when movie tries to make you sympathize with a cheating man

consider: if everyone’s basic needs for housing/food were met how many women would have to stay with abusive men or work in prostitution?

She’s Beautiful When She’s Angry

“The double agent for the patriarchy is basically just a woman who perhaps unknowingly is still putting the patriarchal narrative out into the world. Is still benefitting off, profiting off and selling a patriarchal narrative to other women. But it’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing. You know, just because you look like a woman, we trust you and we think you’re on our side, but you are selling us something that really doesn’t make us feel good. You’re selling us an ideal, a body shape, a problem with our wrinkles, a problem with ageing, a problem with gravity, a problem with any kind of body fat. You’re selling us self-consciousness. The same poison that made you clearly develop some sort of body dysmorphia or facial dysmorphia, you are now pouring back into the world. You’re like recycling hatred. I find that really dangerous and I think it’s unacceptable and I don’t care if you’re a woman. I think constructive criticism is needed for anyone to ever evolve. For our gender to evolve we need some sort of constructive criticism. As long as we do it in a somewhat careful way. (…) So many of the worst things in the world have happened motivated by greed. And I just don’t think that’s an acceptable excuse anymore. How much money do you need? Really how much money do you need? How much money do any of these huge influencers who are worth millions or billions sometimes… why are they still promoting appetite-suppressant lollipops to young girls? And it’s not a fight against obesity. They have young, already slim girls, in their adverts for Flat Tummy company, this company that are absolutely everywhere, and they’re even being advertised in some of the most mainstream magazines, women’s magazines, and they have a billboard in Times Square. The money is built on the blood and tears of young women who believe in them, who follow them, who look up to them like the big sister they never had. It’s so upsetting and it feels like such a betrayal against women.”

Jameela Jamil explains why she thinks the Kardashians are “double agents for the patriarchy”

Please do not talk about a child’s weight in front of them, or tell them they need to go on a diet. 

Talking about weight in front of children is associated with mental and physical health risks, and both the American Academy of Pediatrics and the Canadian Pediatric Society recommend against all weight talk around children.

Starting an ED in a child doesn’t necessarily look like outright mocking a child’s weight- it can be mild comments like “Have you lost weight?” with an approving tone, telling your child they have to play a sport so they don’t “gain weight and grow up unhealthy”, or always commenting on a young girl’s “dainty” figure when you notice how little she naturally eats. Just cut weight talk out of your vocabulary around kids please.

What true love looks like.

OKAY SO I had a coworker who was otherwise a standard clueless Straight White Guy, but this dude loved his wife and he knew her real good. And his wife LOVES shitty grocery store icing. So the first thing she’d always do with any cake is shove her fingers into the corner and scoop off whatever abomination of a flower was on there and eat it off her fingers. SO THIS DUDE GOES TO THE STORE AND HAS THEM MAKE A WHOLE CAKE OUT OF FROSTING Brings it home to his wife for her birthday She shoves her fingers into it and then they just keep going FROSTING ALL THE WAY DOWN He said the look on her face was the best thing he’d ever seen in his life It gives me hope that even a clueless Straight White Guy knew and loved his wife enough to give her the perfect birthday present cake frosting abomination

And I love to imagine the conversation he had to have with the grocery store bakery.

That’s disgusting, what a good husband

How To Help Somebody Being Abused

Oh man, there’s an entire section in here on how to help someone being abused and it’s just so good. Please pick up a copy of this book and read at least that section. 

Quick Run Down:

“Your goal is to be the complete opposite of what the abuser is.”

Bancroft also reminds the reader that you shouldn’t measure your success in helping her by whether or not she leaves her partner, but rather by “how well you have respected the woman’s right to run her own life—which the abusive man does not do—and how well you have helped her to think of strategies to increase her safety.”

Also…

When people try to tell you that women are just as abusive as men, show them this excerpt.

This book is terrific.

— Lundy Bancroft

Lundy Bancroft, from Why Does He Do That?

i genuinely can’t conceptualize regularly wearing makeup not messing with your perception of your natural face like. ok sure if people say that they don’t feel that way i take that at face value but honestly back when i tried to wear makeup semi regularly i would only wear some concealer and maybe mascara but i remember the more i wore it the uglier my natural face felt, the more obvious the bags under my eyes seemed, the more redness i saw around my nose, the uglier my eyelashes looked without makeup.

did anything physically change about my natural face? no! but concealing those things on my face inherently involved viewing them as flaws to be concealed, and the more i did that & saw my face “corrected” & got used to that the more those parts of my natural face felt like something gross and bad.

I have a friend who used to work at Sephora. She was (and still is) a huge makeup fan and was thrilled to work there at first. Since it’s a makeup store, the women there are expected to wear full face to show off the product.

Several months into her employment, I met up with her at a restaurant and the first thing she did was excuse herself to the bathroom to clean all her work makeup off. Her work look was really nice, so I was surprised and asked her why.

Wearily, she said she realized that wearing full makeup every day was making her hate her normal face. She was seeing her natural face so rarely that when she did it looked puffy and splotchy and wrong to her. She hated this feeling, and was trying to combat her crumbling self esteem by removing her makeup right away after work.

“But it’s hard,” she admitted, “I still don’t like seeing myself without it.” This really stuck with me. My friend was such a huge makeup advocate, but even she was intuitive enough to realize it’s negative impacts on her. And it was thanks to her, that I started weaning myself off makeup as well.

for real, though, why do recipes consistently tell you to use less herbs and spices in than you should. fuck your “two cloves of garlic,” fuck your “half teaspoon of cinnamon,” and you can absolutely go to hell with your “dash of black pepper”

This is from Judy Grahn’s Another Mother Tongue, and I really think we as a community should bring back mismatched socks as a lesbian signal.

We went wrong as a culture so many places, but I think one of them is what we did to Abigail Williams. Both the historical and fictional Abigail Williams was an enslaved child whose body was the property of a patriarchal state, delegated to an adult man she could be beaten for disobeying. Where fiction and reality differ is that we do not know that the historical Abigail was raped, but let’s not be naive.

She was sick. She was traumatized and she was threatened by all the powers of that patriarchal state who controlled her basic existence. After all that, she repented what she was forced to do.

She was not a metaphor for fascism.