?"

"Good. You know, just busy."

"Ya. Me too."

Sound familiar? Sounds all too familiar. For a while now, I've heard lots of conversations around me on the topic of "being busy": we all agree that, technically, we are all "busy", yet we are tired of hearing it, we don't want to glorify it, and we certainly don't want to fall into "the busy trap".

I could go off on how we could all do with a whole lot less business, less meetings, less running around, less tasks to fill our minutes and hours with, and instead fill them with activities that align with our values, that move us forward, that are more conscious. 

Instead today, I'd like to propose we start by changing our wording, and by changing our wording, that we bring a little more awareness to what we really mean and let that trickle into the choices that we make.

I have stopped saying "I am busy" for quite some time now, and when someone comments "oh, you are so busy", or "I don't want to take up more of your time, I know you are so busy", I lovingly correct them and say "No, I am not busy. Yes, my life is full, but I choose to make the time." 

Why full and not busy? Because I choose a full life- I don't let a busy life choose me.

the other side

Since I left the corporate world some months ago, I have been re-defining what happiness and success is for me. The journey has been challenging and rewarding, at times euphoric, and at times heart-breaking. 

Some of the most incredible moments have been the vulnerable conversations I've been able to have with new & old friends around the choices we make, the values we hold, and the important things in life. One common thread has been how once you open your own vulnerability door, you allow others to feel more comfortable with sharing their own journey with you.

There's much more I'd like to post about this, and I'm finally coming to a point where I feel strong enough to be able to. Today I just wanted to share a first short message that would hopefully open up a glimpse into the other side of exploring "freedom". We often compare our insides with everyone else's outsides (thanks, social media!) and make assumptions and judgements about their days and lives based on it. I've had many people comment on how incredible my life looks, how I appear to always be so busy and doing so many things, how cool it is that I've been doing my own thing.

And some days, it really, really, really IS- and I am SO grateful for them and fully acknowledge how lucky I am for every one of them.

But the days that don't get shared or talked about enough, are the days when they really, really aren't that great.

The days, like today, when I wake up feeling very heavy emotionally. When the word failure circles my mind. When I have more questions than I think I can handle. When I wonder what I can possibly learn from all of this. 

These days usually truly come out of nowhere, which makes it sometimes hard to brace, or prepare, for them. I've learned to breathe through the doubting and nagging thoughts, to start will small tasks that will reward me slowly, to text or call a friend and name the feelings out loud. And some days... well, some days me and my couch and the fetal position get super tight.

My hope for you is that when you have days like that, you feel encouraged in knowing it's not just you, to trust that it is part of the journey, and to be kind to yourself through it. Don't compare your insides to everyone else's outsides. And know that by opening up that dark vulnerable spot, you're letting healing light shine in.

Thank you to Dave for reading & editing (and supporting me through this today & every day), Humaira, Marica & Joce for always being there to receive my texts, and to Josh & Carissa for an incredible event last night that opened up a window of strength in me to get these thoughts down on paper by inspiring more open vulnerability. 

On saying yes to random moments & strangers

I love strangers & the randomness of life. Was just walking down Robson St in between meetings and had a guy around my age walk up to me and ask if he could walk with me for a block or two.  I said sure. He first told me I looked absolutely beautiful and asked how my day is going. Then he told me that he is an entrepreneur who just started a relationship-advice business and across the street is one of his clients, a good-looking, positive, 35-year old fitness trainer, who is terrified of approaching women in non-traditional settings (ie a bar/club), but really believes that he wants to meet someone in a setting that's not about cheap drinks & pickups. He wants a relationship.  So today he was taking his client out and teaching in the best way possible: by example, and hoping to make someone's day just a little bit brighter in the process. He then asked if I would at all be interested in a further conversation, at which point I told him I so LOVED the random conversation and the genuine compliment, and thanked him for it, but declined, saying I had already found my love. Lessons learned: - a smile & hug from a stranger can really, really turn around even a hard day like today was [read: we should all do this a little more] - the guy, the relationship-advice entrepreneur, wasn't particularly smooth or exceptionally talented, but he just DID it, was honest and transparent, and had genuine intentions [read: risk-taking is hard, but you can do it, and you don't have to wait till you're perfect or have it all figured out] - there is someone out there for you, you may have just not bumped into them yet [read: live your life to the fullest babe, your love will be there when you are ready for them or ready to see them] - saying "yes" may mean an awesome pick me up + hug [read: say yes more often, especially if you have no idea where it will take you] - aren't you glad you already put a ring on it David Cameron? ;) ;) ♥

Run baby, run!

"Do you run?" - a friend

"Run? Haha... nooooo, no. I am SO not a runner. Hate it. Never been my thing. My body's just not meant for it, ya know? I'm a great swimmer, I'm a great walker, but ya, no... not a runner"- me.

I've spent the past 6 months going on a wild self-inquisitive, life-exploring adventure and one of the many things I questioned was the constrictions and restrictions I, or society, or perceived society, placed upon myself.

"I'm not a yogi" was one I broke down with my 60 day yoga challenge, and I recently realized, during the above conversation that happened last week, that the other box I was placing myself in was the non-runner box. I'd never given it a fair enough shot (I KNOW I can do better than my half-hour super sporadic runs) and I didn't like that I was just placing myself in this box.

So for 2013, I've set a big running goal. This year I will run my FIRST 5K, my FIRST 10K (nope- I've never done the Vancouver SunRun- always said I hated running in crowds...), and my FIRST half-marathon. 

Terrified? Yes.

Excited? Yes.

Ready? Yes- I know my yoga & self-journey has prepared me for the mental challenge ahead.

Calling bullshit on myself and proud of it? You bet!! 

I'll be continuing regular yoga practice to complement the running. After the half-marathon, I'll be happy about the shot I gave running and will let myself either continue with it, if I love it, or enjoy a sporadic run once in a while, if it doesn't groove with me. This time though, it'll be a well-educated decision. 

2013 running schedule:

March 16th | 5K | BMO St. Patrick's Day 5K

April 21st | 10K | Vancouver Sun Run

August 10th | half-marathon | lululemon's SeaWheeze

2013 training regime:

- for running, I'll be starting off using a modified version of Vancouver SunRun's 10K training schedule, which will have me running 3-4 times a week

- still looking/creating a great half-marathon schedule after it

- yoga 2-3 times a week

- a weekly swim 

- walking meetings (been doing this for a good while now and it really is the best)

- continue to feed my body with great nutrition 

- all my current daily rituals will feed into staying mentally strong & soul-full

#BOOM.

my 2013 wish for us all <3

day 15 of my #60daychallenge

I've been doing yoga on and off for a bit over a year now. I enjoyed some benefits from it, but never considered myself exceptionally good at yoga, and, to be super honest, I just didn't quite get it.

Some stretching, some sweating, some breathing. The idea of it really resonated with me though somewhere deep inside. I saw the beautiful practices of those around me and part of me just wanted to be able to be there, at that level.This fall I started going more on, than off, and slowly something started clicking.  

But time went on and despite yoga being a part of my goals, nothing much happened around it. This fall though has been a huge journey for me and along this journey one of the biggest lessons I learned was the importance and value of just showing up.

I am also someone that loves to throw themselves fully into something (a slight type-A, or recovering type-A, depending how you look at it...), so I knew that unless I had a reason to throw myself into yoga, my practice would probably not change or escalate. And... there was always tomorrow.

But... I was kind of terrified. After my 10+ years of competitive swimming, I had put hardcore fitness on hold and diving back into it (hah... diving... I swear that was not on purpose), especially doing something that I did not feel I was good at, was even scarier. I was worried I'd be judged. I was worried people woud look at me and think "who is this girl trying to pose as yogi- she's not hippy enough, she's not ... enough". I was still working on defining myself outside of being a recovering Accountant and Auditor... 

I kept coming back to the thought of it being enough to just show up. So I made the (very quiet, slightly skeptical) commitment to do a #30daychallenge, starting right after Beyond Pink. It seemed like the perfect timing: post-event madness and building up for a strong start to 2013 (I'm a big non-believer in New Year's resolutions and instead, starting in Nov/Dec to set yourself up for success come January).

At Beyond Pink, I was chatting with Lara Kozan, co-founder of Yyoga. She asked what I had going on and what I was excited for post-BP. I spilled my secret and nervously told her I was starting a #30daychallenge the next day. She looked at me and with a straight face said: "I challenge you to do 60 days. And I challenge you to not fall in love with the teachers, but with your own practice and the change it creates within you".

#BOOM.

I couldn't say no. It was one of those moments in life that you feel kinda ready to pee your pants but also feel a fire deep in your heart saying #HellYes. I can do this. I can do this... I can do this... right? Yes. Yes... Yes. I can do this.

In the past 4 years, I have put everything but my own health & well-being first. I put work first, I put extra-curriculars first, I put friends first, I put family first. The past 6 months has been about still rocking out with work & projects, but bringing ME back into the equation. This involved 7-8 hours sleep each night, scheduled alone time, saying NO to opportunities, events, or conversations that were from a place of below the line. The idea of having to now plan my life around something so self-focused as yoga scared me in the very best way possible.

And so that's the story of how on November 5th I started my (first ever) #60daychallenge. Here's a few things I have learned and experienced so far:

One of the absolutely amazing and incredible side-effects of this journey for me has been the ability to share the story and in a small way, inspire a few remarkable ladies to commit to their own journeys. So I want to end off with a HUGE kudos to Humaira, Sonam, Lucia, Angeli, and Annie who have all started, or are soon starting, their own #30daychallenges. You are all amazing.

xxo P

bring it on Movember!

Holy WOW it's November!

October was incredible. Between TEDxVancouver, the last few summer Farmer Market Saturdays, starting .theplay(ground), an awesome concert date night, wrapping up project with WATSON, sharing stories for FWE, gobbling up turkey with family, starting Acumen Fund's Leadership Essentials training, and some incredible conversations with beautiful individuals, November started off before I could even say November.

It sure did start off with a bang! Day 1 to Day 30 will include:

#stokedonlife. BOOM!

yes. this. yes yes yes.

on: confluence

This year's TEDxVancouver was my favourite so far. The venue was breath-taking, the performances mind-blowing, the speakers incredibly insightful & inspiring, and the conversations with delegates delightful. I'm so honoured to have been able to help out the team this year- what a phenomenal group of individuals!

A few of my fav moments, including some quotes that got the most RTs:

Joel Solomon's talk was absolutely incredible. I've heard his story quite a few times but I was absolutely touched & moved by his talk at TEDx. It was definitely elevated to the next level - I most appreciated his honesty and sharing his full background so everyone could understand his journey.

I have a lot of respect and admiration for Mark Brand- he's working hard to change the Vancouver and DTES communities and his time & passion for it are incredible.

Robin Esrock

I also absolutely loved Lainey's talk- she was so spot on with our human & cultural tendencies, especially as they relate to gender or sexual orientation discrimination. Would highly recommend watching hers as well when the videos come out.

#thankful

I absolutely love Thanksgiving. I love that the name of the holiday is "giving thanks"- all about gratitude. I love that it makes (allows!) us to take the time to express our love, thanks and appreciation for al the good in our lives. I love that it opens our eyes to how abundant and rich we are. 

This past year has been a roller-coaster, and then some, for me. As I look back on where I was this time last year, it's hard to believe only a year has gone by- it often feels like its been decades. I'll save that reflection for another post, but it sure does remind me how much this year has meant to me and how much I have to be grateful for. And so in no particular order, I am eternally thankful for...

family. always there, always loving. blessed beyond words to have such an incredible support system, even if now one of the fam members is miles away, but still so close to my heart. not pictured here is the additional family of Dave's that I've been blessed to become a part of- they warm my heart & soul and couldn't have asked for better brothers & sisters.

my love. he balances me, he teaches me, he adventures with me, and he's there for me. together, life is bliss.

the best girlfriends a girl could ask for. these two are my rocks and my 2 AMs. whether far or close, I can always count on them. 

#ywiblove the team, every amazing young woman's energy, the magic we create together, the lessons I've learned. not pictured here: the group of incredible ladies on the teams, who inspire and support my and each other.

my pup. though he left us few months ago, he is still in our hearts every day. there are lessons only a dog can teach you and this one sure did just that. brought us much joy and love.

the comfort of a great read, blank notebook, deep glass of red vino, and a lit candle.

abundance. we've been blessed this year with local & organic food, and getting to know the family that creates it. our bellies & hearts have been happily full and it's been an incredible pleasure to share it with friends.

a life above the line. every day brings a new question or challenge to explore, and I'm so grateful to be able to live a life above the line and to continue pushing myself towards it.

Vancouver. this city is a stunner, and this fall we're having is just incredibly amazing. 

a few more thankful-fors that didn't make the pictures but need to be mentioned are:

- travel (this past year it was Europe, Hawaii, the Island a few times, the interior, and NY)

- music that makes your ears happy & soul sing

- yoga (namaste, indeed.)

- long seawall walks, especially with some great company

- incredible mentors who always know the right question to ask (Judy & Bob, big xxo to you)

- friends who live a life that inspires & moves you (Amber, Danielle, Shannon & Kristen, Matt, Humaira, Tony, Andy, Dayna, Nicky, Emily, Jill, Christine, Steph, Devon, Ekat, Miranda).

very, very, very #thankful indeed. xxo

join us at .theplay(ground)

the brilliant Humaira & I are putting together a fun evening on October 9th. 

this is right for you if...

follow here for the details on how to join us.