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@whatareyousearchingfordean / whatareyousearchingfordean.tumblr.com

Dean Winchester completes me
95% Jensen Ackles, 5% everything else
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Old Time Rock and Roll

Summary: Y/n takes her boyfriend, Jensen, with her to a friend’s wedding, yet he doesn’t seem to be having a good time. With a good idea as to what is bothering the man, Y/n makes it her mission to change his mind about their relationship.  

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader

Word Count: 2.1K

Warnings: A teeny tiny little taste of angst, age gap

Author’s Note: This was written for @jensengirl83 Return from Hiatus Challenge which just so happened to coincide with this idea I already had. It came to me in a dream as I was driving to clinical (yes you heard that right lol) and I’m so excited to bring it to life. Thanks for the opportunity to kick my ass in gear, Brandy. xo Alex

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🟢 You are still a writer even when you haven't written in a while.

🟢 You are still a writer even when you feel like you aren't writing enough.

🟢 You are still a writer when you feel like your work isn't good.

🟢 You are still a writer when other people don't like your work.

🟢 You are still a writer when you aren't published.

🟢 You are still a writer when you only have works in progress.

🟢 You are still a writer if all you write is fanfiction.

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degenderates

idk man, i just wanna write a fic that someone reads obsessively at 3am. a fic that someone loses sleep to finish because just one more chapter and tries to give multiple kudos. a fic that people will leave a comment on every chapter. i want to write a fic that people will recommend to others, that they think nails the characterization and relationship dynamic. i want to write someone’s comfort fic, someone’s favorite fic, or someone’s fic they read when they want to re-read something. i want to be that fic writer. i want to write that fic.

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The scene where Dean wakes up from a nightmare a little before his alarm in 6.01 is such a specific thing, and the way Lisa immediately shifts over and checks on him (along with Dean's dialogue later in the episode about persistent nightmares over the whole year) gives us these tiny little insights into their dynamic and how Dean's been managing... and despite Dean putting himself down about it later, it's clear that he's improved a lot over the course of a year.

Ever since coming back from hell in season 4, Dean has dealt with nightmares. We see Dean startle awake from a nightmare about hell in 4.03. In 4.08, it's specifically pointed out to us that Dean has been drinking more heavily to cope with his nightmares specifically.

This is further addressed in 5.11 "Sam, Interrupted", when Dean "tells" Dr. Cartwright (really talking to himself since she's a figment of his imagination) the following:

DR. CARTWRIGHT: How many drinks do you have a week? DEAN: Well, I gotta sleep sometime. So, uh, what's seven days times--somewhere in the mid fifties. 

Dean drinking large amounts of alcohol as a sleeping aid is shown to us again (visually only) in 5.16, when the episode opens on Dean asleep in a motel, with several empty beer bottles littered around his bed.

In 6.01 though, we see Dean's drinking has cut back. Dean's still having nightmares, but he's sleeping through the night, waking just a little before his alarm, and with only a nightcap—not chain-drinking beers (5.16) or drinking hard liquor straight from the bottle to rid his mind of the remnants of a nightmare (5.08). Under his bed, instead of a liquor bottle, there's a gun and a jar of holy water.

One of the reasons I bring this up is to illustrate how I think Lisa was a really supportive partner through this period in a way literally nobody in Dean’s life ever was before or after.

The other is that I think it’s become pretty common in fandom to believe that Dean was a negative presence in Lisa and Ben’s lives over the course of that year, because as soon as the djinn show up, Dean begins putting himself down, saying he’s done nothing but put them in danger, that he was a wreck the whole year, and basically claiming he was a burden the Braeden’s tolerated out of the goodness of their hearts.

We see the signs of Dean's recovery telling us, however much Dean might not be happy with his progress in trauma recovery (100% being way too hard on himself and having unrealistic expectations), he IS visibly managing. In 6.01, he hides his concerns from Lisa, probably because he's half convinced he's seeing things. After all—the influence of the djinn poison is pretty cruel toward someone with PTSD in particular. The "hunt" Dean keeps seeing signs of makes no sense. There's claw marks indicating a creature is the culprit, then there's sulfur indicating demons, and then there's movement that indicates ghost activity. It all lends itself to a narrative that Dean IS a wreck who is seeing things, even though he's been poisoned. The concern that this is all in his head drives Dean to hide what he's up to from Lisa. Lisa is almost immediately onto Dean though, and when she checks in on him, it's obvious that she isn't frustrated with Dean in any way—she doesn't give him any reason to feel embarrassed or insecure or like a burden even if he IS seeing patterns where there are none. She knows he's up to something, but she isn't bothered, she isn't irritated. She's understanding and sympathetic, and after checking to make sure he's okay, she gives him space and easily agrees to take Ben out to help ease his mind. These perceptions of himself as being a wreck and a burden who isn't recovering fast enough—isn't good enough—these are Dean's insecurities. They aren't based on Lisa's actual thoughts or actions.

This narrative of Dean’s simply isn’t reality. We see very early in the episode that Dean isn't any sort of freeloader. He's an active and contributing member of the household, lending practical and relational support. He cooks Lisa and Ben breakfast, he works a job in construction to help cover expenses, he locks up the house at night, he checks in on Ben before bed, he spends quality time with Ben teaching him about cars, Lisa seeks him out for physical intimacy.

As soon as Dean starts spouting off about being bad for her and Ben in front of Lisa in 6.01, she immediately sets the record straight. She emphasizes Dean’s desire to protect others (a theme of 6.01) and his excellence as a father figure and role model for her son. She says it wasn't perfect (no relationship is!!!) but it was GOOD. It had been the best year of Lisa's life. Dean wasn't a burden. She never saw him as one, and it wasn't out of some love sickness on her part. It's simply the reality of what we are actually shown on screen.

Dean often beats himself down or views himself as having failed his loved ones when something goes wrong, viewing himself as a burden or holding himself responsible for bad things happening even when it doesn’t make sense and was completely out of his control. These are intrusive thoughts—not reality.

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Home

Summary: Dean pays his girlfriend a visit. 

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Word Count: 1.2K+

Warnings: angst, canon level violence, descriptions of injury/death

Author’s Note: This fic came to me as I sat on the shore of Lake Michigan in Sleeping Bear Dunes National Lakeshore. It is a simple yet stunning national park in North West Michigan and as I sat there just looking out on the water, this little idea came to me. It was supposed to be a drabble but it kind of got away from me. I hope you enjoy it and as always let me know what you thought. This one goes out to my fellow Michiganders, xo Alex

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#MountainLife

Summary: When a typical winter storm sends her car into a snowbank, Y/n finds herself face to face with her favorite actor. Will Jensen be able to dig her out or will the day have other plans for them?

Pairing: None, purely platonic

Word Count: 2.7K+

Warnings: Language, very minor car accident (no injuries)

Author’s Note: Single-digit temperatures, lots of snow, and one wily Brit (@winchest09) gave me the idea for this mess. Also, Jensen in those damn sweats didn’t help either. But in all honesty, I don’t think I’ve been warm for three weeks. This helped make me smile through the shivering and I hope it does the same for you. xoxo Alex

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We got two feet of snow here in the mountain region so I thought why not bring this back 🤷🏽‍♀️

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