• when james deflates his head and matures a bit, he actually manages to become friends with lily evans
• like, really good friends who have comfortable conversations and make each other laugh, and it’s great, really great
• but there’s a problem: james is still in love with her
• like, crazily in love and he tries to hide it, but he automatically smiles when she walks into the room, and his eyes soften when he sees her, and his gaze flickers to her lips when she speaks and he cannot help it
• and it is painfully obvious to literally everybody… except lily
• she somehow remains oblivious to the fact that the boy who is quickly becoming one of her closest friends just wants to hold her and run his hands through her hair and tell her every day how desperately in love with her he is
• (he also wants to push her against a wall and snog her senseless, but that’s neither here nor there)
• and james can accept things as they are because lily really doesn’t see him in that way and he’s not going to risk losing what they have
• so he just swallows his feelings and feels like he’s dying a little every day, no big deal
• but then they’re all in the three broomsticks, squeezed into a smaller booth than normal, and when james ends up next to lily, he’s positive the universe hates him and he’s going to go mad because he’s never been so close to her in his life and it’s simultaneously ecstasy and torture
• but he manages to play it cool because lily seem completely unperturbed by their proximity (damn)
• what he doesn’t realise, because she manages to play it cool too, is that lily is actually very aware that james is pressed up against her; they’re literally shoulder to shoulder, hip to hip, knee to knee
• and it gives her tingles
• ‘oh,’ she thinks. then it clicks. oh. oh no
• because it suddenly hits her that maybe the way she’s been thinking about james lately, like admiring his physique in his quidditch uniform or the cute way he adjusts his glasses or the captivating way he runs his fingers through his hair, hasn’t been exactly platonic
• and now it’s all she can think about; he’s all she can think about
• and suddenly it’s her turn to try and hide the fact that she’s in love
• she does about as a good a job of it as james does
• and he does about as a good a job as her at being oblivious
• (everyone else in the school is going mad)
• at the next hogsmeade visit, when they somehow end up alone together because everyone else is conveniently busy, they both try not to make too big a deal about it and fail horribly because it’s a massive deal when you’re in love with the person sitting across the table from you and shit, did this count as a date?
• but they’re still friends, so they somehow manage to get through lunch despite the romantic and sexual tension between them
• then james steals some of lily’s food
• “oi!” she moves to slap the back of his hand, but it’s too late and he laughs as he comes away with a handful of chips
• she shoots him a murderous glare which just makes him laugh harder and she adores the sound of his laughter so she laughs, too
• she shakes her head. “you’re incorrigible!”
• “you love it,” he jokes
• “i love you,” she says
• shit
• shit shit shit
• they’ve both frozen; james has forgotten how to breathe and lily is wishing she could sink through the floor
• “do…” he starts, but trails off because he’s scared, terrified, of finishing the question, because maybe she’ll give him an answer he doesn’t want to hear
• and lily does briefly consider taking it back; she knows she could add, ‘as a friend!’ to the end of that sentence and they could pretend it never happened and everything would go back to the way it was and they could stay friends
• except she’s so bloody sick of being his friend, she’s so tired of pretending that friendship with james potter is enough for her when it isn’t, it’s never going to be enough
• so she takes a deep breath before whispering, “yes.”
• she watches in awe as a familiarly warm grin spreads slowly across his face
• “you’re the only person i’ve ever been in love with,” he finally admits and when her face lights up, it feels like he’s swallowed a sun

A/N: Day Six was always intended to be a bit of an opus, and I was sort of grappling with how to present it. So in an attempt not to make it 20,000 words and a bit all over the place, I’m going with a beginning, middle, end break-down (which also allows for quicker updates, huzzah hurrah!). (I’m also just arbitrarily increasing total part numbers as this goes on. Don’t mind me…) Onward, the beginning. =)

Link to: PART 1 + PART 2 + PART 3 + PART 4

+ + +

DAY SIX (Beginning)

James wakes up the morning of Day Six disoriented, hungover, and with a general sense of delayed reality.

It takes a moment to piece it all together. Ugh. Ah. Several moments. What…he thinks at nearly the same time as Please do not vomit in your mouth. There’s a noise, a call. (A voice?) He will open his eyes in a second, he’s sure. As soon as his head quits spinning.

Spinning and spinning, from the sleep, the drink (he needs to quit drinking)… but mostly from all the questions, questions, questions.

They are a plague. A menace.

Keep reading

• say that. like. at some point after they’ve left school. they get in a real big fight over something stupid
• ‘REGULAR DIGESTIVES ARE NOT BETTER THAN THE CHOCOLATE COATED ONES’ ‘YES THEY ARE, JAMES’
• and somehow they end up at the conclusion that they need to take a break
• ‘well, do you want to date other people’ ‘sure’ ‘no problem’ ‘fine’ ‘cool’ ‘awesome’
• and five minutes later james is despairing into a bottle of firewhiskey and sirius is telling him that he’s an idiot
• and lily is over at marlene’s and she can’t seem to stop repeating the words ‘what the fuck. what the f’
• basically they both work themselves into a stupor and end up spending several nights at bars and clubs trying to get themselves a date
• sirius takes james to one and sits in the back with his head in his hands because james has completely lost it
• he has to keep ushering girls away from himself to concentrate on what james is saying
• and it’s a whole lot of ‘uhh do you like…quidditch? ‘quidditch.’ ‘i like quidditch.’ ‘have you ever played quidditch before?’ ‘these bar crackles are stale’
• and all he can think about is how this girl isn’t lily and how she’s totally different and doesn’t hold herself in the same way and doesn’t look like her or sound like her and he doesn’t like it
• but the girl doesn’t mind bc this james potting fellow is handsome af
• they end up making out in the back of the bar for two hours
• and james doesn’t mind
• but like
• it’s not the same
• and he forgets
• he forgets how to do this
• he forgets that only lily likes it when he bites slightly on the underside of her jaw or loosens his grip around her waist or rests his cheek against hers’
• he forgets that only lily likes muggle tv shows and shitty romance novels and fresh daisies and he makes assumptions
• and he doesn’t know what to do
• and it’s not the same
• across town lily has been dragged to several shitty cafes and groups and classes and she hates it
• the only good thing abt it is that there are so many cute girls at the baking sessions and the movie nights but they’re all straight and lily ends up a disgruntled mess with red cheeks and marlene and mary end up looking at each other like ‘this is a fucking stupid idea’
• but then at this one little village shop she meets this lanky boy who wears tweed blazers and has spiky, caramel coloured hair and sea-green eyes who introduces himself as seth
• and she’s taken aback bc he’s cute and he’s nice and he likes books
• he takes her out and she has dinner with him and he’s a little awkward and endearing
• but he’s not as capable as james
• his hands don’t quite fit around her the way james’s do
• and lily forgets
• she forgets that only james likes the smell of the extra-soft washing powder and he listens to the bee-jees when he thinks she isn’t watching and he’s scared of learning how to drive a manual
• she forgets that he likes it when she straddles his hips and bops her nose against his and presses kisses along his jawline
• she forgets
• and it’s not the same
• and basically neither of them last more than a two months and it takes all of their strength and self-preservation bc they’re both stubborn and childish af
• but then there’s a cutesy dinner party that mary and marlene host completely inconspicuously and very subtly forget to mention to either james or lily that the other will be there and so james wears his shirtsleeves rolled up with dress pants and forgets to muss his hair and wears the same aftershave he always does and lily has her hair soft and wears a dress where the cotton is fraying slightly and paints her lips red
• and she walks in from the kitchen
• and he walks in from the front door
• and there are fairy lights strung all across the living room and mary is playing swanky jazz and the fire is going and sirius is making several crude and unnecessary remarks
• and they stop
• and lily has to turn away for a second
• the dinner is stunted and quiet and brash
• the food is nice and the conversation is stilted but james can’t quite stop looking at lily and lily can’t quite stop giving sideways glances at james and biting her lip
• she ends up standing in front of the fire, just looking into the flames
• and he musters up all the courage he has and goes to stand beside her
• and instead of saying something measured and meaningful all that comes out is ‘you have lipstick on your teeth’
• and lily looks at him completely shocked and her eyes widen and then she starts laughing
• ‘james what the fuck i haven’t seen you in two months and the first thing you say to me is you have lipstick on your teeth’
• and he starts smiling
• but the moment splinters and breaks
• and lily looks at him with the most strained and heartbroken expression
• they look at each other for a full thirty seconds before they walk silently down the hall and into the broom closet outside the kitchen
• she switches the light on and he locks the door and she starts pacing and he sits down on an upturned box and she bursts out with ‘ok. ok. i can’t do this anymore.’
• and he looks up at her with something really harsh and unrestrained in his eyes and says ‘thank fuck’
• and then he’s kissing her
• and it’s all tongue and teeth and messy and yet completely the way it was meant to be because they fit
• his hands fit perfectly around her waist and her legs end up straddling his hips and he manages to sneak in kisses around her neck and she loops her hands around his shoulders and presses her lips to his jawline and they fit
• they work
• and by the time they stumble
• stumble
• out of the closet
• and everyone’s in the living room looking at them and smiling quietly
• and lily’s hair is disheveled and james’s shirt isn’t buttoned properly and she’s flushed and now james is the one with lipstick on his teeth
• and then sirius says ‘i think that went rather well, if you ask me’
• and lily laughs and james calls sirius a fuckface
• ‘well, it worked, didn’t it?’
• james and lily leave holding hands and drive home together
• and the night is dark outside and lit by the street lights and the beatles are playing softly on the radio
• and neither of them can stop smiling
• ‘ok but chocolate covered digestives really are better than regular ones’
• ‘oh for fUCKS SAKE JAMES’