Runners be lookin for their boobs like 😟😩

(facepalm) bye! 🙋🏻

Work from deck is my favorite ☀️

It's been a rough few months

Brutal honesty.

I chose to leave my job two months ago. I loved my job but our company was going through some things that made me think I’d have to job hunt eventually. That idea made me think about how much I hate job hunting, because I have primarily soft skills. I have always wanted to build things– to be on the development side of software. So I chose to leave my job and attend a software development bootcamp full time for 10 weeks.

It has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I’ve passed all the tests, even exceeded expectations on some, but I am consumed by self doubt.

I don’t think I’m retaining enough, because we’re learning so fast. I don’t think I’m mastering anything because we move on so quickly. I’m don’t think I’m good because I’m new and I’ve never struggled this much at anything.

I’m a perfectionist and right now it is destroying my peace of mind. I’ve lost the ability to do anything other than worry about code and whether I’m mediocre and going to fail at this. I’ve stopped making time for my friends… and exercise. I nearly drove home from the 5k this morning after picking up my bib because it feels like any time spent not working on code is irresponsible and doesn’t help me put my fears to rest.

It’s really miserable. And I’m very aware that I’m not managing the stress and anxiety in a healthy way.

Is there a way for failure to not feel like the end of the world?

I know I'll get through the last 3 weeks but I may fail, and I'll have to learn how to deal with that.

When you feel the most defeated and unable to keep going is when you must have the hardest conversations with yourself. You're still running the race but you know you'll be disappointed with the outcome. Yet you'll only be more disappointed if you don't finish at all. What can you live with? Can you be okay knowing that for today this was your best, even if you know under different circumstances you're capable of so much more? The beauty is that you get to decide. And if your best today wasn't the best you know you're capable of then do what you need to do to get better, and then be better. #running #allegory #life (at Cambridge Classics 5K Series)

Race photos are satan's work.

I'm so attached to memories! This weirdly felt like a slap in the face.

Zonked, but done. It's the reality check I needed before my next half in June. I came in around the 2:17 mark. It's not what I'd want, but when my body didn't want to go anymore my mind stayed strong and I didn't stop once— so today I'll hang my hat on tenacity. Til next time. #13.1 #halfmarathon #rhoderaces #running #runner (at Providence, Rhode Island)

(Totally not) ready to put half marathon no. 2 in the books tomorrow! 😁 #providence #halfmarathon #rhoderaces #asics #gu #yurbuds #nike #garmin #narragansett #underarmour #newbalance #gapfit (at Omni Providence Hotel)

Felt really good today. Here’s my face and stuff.

and i'm never disappointed 😆 #asics #gelkayano #runkeeper (at Oak Square YMCA)