Just had my first 2 days off in a row this month. Gasping for air. Burnt out. Really questioning my sanity and life itself as always… and my mum calls me to tell me that her mother, my grandmother (and my last living grandparent) has thrown herself into the North Sea in a bid to end her life. It feels like a moment of like yes, this make sense that is this is why I am the way that I am. I feel like I am still maybe I’m still shock and I went straight to work after. Feel like I’ve had a truly cursed and honestly quite traumatic few years with family deaths and I don’t quite know how to cope with grief maybe.

Really feels like the world is burning

Overwhelmed!!!! How easy it is to fall back into something and feeling a certain way. I think i just have to accept that I’ll inherently feel this about someone who once meant so much to me. Strange that distance and time can abstract and suddenly i’m right back there and really care about someone that barely crosses my mind these days. Anywayssss it’s comforting to know that I can just walk into the kitchen at my work and scream and I can hug a chef that is definitely in love with me and they can tell me it’s all okay, make some slightly homophobic joke and then invite me to a strip club with them later allll in one breath and somehow it seems silly I’m even complaining about it!! But!! What do they know about love!!?