im in no position to have high standards but it doesn’t stop me

you would not believe your pants

if ten million fire ants

brain: do you have your wallet?

me: *slaps my ass so hard everyone in the target can hear it*

me: yeah

Once my friend Henry was accused of wearing wireless headphones by a substitute so she said for him to hand them over so he took them off and handed them to her. Then later on she asked him a question and he didn’t respond so she said it louder and he still didn’t respond. She asked why he was not responding and he said “I can’t understand you ma'am, you took my hearing aids.”

HOLY SHIT

one time we had a sub that was handing back papers and called my name. I asked if someone could grab it for me and she started mocking me for not even standing up. taunting me asking why I was not walking up to the front to get the paper myself.

my classmates went dead silent and after the sub’s laughter ended someone informed her that the wheelchair parked nearby belonged to me

I had a sub in English once, on presentation day. And everyone goes up and does their thing, and then its my turn. The whole time im stuttering and mixing up my words, having to stop and re-say my sentences. The rest of the class is used to this and claps. However, by the time its over, the teacher is 100% done.

Starts saying horrible thing about how im going to have to get over my ‘fear of public speaking’ and how she’s heard 8 year olds give better presentations (plus worse things but I don’t really member them). By then im in tears and on the brink of a panic attack, and then she starts telling me off for crying The rest of the class is horrified. Then this boy stands up. He never been my friend and we never really got along, but he’d never bullied me. He told her in a pissed off, cold voice that in freshmen year I got a concussion and that I never really recovered from it, so all that was medical related and I couldn’t help it. Then he starts telling her off and the rest of the class joins him.   The teacher is mortified and tries to cover her ass, but the whole class walked out and that boy took me by the shoulders and we all walked to the principles office and told him what had happened. Lets just say she isn’t teaching anymore. Also, turns out that boy had a sister like me, who couldn’t really speak. We’ve been best friends for 8 years and i’ll be his best woman at his wedding next year.  The moral is that Teachers, even subs, and adults shouldn’t scold kids before knowing the whole story, because shit like that can fuck up kids self-esteem for the rest of their life. 

*hitting depression with a stick* i have to pass this class

 + bonus

Me. 

OCTOBER IS NEXT WEEK

OCTOBER IS THIS WEEK

OCTOBER IS TOMORROW

I͔̟̠̻̽̋̌͋͌́̆T̶̠̖̙͙͈̐͂S̽ͥͣ̄̄̚͝ ͖̞̈́͗̄̿͐O̠̪̙͊ͯ͒͐͐̐̐Cͭ̃͛́T̍ͣ́ͮͩŎ̈́҉Ḅ̞ͦ̾̄͗̓͛͘E̸̥̩̦̝̲̊̉͋̅̋̒̿R̲̝͔̪̬͎̯̎̋

*pokes bruise* where did you come from?

hey guys I need you to see this slide from my brother’s college’s mandatory sexual assault prevention training video which was so bad that the school had to release an official apology . everything about it has me fucked up