@aquarianlights / aquarianlights.tumblr.com
You can really sense the tumblr userbase aging
I'm not sure if you respond to asks anymore but wanted to say ilu my prince
I check my ask box almost every day & I read every single one. I also check my DMs. I fill my queue every once in a while, so I usually reread asks when I'm doing that, too. I usually read asks right before bed.
I dont really respond anymore... to anyone anywhere (including messenger & texts & DMs). Idk what's wrong with me, tbh. It started a long time ago. Months upon months ago. I don't even speak to the people I love most anymore.
I want to. I desperately want to be talking to everyone. I hate feeling so lonely & isolated. I miss everyone... especially certain people.
I'm sorry I'm not talking to anyone. I genuinely don't know what's wrong with me. I have an in-lab sleep study on the 30th, which may hold some answers. Being told I might have narcolepsy after literally getting memory issues from suffering from life long insomnia is wild. I think it is ideopathic hypersomnia, like I believe I have mentioned, but it is much worse now than before. It's not that I'm sleeping. Tbh, I'm *not* sleeping. It's just that I never feel awake. Never. Sometimes I feel asleep while being awake. Sometimes I feel so foggy that I can't think straight, so holding a conversation would be impossible. I lose my train of thought so easily. And after I am asleep, waking up is almost impossible. Sometimes it *is* impossible, even if Echo needs me. My body will feel so heavy & my mind will feel so clouded that I cannot force myself to physically get up or fully wake up no matter what I do. It is like being drugged. There's nothing in the world that will allow me to get up when that happens. It only happens every so often, but it does happen.
I can't explain the rest. It isn't able to be put into words.
I've taken SO many tests, including the coolest test I have ever taken, being a WAVI test + eye tracking test. But every blood panel & other test from every specialist in the book has come back normal.
I just wish I could have my online social life back. I miss my long distance friends. I miss the friends that want to form a deeper connection. I miss my real life friends who I moved away from. And I miss the friends I see who want to talk when we are not together.
I am so lonely & I can't figure out how to make it stop.
reblog and put in the tags your top 3 favorite animals :)
βJust gonna lay hereβ
<3
[on the verge of having a complete breakdown] i need to make some kind of list or perhaps sort things into categories
When someone you love offers a bid for connection, you say yes every time. When someone sends you an article, a video, a funny post, itβs a bid for connection. They are trying to connect with you. When someone shares details about their day, their life, their thoughts, or their feelings with you, that is a bid for connection. They want to connect with you on a deeper level. They are trying to pull you into their world. If you love them, you say yes every time. Yes, even if the article they send is not particularly interesting to you. Yes, even if it means listening to them ramble about a game you donβt care about and think is stupid. Yes yes yes. And letβs hope they always say yes to your bids, too.
