Day 2

Sunday

Same old, same old.

Had to do weekend task @ 12 nn but did have the chance to start promptly. I don’t know I am trying to be more understanding but it keeps happening. I know we have different schedules and priorities but wth I am the one who is suffering. I cant wait to go back to studying again. 

The results of my brother’s exam is still not up as of writing. Why I am the one who is more anxious? Hoping the best for him.

I, Daniel Blake

“When you start to lose your self, you’re done for”

This is not a full blown review but I just want to let out on my thoughts on this movie.

The movie was set in UK and it was a story of a man being fucked up by the system. He just went through a heart attack and have to apply for an Employment Support? since his doctors advised him to not go back to work.The support was his only way of supporting himself since he lived alone. His wife died while they did not have a child.

He met a family, Katie and her two kids, who is also struggling with their lives in the agency and started to help them.

I was shocked that citizens in the fucking first world country experienced/ are experiencing this. What more in a third world country like mine?

One of my key take away from the movie is that having somebody to be there for you, supporting you is really something that can save you from losing your self. 

( i know this is not well written but whatevs no one would read it anw eheh. it is me who will laugh at this in the future haha)

Day 1

Saturday

Well it was one of my free day especially when I dont have a weekend task.

Woke up late and well just the same old. Watching tv with my family all day and well eating a lot really. I need to watch my diet seriously now. That’s what I have been saying a lot to my self lately but to no avail. My aunt cooked spaghetti and bought ice cream. My mom’s student gave her a cake. You get it.

Anyways, we watch the volleyball games and our team lost. What a shame.

Watching a movie right now (might post a review) and will have to prepare for my med school interview (which has been the source of my anxiety lately) by watching videos and reading tips hoping they will prepare me.

Blog

Hello!

I think I will be going back to writing again. Hehe.

Nothing but my everyday musings and well you know I think I needed to have something to keep me sane during this trying time.

Nothing is really going on now in my life but I am patiently waiting for everyhting to go in place. I know it will get better soon.

“And yeah i barely talk, but not with the people im comfortable with. So if I talk to you a lot, you’re really special”

Yay for vacation!!

i miss writing

i hate people

She stays.

Note to self: There will always be someone better, but never stop doing everything like you were the best.

Sabi nila ang magnanakaw galit sa kapwa magnanakaw, kapag pinaghihinalaan ang isang tao sa kanyang kasarian malalaman mong bading siya talaga kung galit siya sa kapwa niya bading, kung magalit kaya ako sa mga mababait? Isipin din kaya nilang mabait ako?

Because the sad songs understand me.

“She will be a doctor”, “he will be an engineer”, “maybe she’ll become an artist or a teacher”, these were some of the lines our parents excitedly thought at their first glance at us, on our first sight on the beautiful world we will live in. The day we were born also marked the birth of the future leaders and servers of this country.

“I will be a doctor”, “I will be an engineer”, “Maybe I’ll become an artist or a teacher”, these were some of the lines we excitedly utter as we finally take another step in fulfilling the dreams we have started. And as something has ended, another story will begin. Its the story of how we fulfill each of our dreams. We will make all of these people proud!

- the opening and closing sentences of our Batch History

what if our feelings and emotions have their distinct smell and we’ll all be like “are you alright?, you smell sad?” or “you smell happy today!”. In that way, we can really understand people. Even though they smile or even laugh most of the time, we can know that they’re really sad inside because they stink.

          Bakit nga ba hindi ako ipinanganak na mayaman? Lagi kong tinatanong sa sarili ko noon. ‘Yung tipong lahat ng gusto mong bilhin, mabibili mo ng hindi naghihirap. Mula sa mga magagarang damit at sapatos, sa mga nauusong mga gadgets, masasarap na pagkain, at marami pang iba. Isang hingi lang kay mamuh o kaya kay papuh, sunod lahat ang aking luho.

          Simula nung pumasok ako sa paaralan lalo kong nakita kung gaano kami kapos sa buhay. Tuwing unang araw ng pasukan nakikita ko ang aking mga kaklase na kumpleto agad sa mga libro at notebook, lahat mamahalin, samantalang ako kailangan pang mangutang bago makabili ng mga kagamitan. Pero iniisip ko din na sayang lang naman ang kanilang kumpletong kagamitan kung hindi naman nila ginagamit. Ako ang nanghihinayang para sa kanila. Nasa pribadong paaralan nga pala ako noon, dahil sa tita kong nasa abroad na sumasagot lang sa aking tuition at ang iba ay mga magulang ko na. Ayoko doon, lagi kong sinasabi sa kanila ngunit sila itong mapilit at magpasalamat na lamang daw ako. Hindi ko na sila kinontra pa. Dinadagdagan ko pa ang hirap nila. 

          Isa pa sa aking kinaiingitan noon sa aking mga kamag-aral ay sa tuwing papasa sila sa aming pagsusulit ay may “reward” agad sila sa kanilang mga magulang. Binibigyan sila ng kahit ano pa man ang kanilang hilingin. Eh ako? Laging una sa klase ni singkong butas walang makuha. Pero hindi ko sila masisisi, mahirap lang kami. Hindi ko naman kailangan ang mga luho na yan. Basta may pagkain kami sa mesa lagi, ayos na. Ako na lang ang umiintindi. Mula noon ipinangako ko sa sarili ko na hindi ako mamamatay na mahirap, magtatapos ako ng aking pag-aaral at magiging mayaman.

          Sa aking pagsisikap nakapagtapos ako ng pag-aaral, nagkaroon ng trabaho at di kinalauna’y sinuwerte na sa buhay. Masayang-masaya ako noon dahil nabibili ko na ang lahat ng gusto ko. Nakapagpatayo na rin ako ng bahay at hindi lang isa, tatlo pa. Nagkaroon na rin ng pamilya at stable ang aking mga negosyo. Ako na yata ang pinakamasayang tao simula noon. Nakamit ko lahat ng aking pangarap dahil sa aking pagsisikap. At yun ang maipagmamalaki ko

          Nagkaroon ako ng tatlong anak, lahat sila nasa magagandang eskwelahan. Lahat ng kanilang luho ay binibili ko,lahat ng hindi ko naranasan nung bata pa ako.

          Pero isang araw nagpaalam sila upang lumabas, maglalaro daw sila. Hindi ako pumayag, pinagalitan ko pa sila. “Dito na lang kayo sa loob maglaro, nandyan ang ipad,may wifi naman tayo ah!, Bakit pa kayo lalabas? Hindi pa ba kayo masaya dito?!.” Walang silang nagawa. Ako ang nasusunod sa aming pamamahay.

           Nagkulong ako sa aking kwarto, nagpalipas ng sama ng loob. Ngayon lang ako nagalit ng ganoon sa aking mga anak. Napaisip ako, hindi naman mabigat ang hinihiling nila mula sa akin. Bakit hindi ko nagawang pagbigyan?

           Nagbalik ang aking mga ala-ala noong bata pa ako. Parang nagflashback lahat sa aking harapan, ang aking kabataan. Tuwing uwian namin, nagsasama-sama kami ng aking mga kaibigan, hindi agad kami dumidiretso sa aming mga bahay, naglalaro muna kami. Tagu-taguan, moro-moro, habulan,langit-lupa, holen, sipa at marami pang iba kung anuman ang uso noon, lahat iyan nalaro na namin. Masayang masaya na kami noon. Tuwing sabado’t linggo, laro pa rin ang nasa isip. Madapa man, hinding-hindi iiyak para maiwasan ang pang-aasar mula sa mga kaibigan. Tapang-tapangan kumbaga. At yung mga araw na iyon ang pinakamasayang mga sandali ng aking buhay. Hindi ko ito malilimutan.

          Pero nakalimutan kong may ganito pala akong karanasan sa buhay, na naging masaya ako kahit na walang magagarang damit at sapatos, walang mamahaling gadgets at kung ano pa man. Naalala ko lang ay iyong mga panahong naiiingit ako sa iba, panahong ikinikumpara ko ang buhay sa kung anong meron at wala. Mali pala ako. Hindi ko nakitang mayaman din pala ako, hindi nga lang sa pera, kung hindi sa karanasan at sa tunay na kaligayahan. At iyon ay gusto kong iparanas sa mga anak ko. Lumabas ako at hinanap sila. “Mga anak, hindi lahat ng bagay ay nabibili ng pera, hindi lahat ng “mahal” ay nakapagbibigay kasiyahan”. Tiningnan nila ako na para bang ako’y nahihibang na.Napangiti na lang ako at nakipaglaro sa kanila sa labas.