season 7 sucks but it really is so essential to my understanding of dean/cas. Like the shock of Cas' "betrayal" and then death, Dean being so hurt by it, and continuing to be hurt by it all season. And like, he never *really* processes it. He never accepts what he's feeling, he never understands why he's not able to get over it. And he's so willing to forgive Cas, like I really think he just wanted things to go back to how they were before, like that's what he wanted more than anything. But they can't. Cas takes on Sam's trauma, and then he can't go back to how he was before, and Dean's guilty and angry over it. Like he went through months of being told suck it up and do his job, and Cas is back, and that should fix things, but it doesn't, and Cas seems like he doesn't want to fix things. But ultimately Dean decides that doesn't matter and takes the first step towards reconciliation. And then Purgatory.
I would not find deancas so interesting if it wasn't for s7. It's like, s4-6ish Dean and Cas were totally brothers-in-arms. But then Dean was wounded, and the wound was never allowed to heal, so it got worse, and he has this ugly bleeding sore in his heart, and that's Cas' place, and when Cas is gone it's all messy and gorey, and when Cas is there the space is filled but it still hasn't healed. And that's how Dean loves him.
