im not even a full grown goblin…. im just a little …gobling…. trying to eat some garliced bread…..

the reason why the smugglers in star wars are the good guys and the bounty hunters are the bad guys is bc ppl who rebel against authority are dope and ppl who help the cops are lame

the fray: where did i go wrong….. i lost a friend…..  somewhere along in the bitterness….. and i would have stayed up with you all night……  had i known how to save a life……

12 year old me:

imagine laying in bed and instead of pulling on your legs or whatever, a demon straight up just smacks your ass

I mean What’s the demon look like

I have a disease that makes me like vampires and titties its callled being a fucking genius

I’m constantly torn between “if it’s meant to be, it will be” and “if you want it, go and get it.”

catch me gardening topless at 5am telling my baby tomato plant about my bad dream

me: bein alone not that bad, im coo 

me: *spots happy couple on bus all snuggily*

i like being alone but i want someone to be alone with, if that makes sense

getting spoken to as if i’m straight by straight people who assume everyone is straight, subsequently feeling like the world’s most useless and irritated secret agent

Hand jobs and blow jobs are called jobs because they’re tedious and dicks are gross. Going down on a girl is called eating out because it’s a privilege.

my American gf: pound me me: what’s that in metric

how does one turn their emotions off

Okay so first go to settings

I’m a fucking idiot I thought that said emojis at first

 no, im still willing to try this, go ahead, im at settings, what do next