He's a ten but he just destroyed some trees, murdered your father, and absconded with your precious gems

yes honey your evil laugh is utterly diabolical and will definitely strike terror into the hearts of all your enemies now will you please come to bed

- most definitely Mairon to Melkor during FA

It's official lads, straight from Appendix B, Sauron slept his way to the top!

Boudoir by D'Lish dressing gown

concept: mairon wearing this as he walks around angband

(thffft rushed this and I only had some old markers on me).

Here. I HC that Melkor made it as a joke to tease Mairon, not expecting him to wear it for him. Not knowing Mairon does in fact wear it in private or when he’s sleeping. (It looks like a fancy nightgown to me shhhhhhh). But Melkor is both shocked and flattered Mairon even wears it.

When Noldorin smith Celebrimbor Curufinwion lets Maia Annatar Aulendil into the Gwaith-i-Mirdaín, he encounters a spirit who is beautiful, brilliant, and intimidating. The unworldly, innocent Celebrimbor is startled to realize he wants this Maia and, despite his enigmatic reserve, finds he is desperate to get close to him. Unable to resist Celebrimbor’s Fëanorian beauty, wit, and independent nature, Annatar admits he wants him, too—but on his own terms. 

Shocked yet thrilled by Annatar’s singular erotic tastes, Celebrimbor hesitates. For all the trappings of success—his closeness with Aulë, his magical abilities, his artful skills—Annatar is a maia tormented by demons and consumed by the need to control. When the couple embarks on a daring, passionately physical affair, Celebrimbor discovers Annatar’s secrets and explores his own dark desires.

Erotic, amusing, and deeply moving, the Fifty Shades Trilogy is a tale that will obsess you, possess you, and stay with you forever.

This book is intended for mature audiences.

“We told him so.” - Galadriel, Elrond, and Gil-Galad

“A commendable work, yet not unique or original. Three stars.” - Melkor

“He’s an adult and can make his own decisions. I take no responsibility for this.” - Curufin

“He should’ve slammed his door in the Maia’s face.” - Fëanor

“No comment.” - Celeborn

*smirks* - Námo Mandos

“Pengolodh wrote this?” - Bilbo Baggins

OMG can’t stop laughing; especially at the “reviews”

“"Oh my,” said Celebrimbor as Annatar’s stiff rod penetrated him and hoisted him up to be displayed as a banner.“

I’ve posted this before, but I have to say it is probably my absolute favorite crack Silmarillion post. Whoever came up with it is brilliant. I can never stop laughing when I read it; especially at the comments.

Let me explain why the Silmarillion hurts so much: Tolkien’s elves are immortal as long as they don’t die from heartache or war. The 1st age has enough elves for multiple large cities, who are amazing poets, architects, artists, and leaders. 

By the 3rd age, there’s like 5 left, maybe. 

Angbang on Ice

- Mairon, a roller derby team captain

- Melkor, an aggressive, hockey superstar

After a practice, Melkor and Gothmog leave the ice rink and get distracted by a crowd gathering for a roller derby game at the roller rink in the facility (owned by Eru, planned as a way for them to express their violent tendencies in an athletic outlet) and go check it out.

Melkor is starstruck by the girl (boy?) leading one of the teams when an opponent gets her ass kicked by that captain. This sport is awesome. He wants to stay and watch — and is thrilled when that captain is taken down in revenge yet gets back in the game with a broken wrist.

Melkor is in love. He shows up to each roller derby game over the coming weeks, and Mairon becomes aware of the man watching him.

Their relationship blossoms and heats. Mairon loves watching his hockey games just as much as Melkor loves watching roller derby. Melkor does, after all, enjoy destroying people on the rink.

After Melkor’s hockey team wins a championship they celebrate, and in a drunken haze...

They sign up as a figure skating duo.

When they realize what they’ve done, they agree it would be too embarrassing to try to get their registration canceled.

Mairon really wants to design his ice skating uniform. So he convinces Melkor to let them do it.

Which means Melkor has to teach him to be on ice. He’s only ever used roller skates and roller blades.

I still want this

did you guys know that Melkor loves Mairon with all his black heart? bc he does

Concerning Sauron: “In all the deeds of Melkor the Morgoth upon Arda, in his vast works and in the deceits of his cunning, Sauron had a part, and was only less evil than his master in that for long he served another and not himself. But in after years he rose like a shadow of Morgoth and a ghost of his malice, and walked behind him on the same ruinous path down into the Void.” 

-The Silmarillion by J. R. R. Tolkien (Ed. Christopher Tolkien)  

Sauron sketch by Phobs 

I missed her stuff!

My friends and I were literally just talking about the reason we love watching Lord of the Rings is that it feels so safe.

My sister hadn’t seen it before and in the scene where Wormtongue is creeping on Eowyn she said she was so afraid it was going to turn into a rape scene before she realized that wouldn’t happen in Lord of the Rings.

We were discussing how wonderful it is to be able to enjoy a series that has a main message of friendship, love, and above all, hope,

All while knowing as we watch it that we won’t have to see these characters we love, especially the female characters, suffer at the hands of excessive and unnecessary violence, specifically sexual violence.

I am so afraid of what it means for this writer to have access to this storyworld.

I want to be hopeful that he will remain true to the innocence of hope and optimism that has always stayed true in Middle Earth, even in the face of great evil.

I want to believe that this will be a show kids could grow up on, the same as generations of kids have on the books and movies before it.

But I’m seriously doubtful. I can’t stand the idea of Middle Earth looking anything like Game of Thrones. I’m so worried ugh.

I honestly can’t agree more. It pains me to know chances are high lotr is in the wrong hands. It takes certain level of insight to bring this book into portrayal, and I want no nonsense turning lotr into something its clearly not. Professor Tolkien had a vision we all share as fans of his flawless admirable world, and I for one hate watching his legacy be marred by misinterpretation. I certainly hope they don’t turn this lotr adaption into just another victim of media and its meaningless parody of play pretend. Lotr deserves better than that.

Yall be like “Tolkien would never do that to his characters” when my favorite darling boy got tortured to death and used as a banner for an army by the man he thought was his friend. Celebrimbor fans will not be frightened by GoT-level violence. Bring on the blood, I can handle it and more!

Seriously. The series is set in the Second Age. The two main 2nd age storylines involve either torture and a body as a banner or an evil religion involving human sacrifice. Game of Thrones has nothing on Tolkien. What makes Tolkien different is not less violence but the presence of hope and of honorable people even in the midst of violence and evil.

I think some of the confusion here stems from the fact that all the articles we’re seeing for this show keep calling it “Lord of the Rings” when, from what we know of it, it’s not based on that book at all, it’s based on stuff found in The Silmarillion (the physical book, not the story of the same name) such as the Akallabeth. While I agree that fantasy stories need to stop with the excessive violence towards women that they seem to think is the only way to make something feel ‘real’ and ‘gritty’, other than that? The stories in The Silmarillion don’t have the same feelings of hope and ‘everyone can be a hero’ that both The Hobbit and LotR have. The Silmarillion is a bloodbath. GoT levels of aggression are 100% appropriate.

This is the part of Middle-Earth’s history where things weren’t going so well for the free people’s. Sauron is still very powerful, there’s an angry genocide-committing god and there’s a whole chunk of the continent, where most of the Elves used to live, that’s just gone. This part of the legendarium doesn’t have the same feelings of home, hearth and a simple life and the love of these things is what the world needs to heal. This part is feral and cutting that out in favour of the same viewpoint at The Hobbit and LotR would be doing it a disservice.

All yall worried about how the writers will handle it when I just hope we get a hot Sauron cause I want to see the man at his prime state of evil

@exotic-panda Oh, I am also very much waiting for a hot Sauron whose entire diary consists of the word ‘evil’ and has a taste for fine fabrics and wines. Mmmmmm…..

Oh yeah he would definitely have expensive tastes. Ar Pharazon hates to see a huge dip in his bank account but his side hoe Mairon has to have those imported silk sheets from the eastners. He NEEDS those golden plated seats with marble carvings of a warg.

Only the best for King Excellent! Let’s not forget the beautiful jewelry, scents, clothing and makeup that he just has to have. He looks too good in them to refuse.

Imagine pharazon sitting in his chair with his head rested in his hands as he listens to a councilman discuss concerns over the kingdoms budget…. Meanwhile Mairon is standing next to the king in a golden fur coat adorned with rare crystals and jewelry from the mountains, “wondering” why they were losing so much money.

Mairon’s favorite pair of pants say “Melkor’s Bitch” across the seat.

I wish someone would be Melkor for me!

;)))

Mmmmaasssttteeerrrrrrrrr

It's good to be back, my precious.

I have sworn to do whatever it takes to join you in the void. How wonderful it is to hear your voice; please accept my blood offering.

Oh, but of course, my sweet. How I've missed your splendor bringing light into my darkness. I hope you've been well?

Absolutely wretched without you, Master, but wreaking despair upon the world in your place.

I wish someone would be Melkor for me!

;)))

Mmmmaasssttteeerrrrrrrrr

It's good to be back, my precious.

I have sworn to do whatever it takes to join you in the void. How wonderful it is to hear your voice; please accept my blood offering.