i am glad to kick off my rp day with ANGST. PURE ANGST.
northwiind reblogged
He was crying — he was hurting, and the vindictive streak in her wanted to say ‘good.’ Because this was what she wanted, right? She wanted to ruin him, and this looked like a first good step.
But something was wrong. Even that voice inside of her that demanded she hurt and destroy and break went silent, and instead of satisfaction she was left with a blossoming discomfort at what had transpired.At what she’d done.
Why did she feel so bad??
That feral desire for mutually assured destruction, that mentality of krabby in a bucket ( if I can’t be happy, then neither can you ) had vanished. She didn’t realize she wasn’t doing anything — that control of her actions had been thrust back into her own hands, that her instinctive impulses had hit a wall. She was aware of her own rasping breaths, of her pulse pounding in her ears. She was aware of Eusine. She was aware of Suicune.
Suicune — there had been a thousand reasons not to call him here, but spite had overshadowed all of them.
“I… I don’t… I didn’t——”
She didn’t what? She couldn’t even tell that she was speaking aloud, let alone what she was trying to say. What had happened? What had gone wrong? Why was she feeling like this??
“Why… ‘re you…? What…?”
Suicune had been looking in Eusine’s direction, but not at him. Slightly up and to the side, gazing over his shoulder — keeping the mysticalman in his peripherals. He’d been stoic, not even flinching when his gloved hand made contact with him. But now he’d turned, graced with context and a better understanding of what was going on. He circled Kris, pushing slightly harder against her front than any other direction.
Away. He had to get her away. This wasn’t good for her.
eusine couldn’t bear to look at them. he had been REJECTED what felt like only days before. rejected, cast aside, not even given a second glance. the beautiful, graceful creature he had pursued for so long, that he had given all of his heart, had found someone better. someone who barely even knew they existed until being given eusine’s entire life story on his journey.
‘ th-this... this is why i never wanted to see you again, kris! ‘ his words were choked out around a sob, the waterfall crashing down. there was practically no one in the street now. they had all fled, heeding the call of ancient legends, telling them to beware. eusine was beginning to wish he had listened, too.
‘ you---you make it all about YOU. you gotta make everyone suffer when you suffer, and that---that---that isn’t right! ‘ he was blubbering, everything was only semi-coherent, but it was a message he needed to spit out. he needed to get it out before it rotted inside of him forever. ‘ you have no control---you... why couldn’t you have just let go? ‘
‘ why couldn’t you LEAVE ME ALONE? ‘ was kris even there anymore? he hadn’t noticed through the curtain of tears that suicune was trying trying to push her away, to escape the dwindling crowd and the man she had left sobbing. eusine didn’t want to bother with seeing if she really was still standing there. his eyes already hurt too much.
northwiind reblogged
She was horribly numb as he spoke and spelled it out for her: that this was all futile. No matter what she did, no matter what she tried, she could never make things better.
Everything was going like it’d gone before ( ‘goodbye, Kris’ — it was just as gut-wrenching hearing it a second time ) and she panicked. She couldn’t let it happen again. She couldn’t just let him walk out of her life again. Didn’t he understand?? She was KRIS CLARITY, she could — she could do something. She didn’t know what, but something——
IF YOU CAN’T MAKE THINGS BETTER, roared her impulses — the ones that demanded she act without considering what those actions would result in, MAKE THEM WORSE.
( after all — you want him to hurt, right?? )
She watched herself pull her arm back, she watched herself uncurl her clenched fist and hold the Clear Bell so it glinted in the sunlight, and she watched herself ring it.
NO. NO, THIS WASN’T HOW SHE WANTED IT TO GO—!!
But it was too late, and it wasn’t like she could’ve stopped herself, anyway. It was an astoundingly pure sound, carrying far, but never any louder than a pleasant overtone. It was beautiful; it silenced the city, if only for a moment — that seemed to halt the whole world’s happenings, as if time itself had lingered to listen.
A breeze kicked up from the north. Somewhere far off ( or perhaps nearby — it was always hard to gauge ) there was a howl — crisp and high-pitched, almost like a siren. The passersby around them gasped. Some pointed. Some scattered. And in the next moment, he arrived.
It was good that they had given Kris and Eusine such a wide breadth of space, because very suddenly that emptiness was filled. One moment there was nothing, and then the next there was Suicune, tall and indomitable, proud and majestic.
He’d forced himself between the two quarrelers, putting space between them. People around them were gawking and he instinctively shielded the pigtailed girl with his body, unwavering gaze trained on Euisune, thoughts indiscernible. For now he simply waited; the Bellringer had not issued a command, and thus he would not act.
And the Bellringer shook — she didn’t want to have done that and yet she did it anyway ( this was becoming a recurring theme, wasn’t it? ) and now she could only wait and see what Eusine would do. She was at odds with herself, and somehow she kept losing.
But to everything he’d said:
“…no.” She refused.
that sound. eusine froze in place, eyes going wide as the flow of the city seemed to halt for seconds to respect the chime of the bell. the single, long chime, pure as the wind and untouched by mankind. ‘ no--- ‘ his voice was in a whispered hush as he whirled back, horror painted across his face. he didn’t want to see his failure embodied, he didn’t want to remember this way, he didn’t--- eusine did not know why he bothered trying to jolt forward to grab the bell, to stop the ringing, as he knew it would be futile. who could be faster than the majestic suicune, embodiment of the north wind? not him. not anyone. once empty space filled, and in shock when accidentally touching something with his gloved hand (don’t say the name, don’t acknowledge, don’t think), he jolted back. cradling the hand close to his chest as if burned, his eyes only seemed to grow wider as he stared up.
‘ ... suicune. ‘ he felt the pain of saying the north wind’s name wash over him, and he hadn’t even noticed the tears dripping down his cheeks. passerby either watched in stunned shock, or bolted in fright of the beast, fearing the ancient legends and the power contained in the pokemon. but eusine stood steady, albeit somewhat shaking in place. ‘ how... how could you...? ‘ his gaze, finally, tears brimming at the edges, fixed on kris, looking at her from where she stood behind suicune’s protection. ‘ how could you make me see this? ‘
MMM B O Y I LOVE THE FEW TIMES I HAVE BEEN ACTIVE ON EUSINE HAVE ALWAYS INVOLVED INCREDIBLE, INCREDIBLE ANGST
northwiind reblogged
She instinctively curled her hand around the bell before he could bat it out of her grasp — maybe back then she’d thought nothing of it, just a trinket from the Champion as compensation for her troubles in Mahogany Town, but that had been years ago. Between then and now she’d come to appreciate its importance, enough so that even if it’d been something more painful than a slap from Eusine, she would’ve done the same thing.
His words — they activated something within her and she felt it, like two tectonic plates shifting in the earth, the kind of motion that triggered earthquakes and tsunamis and volcanic eruptions——
“I RUINED YER LIFE?? WHAT ABOUT MINE??”
She exploded, snarling at his back as if he could see her, as if he could feel the heat that radiated off of her cheeks. IT DIDN’T COUNT — she wanted him to hurt but she wanted him to hurt on her terms, not his own. HE WAS COMPARING A PAPER CUT TO A STAB WOUND.
The people around them widened the breadth they put between themselves and those two by a noticeable margin as she slammed her fist down on his shoulder. It wasn’t so much a calculated attack as it was a need to hit something, anything — and him being the first thing she made contact with.
She hadn’t wanted to hit him ( she always remembered that touches between them were some of the most gentle things she’d ever felt ) but then again, she hadn’t wanted to do a lot of things in the past few minutes. Yet here she was.
“‘Least I didn’t fuckin’ GIVE YA SOMETHIN’ just ta TAKE IT AWAY FROM YA.”
Those last words hit her like a punch to the gut; her breathing hitched and her eyes felt hot, watery, and sour. HOW DARE HE — he was going to make her sick, ‘I’M WORTH IT,’ she wanted to scream——
“‘Least I TRIED TA MAKE IT BETTA’!! ”
eusine flinched when she struck him, but it surprisingly didn’t hurt. and being surprisingly more fragile than this small girl, he had really anticipated pain. rather, it felt empty, a blow struck simply for the sake of it. and given her violent, physical attitude towards everything (this, he remembered from the brief time they were rather companionable), it wasn’t surprising. but it also wasn’t pleasing.
and, most surprisingly of all, he was silent. legendary blabber-mouth eusine was dead silent, staring at the ground (he didn’t want to look at her angry face) as she ranted and foamed at the mouth. her words pitched upward, louder, and louder, and the people around them parted like a great sea. some even stepped off the sidewalk and onto the street just to avoid them.
and when she went silent, he opened up, his voice soft, but without sympathy to her.
‘ ... you need to learn to find someone else to latch onto, kris. stop being bitter about me, and find the next best thing. because you could NEVER make it better. ‘ he felt so hollow. why? why, when he felt like he was finally recovering from losing suicune, did he feel so empty again? ‘ just like i could never make this, ‘ he gestured vaguely around them, ‘ better. YOU took away my dream. and that’s that. neither of us can change it. and frankly, i don’t want to be near you anymore. i don’t want to SEE you, or hear your name or anything. and i... i really don’t care if you’re angry. that’s your problem, not mine. ‘ eusine gave her a tired look, dusted off his shoulders, and turned on his heel to leave. he was done. this was enough for one day.
‘ good bye, kris. ’
northwiind reblogged
Yes, begged a swiftly diminishing voice in the back of her mind. Go away, I don’t want you here. But she wasn’t even aware of it — the voice was too small, and the ringing in her ears of pure instinct and adrenaline was too loud.
SHE DIDN’T WANT HIM TO LEAVE. She didn’t want him to be the adult, she didn’t want him to be okay; she wanted him to be as miserable as she was. She wanted him to be as vulnerable and desperate as she had been so that she could turn on her heel and leave anyway, SHE WANTED HIM TO HURT, SHE WANTED HIM TO STAY——
SHE DIDN’T WANT HIM TO BE ABLE TO PRETEND SHE DIDN’T EXIST, she wanted to be as raw of a wound as he was to her, she wanted to ruin him like he’d ruined her — she wanted him to ache whenever he went places where they had been, she wanted to be the phantom pains that he could never shake, no matter how hard he tried——
she didn’t want him to forget her.
He turned away and she acted on impulse; she reached for the bell around her neck, muscle memory allowing her to unclasp it swiftly, even though her fingers were trembling. She looped the small ribbon around her index and middle fingers before extending her hand, over his shoulder, so that he’d be able to see.
The Clear Bell. Smaller than a golf ball, and clear as glass — and yet important beyond words.
“I’ll — I’ll do it.” Her voice broke and she felt her cheeks flush red, either from anger or from shame. She was losing her composure ( what little she’d had ) and her breathing was becoming erratic. The people around them had adjusted their trajectory by now: they maneuvered around the two of them the way water flows around a rock in a stream.
“I’ll call ‘im here. Right now. So don’t walk away from me.”
eusine froze when he saw it from the corner of his eye. the bell that had not rung for him, but rather, a little girl whom he had only known for a couple of weeks, at best. a little girl who hadn’t been on a life long, soul-searching journey for the great legend. a little girl who hadn’t known its significance, and perhaps never would.
but that little girl was the one who earned it. he could keep making as many excuses as he liked, but it would not change it. he had failed.
‘ ... don’t you dare play with me. ‘ the little voices coaxing and urging him to remain calm, reminding him that she was still a stupid child and did not know what she was doing all were silenced in one, sweeping motion. smacking her hand away, he did not care if the clear bell was harmed in the course of it. he did not care if she got HURT. she had hurt him enough as it was.
‘ i have tried to LET GO, i--i tried to do OTHER THINGS. you ruined my life, you took away the one thing i had, and yet, it’s you who acts as if i ruined YOURS. ‘ were those tears pricking the backs of his eyes? no---crying would not help his aggressive tone, wouldn’t help him look strong, and empowered. why did he feel so small.
‘ this is done, kris. the---the next time i see you, i wont even STOP. you, you pull that shit, ‘ his lips drew taut against his teeth, uncomfortable with the vulgarity but feeling it necessary, ‘ again, i’ll--i’ll just keep walking! opening this up again, hurting again... you aren’t worth it. ‘
making gifs of this handsome child & also did i mention he’s handsome like wtf suicune nerd, when did you become relatively good looking??
northwiind reblogged
This wasn’t what she’d wanted to happen at all — she hadn’t wanted to reconvene with him ever again and yet here she was, urges of betrayal and anger and hurt dictating her every move. A particularly vindictive part of her wanted him to fall, wanted him to bruise the ugliest shade of purple — but a bigger part of her watched, horrified, as if her own actions were a train wreck she couldn’t do anything to prevent.
It was easy enough to tear the cape from her grip ( the strain was in her arms, not her fingers ) and for a moment she was left staring at her own hands. He snarled at her, scolded her — she felt small, like each word meant something, like he meant something.
She couldn’t think — she couldn’t breathe.
But his animosity did nothing to assuage the brewing storm within her. He snarled, and she snarled bigger, louder; he took a step back and she matched him, her whole body tensing and yearning to recoil. She was trembling like a leaf. She didn’t want to be here. She didn’t want to be doing this.
“Yeah?? R’else what??”
Her words came out gritty and low, sounding more like a growl as she chewed on her words as if they were gristle. There wasn’t any real thought behind them, and she couldn’t even look him in the eye ( she made eye contact once, but immediately shifted her gaze to something, anything else. ) There was no real thought behind when she leaned in and shoved him, either — she was just being ornery, because she had no control.
“R’else what, huh?!”
she couldn’t even look at him. the realization wasn’t even something of his own, truly---it was a tiny voice in the back of his head, the part of eusine that wasn’t frantically scrambling to make sense of the situation. finally locking onto her face, he watched her eyes seek out anything but him, looking for something easier to fix their gaze on. even when she reached out and shoved him (what a childish move, but wasn’t that all she was? a CHILD?), she wouldn’t look at him.
the satisfaction in this fact was bittersweet. he didn’t want to think about it.
‘ or else nothing. ‘ be the adult, whispered his thoughts as he took another step back, straightened up, and brushed off the spot she had touched. be the adult, they reminded, when he considered giving her a dirty look. instead, he opted to give a haughty huff, and look off the other way, shutting his eyes in an indignant look.
‘ we never met. we never saw each other. this. never. happened. ‘ yes, perfect. that actually came out better than he had anticipated. for extra good measure, he spun about, satisfied in how his cape fluttered about his shoulders as he turned the other way. ‘ i am going to leave, and resume pretending you don’t exist. and we will never speak ever again. ‘ nailed it.
northwiind reblogged
It was so easy to regress — to catch a glimpse of that bow and that cape and to turn to face him ( she forgot, for a moment, that she was talking to a client on her POKéGEAR, and went silent in the middle of a sentence. ) It was so easy to feel like her rib cage had opened and that her lungs were fuller than they’d been in years, and it was so easy to let the device in her hands drop to swing back around her neck, and to almost smile because for that infinitesimal fraction of a second she was glad to see him!!
And then came the ( inevitable ) fall.
The streets were busy ( you could live your entire life in Goldenrod and never notice passing the same person twice ) and when she stood still she was jostled and shoved forward. She was caught like a deerling in headlights — before her body moved, as if on autopilot. She didn’t want to see him again, and yet some invisible force was driving her forward, puppeteering her, making her shoulder her way through the crowds until he was within arm’s reach——
——and she watched, through the foggy numbness of her mind’s eye, as she grabbed two fistfuls of his cape and yanked.
pace quick, measured, calculated just to escape awkward confrontation (and the, of course, inevitable return of that feeling of disgust and shame), he didn’t look back. didn’t try to remember those bright blue pigtails, tried to wipe away memory of any name attached. he focused on the concrete of the sidewalk, suddenly, incredibly self-aware of his appearance. he yearned to have chosen one of his more muted suits that morning, perhaps took his cape to his dry cleaner and tackled the problem of his untameable hair.
regret knotted and pulled and twisted itself into a hard ball at the pit of his stomach, and he felt so sick. but sickness was easy to forget when the mind focused on something else entirely.
‘ AH! ‘
he yelped when he felt all of his weight plummeting back, arms flailing out to either side of him as he wobbled and attempted to catch himself. the two-second flash of his head cracking on the concrete in his mind was enough to have him pull through, somehow. it did not save him from the STARES of passerby, gawking at the loud, wildly flailing man who now was properly upright, breathing heavy and clutching onto his chest.
this was fine. he was used to stares... right?? ‘ don’t you DARE, ‘ he reached out, prying off her dirty little fingers off of his cape, shaking it free and moving a good foot away, ‘ ever touch me AGAIN. ‘ breathing hard, glaring her down, somehow, a part of his mind remained in denial of her identity. this was just some random brat who thought it’d be funnier to yank on his cape.
‘ i just had this cleaned, ‘ he snarled for good measure, not so sure what that exactly meant, but wanting to get a final word in.
binarycolours replied to your post:is this where i need to make him less of a...
we all know that he calmly walked out of the tower at the end of that Generations episode… and as soon as he was outside he broke into a mad sprint, lips contorted, teeth bared, snot running down his face, tears at the corners of his eyes… “SUICUUUUUNE”
there is no other statement i will accept
is this where i need to make him less of a suicune-obsessed dork. either way he’s a suicune-obsessed dork, nintendo, you can’t hide this behind those suave mannerisms.
northwiind reblogged
SUICUNE YOU’RE SO BEAUTIFUL WHY DO YOU GOTTA LEAVE.
EUSINE WHY ARENT YOU AS SUAVE & CALM AS GENERATIONS EUSINE
northwiind reblogged
“… Uh-huh.”
Crystal could hardly deny her own fascination for Suicune. Ever since he appeared, her mind had been set awhirl with. She wanted, more than anything else, to understand him. But this guy, as passionate as he was for the same, seemed a little…much.
Maybe he should start thinking about joining up with the PokeManiacs, her mind offers playfully. Suicune-Maniac, maybe.
He was starting to sound like her mom.
“Have you seen him up close then?”
‘ see him... up close? ‘ he had half the mind to correct her, saying that the gender of the pokemon (if they even HAD a gender; did such a thing exist for legends?) was unknown, but the other half scolded him. he was only seeking excuses to avoid the subject.
‘ ... once. when i was a small child. probably around your age. ‘ his beaming expression faltered, faded, looking tired and so much older. within milliseconds he bounced back and was beaming again, white teeth flashing in a grin.
‘ it was one of the greatest days of my life! they were so majestic---beautiful! i will never forget it! ‘
‘ ---and that is why suicune is one of THE best pokemon in the world---no, the universe! ‘
hands clapped together, cheeks flushed faintly at the very delight of remembering the great and glorious suicune, eusine sighed dreamily.
‘ those with TRULY refined tastes love suicune! suicune is one of the best there is! ‘
... he would say that it WAS the best, but some people hadn’t taken kindly to that.
the faint bruising on his left cheek and on his shoulders was testament to that.
was that...?
could he even allow himself that moment of blissful doubt, of sweet ignorance of what, or rather, who, those bright blue pigtails were attached to? not once in his travels had he encountered someone with such vividly blue hair, of that stature, with that voice, with that bell around their neck---
his stomach plummeted, eusine’s nose crinkling as his mouth filled with a foul taste, and he turned. he couldn’t do this. not today. not tomorrow. not the next day. not ever.
shhh super secret starter call... for realsies.